Friday Randomness
I told you that I’m going to spend Canadian Thanksgiving with my friend Marilee in St. Catharine’s. Well, I decided that I wanted something new to wear, as it would also come in handy for Ted’s work holiday party. People get dressed up, and I end up wearing the same thing over and over again. So I went shopping last week. Something kind of dressy, I thought…I’ll go to Nordstrom. I don’t wear dresses anymore, because I can never find shoes that look good with dresses that work with my feet these days. I refuse to be in pain. So a nice blouse was in order.
I wandered around and left with nothing except a huge dose of crappy self esteem. Do you understand when I say I felt Unpretty? That’s exactly how I felt. So many negative thoughts, self incrimination, self disgust. Why do I eat too much, drink too much, snack on potato chips, etc? It doesn’t help that my stupid gluteal tendinopothy is playing havoc with my exercise lately. For example, I did what I considered to be a pretty low level workout, and somehow aggravated it, and was awoken with sharp pain in my legs and hips for three nights in a row. So frustrating. I talked to my doctor again on Monday, and she has given me a prescription for HRT. I don’t know if it helps as much if you start taking it at 60 as it would at 45 or 50, but it’s worth a try. I ordered the patches, but they haven’t come yet. I’ll let you know how they work out.
Before prescribing me HRT, my doctor wanted me to attend some online menopause classes. They were pretty informative, though one of the instructors had a tip on maintaining her weight, which was ‘I only eat one meal a day’, which sounded miserable to me. Anyway, the same day as the shitty shopping trip, the class was specifically looking at how our physical changes can affect our self esteem negatively. Perfect timing.
These were some of the suggestions that the instructor (a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist – not the same one who said she only eats one meal a day) had for us. It was a good class, and it made me feel less alone to have other women there saying that they sometimes don’t feel like themselves anymore. That they eat right, exercise, do weight training, all of it, and still lose muscle mass and gain weight.
I decided that I still want something new to wear, but I didn’t want to go back to the store, so I bought 8 items from Nordstrom online, 4 blouses in 2 sizes that they didn’t have in the store. I bought 2 of each because one never knows how things are going to fit. Luckily we have a local Nordstrom, so I can just return the 7 items that don’t work for me. The good news is that two of these items have come already, and I like one of them, so I now have something to wear. I mean, it didn’t make me look 30 lbs thinner, take away my double chin, or rid me of my wrinkles and saggy jawline, but honestly, a new blouse can only do so much. Listening to TLC’s FanMail album was a bonus gift.
OK, that’s enough of that. More randomness!
Good news on the kitty front! Teen mom cat from last week (I decided her name was Lorelei, for teen mom Lorelei Gilmore) was adopted! Her four adorable kittens are still there. One thing I didn’t notice the first time I met them was that one of them only has one eye! His name is Jack. I was toying with different names for him, and came up with Polyphemus, who is the cyclops in The Odyssey. Maya thought that was dumb, and wanted to name him Patchy. I think his particular name would be Polyphemus, and his familiar name would be Patchy. All cats have 3 names, of course, but we don’t get to know his secretive name.
Speaking of Lorelei, you know how I went to the MOMA a bit ago and saw an exhibit on Fauvism? You know how I’m rewatching Gilmore Girls? I just saw the season 3 episode where Lorelei and Rory go visit the creepy Harvard Alumni family that has a quiz at every meal, and one of the questions was on Matisse and Fauvism! I felt so cultured that I knew that one.
Speaking of TV, I’m loving the new season of Great British Bake-off (new episode tonight!) as well as Ted Lasso and the the rebooted Different World.
Speaking of GBBO, so far I’m enjoying Nigella Lawson as the new judge. She’s a few years older than me, and wow, her skin looks amazing. I want to know her regimen.
I recently complained about how my frittatas stick to my pans, and Engie said she uses a nonstick pan. I haven’t bought a new nonstick pan in quite a few years, and the last time I looked, I wasn’t convinced that the ones we had were oven safe. I went out last week and bought a couple of oven safe nonstick pans, and WOW, what a difference. I’m in love. I think the rest of our nonstick pans are not long for the world, though. They have lost most of their non-stickiness, and some of them are a little scratched, so they’re probably leaching carcinogens into our food.
Look at the sweet deal we got on razors the other day! Maya needed razor refills, and she prefers the 5 blade razors as they do not give her a rash, which of course are expensive. I looked online at CVS and saw they had them buy one, get one half price, PLUS a coupon for $5 off, PLUS a bunch of ExtraBucks rewards. She ended up getting one free.
How’s the weather where you are? It’s gross here. I am so ready for autumn, but we are clearly not quite there yet. I will say that 100 degrees this time of year isn’t quite as bad as 100 degrees in the official summer months, because the sun is lower in the sky and goes down sooner. Sometimes we have to find our silver linings where we can.
I liked this sign spotted in a local takeout place.
I liked this decal on the back of a car.
Does anyone remember Theo, the keeshond rescue we dogsat 3 years ago? He was a worried, thoughtful guy, and his shedding game was STRONG. His mom posted this picture of him and his brother on Facebook recently. Look at that smile! I’m so glad to see he is living a good life, and has a brother to keep him occupied. His shedding game is still strong.
I saw this cartoon yesterday and of course it made me think of Nance. If she had married Old McDonald instead of Rick, could she have a house cow or two? I THINK SO.
Lastly, for my cat loving friends, I saw these signs at Petco the other day. They had dog signs too but they weren’t as cute/funny.
OK, really lastly now. It’s October, which means it’s time for Elisabeth’s Cool Bloggers Walking Club, where we commit to 10 minutes of intentional movement a day. It can be walking, per the name, but other types of movement also count – jogging/running/yoga, whatever. I pretty much go for a walk every day anyway, but I will admit that there have been a few times in the past when I have intended to take the day off and CBWC has gotten me out the door, so Thank You Elisabeth for the continued motivation!
Tell me, is it autumnal weather where you are? Are you looking forward to the CBWC? Ever been demoralized by trying on clothes?
39 Comments
coco
first of all, i love all the cat content of this post!!! I would buy all those posters and hang there to make me smile.
Oh the shopping and self steem, while I’m considered slim, I also don’t feel good when try 90% of cloth, either they are too big on me or make me look weird. So i would say self steem is not always related to weight but rather shape of body how it is related to the cloth (which fits no one in real life).
J
You make a good point about how the clothes lay on the body being unrealistic. We all need a talented tailor to custom make our clothes for us! I was thin for most of my life, until perimenopause etc., and I used to love shopping for clothes, I could always find something that looked great on me. Now not so much. And even then, it could definitely be demoralizing, because a lot of things that looked great on the hanger or a model did not look good on a real person.
Nicole MacPherson
Oh, my friend. I just want to hug you so much. These menopausal body changes really wreak havoc on us, don’t they. I personally just went through my jeans drawer and donated four pair. So. I understand completely. I will say I think you look beautiful, but I know that when you’re feeling this way, you’re feeling this way. I get it! I exercise a lot and I eat lots of veggies, etc., I do all the things, and my waist has disappeared. Well. What can you do? I’ll tell you what I do, and that is just to go with it. I mean, this is my body now. I’m never going to have the waist I had 15 years ago, or even 6 years ago. So I am making peace with it, and wearing pants that are forgiving. What else can you do? I’m not willing to eat one meal a day and I cannot possibly fit in more exercise, so here we are. Life needs to have joy, and food can be a source of joy!
As an aside, I remember when I was teaching senior’s yoga, I remember thinking that all my ladies had widened waists, and realizing that is just a thing that happens, AND THAT IS OKAY. Just like our hips widen when we are in puberty, so our bodies change when we are in the menopause transition and beyond. You’re not alone. I hope you can find something that makes you feel beautiful, because you are beautiful, and we all deserve to feel good in our clothes.
Also! Omg, the fitting thing. I think I mentioned in my blog that I bought a skirt and ended up going up three sizes from my regular clothes, and the old clothes still fit, so wtf with sizing. Who KNOWS how anything will fit anymore???
J
Thank you so much for all of your support, Nicole. I have become more aware of older womens bodies lately, and seeing the no waist thing, poochy belly even on very thin women, all of it. It’s natural and it happens. It’s still a hard pill to swallow sometimes.
Jenny
YES. Do you remember all the angst I had about finding a dress for my son’s wedding? I was dreading it so, so much. It’s not so much the weight I’ve gained- it’s not that much- but the fact that it’s ALL IN MY STOMACH. I’m really not enjoying this new shape! Anyway- the dress shopping turned out fine, because it turns out they make dresses for women of my age (who knew?) It sounds like you did find something you like- but the shopping trip sounds traumatic. Next time we should go shopping together! Oh wait…
On the subject of being on opposite coasts, the weather here has been, um, horrible. BUT! Kind of like what you said, it’s not as bad as it was in the actual summer months. Partly because it’s been very rainy, which doesn’t exactly cool things down but at least makes things feel sort of fall-ish and cozy, if you use your imagination.
Patchy!!! I have to say I love that name. Foxy actually got his name because when he first came to us, he kept closing one eye (not sure what was up with that- he had a little bit of gunk in it, we wiped it out and everything has been fine) and my daughter named him Foxy after a pirate character (I think) from Five Nights at Freddy’s.
Ha ha… that Old MacDonald cartoon!
J
Yes, I remmeber the angst you had about shopping for your son’s wedding, and I so wanted to come and shop with you! You have a great figure, and I’m glad you found a dress that WORKED for you.
Anvilcloud
It is most definitely autumn here, and of course I have the pictures to prove it. And they will keep coming for awhile, I’m sure.
J
Your photos are so amazing, and autumn is beautiful where you are!
Birchie
WTF on the one meal a day lady??? Seriously?????? I’ve found that 100% of my in person clothing shopping experiences over the past few years have made me feel like crap AND I can never find anything at the stores, so me feeling like crap is all that gets accomplished. Online shopping with in person returns FTW!
Welcome to world of new non stick pans! They are fabulous.
Let the walking begin!
J
AMEN, feeling like crap is all that was accomplished that stupid day. Yes, online shopping is where we are at this point. I try not to do it, to reduce the carbon footprint, but if they’re don’t have half of the clothes in the store I’m not sure what else I can do.
Margaret
One meal a day isn’t healthy at all! It’s certainly not doable for me. In my 50s my husband had cancer and that kept me artficially skinny. My 60s have been a different story. It’s hard to lose our preferred image of ourselves; looking in the mirror can be quite a shock these days. When did I get jowls? A loose flap under my chin? Ugh. It’s been 70s here and nice. I’ve been trying to get out and walk although I wonder sometimes how much good it does. I hope you can find something to alleviate the pain so you can get back into exercise without negative consequences. I want to see the blouse!
J
Getting out and walking helps me SO MUCH, but I don’t think it makes me any thinner. It helps with my mental health, which is good for my body. And since I sit all day at my desk for work, I really appreciate the movement before the sitting part starts.
nance
Sigh. I hear you on the whole image/self esteem thing. It sucks. You know, I’ve been every single size between a 0 and a 20, and I was never happy with myself at any of those sizes. Granted, I have leftover trauma from childhood in the area of weight and it still informs me, but I think many women can sympathize. I once wrote a post about how Rick was complaining about his jeans not fitting anymore. His response was to simply buy bigger jeans, period. NOTHING was mentioned about more exercise, better diet, anything. I DARE TO DREAM.
THAT KITTEN! You know, One Eyed Jacks was a big deal movie– “a 1961 American epic Western film directed by Marlon Brando in his sole directorial credit, and starring Brando, Karl Malden, Katy Jurado, Ben Johnson and Pina Pellicer. Brando portrays a bandit seeking revenge on his former mentor who betrayed him.” Maybe that’s where someone got the name? I think he looks like a Jack. And that he’s ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.
What is the brand of nonstick oven-safe pan that you got? I have a Calphalon, but I’ve had to return it for a replacement once.
I am all about a minicow as a pet…still! If they ever breed a pocket cow, you’d better believe that I would be begging for one.
J
Gosh, we women sure have been sold a pile of shit regarding our self-esteem around size, haven’t we? I remember being a size 0 and 2 and being pretty happy with my body (except a few parts) but when I got to a size 4 I started to worry. What I would give to be a size 6 now, talk about a 4. SIGH.
Little Jack is certainly adorable! Thanks for the One Eyed Jack movie info. I knew One Eyed Jack was a thing, but I guess I thought it was a playing card.
The nonstick pan I got was from a company called GreenPan. I hope they are reputable and good! So far it’s been great and I may buy some more.
Erika
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile but I don’t think I’ve ever commented before.
I’m so with you on the not feeling like myself some days. It feels like my body changed overnight and I still am not used to it. I’m really working on accepting it as normal and not something I can control but it’s hard! Glad you found a nice blouse.
The one eyed kitten is adorable! I love both of his names!
Thanks for mentioning the Matisse exhibit the other week. I’m in San Francisco with my husband and we got to go on the last day. Really enjoyed it.
J
Welcome Erika! I’m so glad you found your way here, and that you left a comment. Also, YAY to making it to the Matisse exhibit before it left! It was so much better than I expected it to be!
Suzanne
I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, because “I only eat one meal a day” is not a reasonable strategy!!!!!!
Okay, I am back from more deep breaths. Yes, I feel your pain in terms of shopping. I recently had to shop for some dressy things and it was completely demoralizing. Do you remember hearing or reading about department stores having soft lighting and skinny mirrors? Either that was a myth or things have DRASTICALLY CHANGED because I feel far worse than normal when I try on things in a store dressing room. I have faith that you will find a good option in the comfort of your own home.
Cool here! High of 51F, supposedly! Feels like fall and is starting to look that way too.
That calm down cartoon delights me. I have screen grabbed it for future chuckling.
J
Oh, those dressing rooms are horrible. I remember shopping with my daughter (very thin, maybe 19 years old) and her being in a great mood, then going into the dressing room and coming out in a sour mood that pretty much ruined the day. I TRY not to let that happen to me, but sometimes it does.
San
Oh girl, I think you don’t need any more propping up because all the other ladies have done a great job, but I am also here to say: I think you look fabulous, even if I do understand that women tend to be self-critical and that I respect your feelings about yourself (we’ve all been there).
On a side note though: ONE MEAL A DAY? That is absolutely NOT the solution. What kind of fresh hell does that woman think we’re living in? Food should be a source of joy, not punishment.
Well, as you probably know, it’s just as hot here as it is where you are… so I guess we’ll be feeling like it’s summer for a little longer.
Also, I want to adopt Jack or Patchy… he’s so cute!
J
Thank you San! It’s true that we all feel it, and also true that it’s so frustrating. SIGH.
Jack is the most adorable kitten. He’s a little skittish, probably because he can’t see from that side!
Mark T. Petruska
It’s very fall-like here. Only 62° in the early afternoon, and we might drop into the 30s tonight. I welcome it!
J
I’m ready for that weather too, though it seems like it will be a few more weeks for us.
Michelle G
J, you are so stunningly gorgeous! It breaks my heart that you felt less-than when trying on clothes in the store. Yes to trying on clothes at home! Yes to returning what doesn’t work! Yes to ignoring stupid advice like “eat one meal a day.” (Geez.) Yes to TLC’s Unpretty song! (I listened to it while I read your post – very enjoyable.) I would say a hard no on having a house cow! (Hee Hee)
The fall weather here is so amazing. I’m savoring every single day.
J
Thank you Michelle, you made me feel good! I’m glad you’re having beautiful weather, and you have enough cows outside, so I suspect you know of what you speak, and we should all listen.
DB Stewart
Ted Lasso season 4 continues to be medicine. Love those characters and their stories.
As someone with a tendancy for “rapt contemplation” of all things “ineffible,” The Naming of Cats is one of my all-time favourites. I love the way that poem seems to invite me to acknowledge ambiguity because, as you know, meaning eludes us until it doesn’t anymore…. Hang in there, J.
J
Yay! Someone noticed the cats poem! Also, thanks for the encouragement DB.
Diane
That cartoon at the top of the post – so funny and on point.
I’m curious which one meal the “one meal a day” lady eats? I mean I can eat one meal a day, and then snack on potato chips and grapes the rest of the day – what is a “meal” anyway???
I am constantly demoralized by trying on clothes – Do you remember that show “What Not To Wear?” I think that would be my dream – to have someone pick everything out for me and tell me what works and what doesn’t work with my body.
last week was rainy and then 85 degrees. This weather here is so hard to keep up with.
J
She said she eats a big salad with protein at about 3pm. Or a bunch of veggies with protein. Her husband does intermittant fasting. I’m guessing they don’t eat together, but what do I know? And yeah, if I ate one meal a day, I’d be snacking after. SIGH.
I LOVED What Not to Wear. I bought the book that had good advice, it was totally fun. But the DREAM was to have Nick Arojo do your hair…which Suzanne has done! SQUEEEE!
StephLove
No, no, no to eating just one meal a day! Just… no.
I’ve been fat my whole adult life and menopause coincided with a diabetes diagnosis and diet changes that led to significant weight loss, followed by gradual creep back up as I got less strict. Because of the timing, it was hard to note menopause-related changes to my body because so many things were changing at once. Anyway, I’ve never been a fan of clothes shopping. I’m sorry it’s particularly hard right now.
It’s nice you put thought into the cats’ shelter names. Of the five cats I’ve had as a adult, we did end up keeping one of the original names (Matthew– it seemed to suit him.)
J
SIGH on the weight loss, weight gain. It’s so insidious. It’s hard to know what is menopause and what is diet changes, right? And dieting changes your metabolism as well.
The cats already have shelter names, I don’t have any say about that, but I sometimes enjoy coming up with different names for them. They’re awfully cute!
Lisa’s Yarns
Wow that is hot! It has really cooled off here. It was a little too cold for me for a bit but now it’s warmed back up a bit. Sometimes we get warm 70+ degree days in October but that is not the case so far. I wouldn’t want 100F, though! Yuck!
It can be a real drag to shop for clothes. Our bodies change so much and it’s hard to let go of how we used to look. I pretty may exclusively wear dresses for work now. I feel most confident in them. I wear them with Rothy flats, though. They are not as cute as heels but since getting dx’d with RA, I gave up on heels as they hurt my poor feet too much.
J
My feet need arch support since RA, do Rothy’s give you that support? I haven’t tried them but am curious! Yeah, I LOVED my heels, but those days are sadly over.
Lisa’s Yarns
The newer versions have a little bit of arch support. But not a ton since they are such a minimalist shoe! I used to get cuter wedge Cole Haan shoes to wear with dresses and they had great arch support and pretty cute styles.
J
Hmmm…maybe I’ll give them a try! I have so much trouble with my feet, while most of me is fine. I feel like it’s my RA, but then I hear other people my age say their feet give them grief and I don’t know. Maybe it’s just being 60 with high arches.
Elisabeth
I think this is one reason I prefer thrifted clothes shopping. If something doesn’t fit off the rack, I don’t have to try on a whole bunch of other sizes and feel bad about it not being designed for me body. There is one chance for something to fit in a thrift-store context and if it doesn’t I can move on. Admittedly this can be VERY frustrating if something is one size too big or one size too small, but I still greatly prefer it to the overwhelm of all the choices and gathering things in different sizes.
That kitten is absolutely adorable. My heart is melting <3
J
I never thought about the thrifted clothing experience that way, but you are exactly right. It doesn’t seem as fraught to come home with nothing, does it?
Patchy/Jack is SO CUTE. I want him.
ernie
It took me so long to get blogs to pull up on my phone while watching Rae play volleyball in a barn-like structure out where Jesus lost his sandals, that I didn’t even try to comment. The one-eyed cat. Dang, it looks like she was born that way – looks like fur is just There. No sign of a scar or trauma. Poor kitty. I died laughing at the cartoon with the cows and your take on Nance potentially having cows move into her house. So funny. Oof sorry about the outfit shopping. Yes, I’ve had times when I’ve shopped and left empty handed and sad about the way things fit. I’m glad onlilne options seem to be working. I don’t mind shopping from home, but the returning of stuff is such a pain. Oh, and the woman that is leading by example, stating she eats one meal a day? That is ridiculous and she should be released from her role. Terrible guidance. What on earth? The cat art ‘are you pooping?’ – that’s me dozens of times a day to my small charges. 😉
J
LOL on the cat sign. Yes, small children and dogs could easily be on that sign. I remember when my daughter was very small, thinking wistfully ahead to the day when I might use the bathroom in peace.
Anne
What the ever-loving HECK with “one meal a day”? Gah. Just. Gah.
I’m glad you ditched the store and went online. Why do they say they want people to come in the store, and then they don’t have all the sizes?? No wonder people go online. (See also: Why I do not shop, reason #1,000,0003.)
I’ll be interested to hear if the HRT helps. Fingers crossed it does.
I can’t even with the world. My doomscrolling is out. of. control. It doesn’t help; why do I do it??? Sigh.