My Date with Fauvism
One of our local museums, the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art (SFMOMA) is home to one of French artist Matisse’s most famous works, La femme au chapeau (Woman with a hat). I’ve had occasion to visit and enjoy this beautiful painting many times over the years, so when they dedicated an exhibit around the painting, I thought, huh. Do I want to spend $40 to see this, a painting I have seen many times and can see for less when it is not in a special exhibition? The answer was, probably not. However, a few months ago, I did a thing.
I have been bitching recently about how few local friends I have. One might not believe this when I post on my blog about recent get togethers, with friends from my hotel days, with friends from my 26 years ago job, with my BFF from HS, with my friend from 6th grade, with visiting blog friends. But most of these folks have moved far away, and those that are local are still not ‘local’. Not, ‘let’s go for a walk together on our lunch break’ local, not ‘want to spend 1/2 hour together soon’ local. I have one friend I see sometimes and like, but again, we don’t get together often. I don’t see my local and semi-local friends that often, maybe quarterly at best. And the far away friends I see much less. (I also have no local family – my siblings are in Oregon and Alaska, my parents are dead, my step-mom is in Oregon.) Sometimes, I feel lonely for female friends. How does one make friends at 60? When Maya was in school, we were friendly with some of her friends parents, with other Girl Scout moms, that kind of thing. But none of those really stuck once she graduated from High School. I was thinking about this a while ago, and wondering if I should join some online friend dating thing, which seemed weird to me. When my Facebook feed fed me a local group of women over 50 that get together and do things together, I decided to join. I lurk, and a couple of times I have RSVP’d to meet up at a local restaurant or bar, but then I chickened out and changed my reply and didn’t go. I’m not sure this is for me, but I’m still thinking about it.
Anyway, several weeks ago, one of the women posted that she wanted to go to this exhibit before it closes, and I had a day off of work on a Tuesday, so I thought, ‘What the hell.’ So we messaged and we met up at the museum, we looked at art, we had lunch in the cafe, and then I came home. Will I meet up with her again? Maybe? She was very nice, but what I’m looking for is someone really local, and she lives on the Peninsula, meaning closer to an hour without traffic, and there’s almost always traffic.
BUT! The exhibit was lovely. It was designed to show part of the exhibit at the Salon d’Automne, at the Grande Palais in Paris in 1905. La femme au chapeau was quite the scandal, due to Matisse’s use of bold color and his departure from realism. One critic, after seeing the works included in this particular room of the exhibit, declared the artists to be ‘Wild Beasts’, or ‘Fauves’, thus giving birth to the short lived but influential movement. I had never heard of Fauvism before, but I now count it as a favorite style of painting, along with Impressionism and Post-Impressionism.
Of course, there was a lot of information about Woman with a hat, which was more interesting than I thought it would be. There’s the scandal of the exhibition, of course. Also, that it was purchased by Gertrud Stein and her brother, Harold Stein, and was later sold to an heiress of Levi Strauss, which is when it was brought to San Francisco. It was eventually bequeathed to the museum, where it lives today.
Maisons à Chatou ~ Maurice de Vlamint – I love the vibrant brush strokes and the textures of the bold colors.
Tulipes et Vitrail ~ Pierre Girieud. Stunning – I love the stained glass of John the Baptist behind the vase of flowers.
Legende de Saint Nicolas ~ Pierre Girieud. Again, the vase and fruit, common themes, in the foreground, then St. Nicolas in the background, perhaps a painting on the wall or a page from a book, I’m not sure.
Jeanne sur le balconade ~ Henri Manguin This one isn’t quite as vibrant or striking, it reminds me more of artists from a bit later. I love her bright orange sash.
I had never heard of any of these artists, and it was a wonderful exhibit. I’m so thankful that we have some top notch museums in our area. And I’m glad that I got just a bit out of my comfort zone and met a member of the group, even if we don’t end up becoming friends and doing things together in the future. It was a good day.
34 Comments
Nicole MacPherson
You really do have top notch museums in your area! Kelowna…does not. Well, it’s a small place, what can you do.
I think it’s a great idea to keep on that Facebook group, because you never know! Keep trying! One great thing about living in small Kelowna is that no one lives that far away from me. Everything takes 10-15 minutes to drive to, including my friends’ houses. I was very worried when I moved here, because I knew like two people. But one of those people included me in her friend group, and before you knew it it was a circle. This is why I think you should keep with that Facebook group, because there are a lot of women our age who are looking for friends! And someone local might just pop on and be in the same boat as you, lurking and hoping!
J
Thanks for your encouragement Nicole! Yeah, I might try again, if they’re doing something I want to do when I’m available. The thing is that since I don’t really know these people, I don’t usually want it to get in the way of family time, so I will seldom do something when Ted and Maya are around. If I made a friend though, that would be different!
NGS
Ugh. Making female friends is so hard. Right now, a lot of women my age have children and they are busy doing children things and, if we do get together, there’s a lot of talk about children. I console myself that in another 5-7 years, many of these children will be graduating from high school and maybe they will have empty nests and remember me? But maybe I will hold a grudge about how they ignored me for years? I don’t know. I’m slowly making some local connections, but we’ve lived her for fifteen years. LOL. I don’t know if it’s true where you live, but A LOT of people who live in my small town grew up here and they don’t want new people in their social networks. I think that’s fair of them, truly, but it makes it harder.
There’s a lot of talk about the male loneliness epidemic, but I think it’s definitely a loneliness epidemic writ large. The number of third spaces where you don’t have to spend money is so limited. It is hard to meet people as you get older. I know you work remotely, which means you can’t even just randomly do something with a friend from work! There are ways to meet people, obviously, but it feels hard!!
(Also, a hat!)
J
I have some good friends from past jobs, and I like my coworkers fine, but yeah, we don’t really do anything together. I mean, we haven’t gotten together for a team lunch even in a few years, and there are only 4 of us. Some of the get togethers in this group are local walks, maybe I can do that. But often they are during the workday, which is hard. Maybe I could plan one on a Friday, when Ted and Maya are at work. Hmmm.
StephLove
My (admittedly limited) local social life still revolves around the parents and teachers I met when my 20-something kids were in a co-operative preschool, so I don’t have advice about making friends at 60. (I am meeting with North’s preschool music teacher today.) I found I made real friends among preschool parents, friendly acquaintances with elementary school parents, and no friends at all from their middle and high school years.
Good for you for reaching out and that does seem like an interesting exhibit.
J
Interesting that the friends you still are close with are from those preschool years. There were a few people that we were friendly with for over 10 years, and I did think that might carry on. But I made no effort, and they didn’t either, so there’s that.
nance
I think it’s just a Hard Thing to make new friends when you’re/we’re of a certain age. People at this stage of life have firmer opinions/standards of what they’ll put up with in a friendship. We feel our mortality a little more strongly, and we want these years to be less stressful, more fulfilling, and … sort of easier? While I feel I’ve become more kind and tolerant as I’ve aged, I also have become more comfortable with being by myself. Is that unhealthy? I don’t feel it is, at least in my case.
J
I’m pretty comfortable being by myself too. I just want a tribe of people who will show up and take care of me if something horrible happens. When my Dad died, my step-mom had a huge friend group that really took care of her, I was so impressed. With my friends living so far away, that couldn’t really happen so much. And my step-mom put in the work for those friendships, as one does. She cared for them when they were sick, when their spouses were ill or died, all of it. Honestly, perhaps part of the problem is that a new friendship feels like a lot of work, and I have Ted and Maya here, and some friends when I need one, and maybe that should be enough.
nance
I understand what you’re saying about wanting a supportive tribe–people who can help lift you when you need it and who don’t have the same baggage (for lack of a better word here) that you do. If we only lean on family, then it all becomes a Family Thing, and sometimes we need some things just for ourselves.
Making and maintaining friendships can be a lot of work. And I don’t discount the presence of the Internet in all this, either. Real Life can feel very taxing in comparison sometimes.
J
I’m so, so thankful for my internet friendships! Thinking about leaning on family, that gets hard when you don’t have family around. My step-mom had my sisters in town with her, and they had just lost our father too, so her friendships were SO important. SIGH.
DB Stewart
Every painting we view seems to open ten more windows into life, doesn’t it? What a terrific experience!
J
I know, I’m so glad that I ended up going! I loved the paintings.
Melissa
That exhibition looks fabulous. I love the bright colours of the paintings.
I used to live a couple of streets away from some very good friends of mine and then one moved to
Tasmania and we moved 45 mins away. The friend who still lives in Melbourne meets me sometimes to walk near one of our houses, plus we have very long phone conversations. We also go out for dinner most quarters with our husbands because we are all good friends. It is hard making new friends as an older adult. Luckily I have church which has helped me meet people in our new area and our vicar’s wife is close to my age and we get along well. It would be harder without that. I also have running friends that I see regularly. I think having that common interest helps.
J
Agreed, I think having church and a running group would help a lot! I guess I need a hobby.
Birchie
Same on the friend thing! Right after I retired, I started going to a financial independence group, and I have been pleasantly surprised how much we all click. The people in this group are the nearest thing to bloggers that I’ve found so far. I would say that the friendships that I am working on are still in the “early dating stage” so TBD if they take off, but at least I’m meeting people.
Anyhoo, it is very cool that the gal that you met posted about wanting to go to the exhibit. I know where I would go from here if it was me! I’d come up with some local things that I want to do and post them in the group and then sit back and see if any local fish take the bait! Of course you might get some non-local fish, but at least they would be coming to you.
J
I love that you’ve been meeting people that way! Like Melissa said, common interests. I’m hoping for that with this group, but I’m also busy with my family and kind of shy, so I haven’t put myself out there much.
Margaret
I love that last painting. Friendships are hard to maintain, especially far flung ones. My YD works and is mostly a single parent to 2 little ones and wants to get some friends. There is no time! I think your plan is a great one; you’ll meet people and some will be a hit and others a miss.
J
Thanks Margaret! I hope you’re right. And yes, I love that last painting. I’d like to have it on a notecard.
Mark T. Petruska
It’s not any easier making friends in your 50s, though moving every few years certainly hasn’t helped!
J
Moving does not help, you’re right there. We’ve been here for 30 years, and haven’t really made any new friends other than the ones who I worked with who moved away. I like our neighbors, but we don’t really do things with them. Maybe we need to make an effort on that front.
AC
For her 21st birthday, I gave my not-yet-wife a small jewelry box with a Matisse imagie on the top.
J
Nice! Does she still have it? (As I typed ‘Nice’, I thought of the French city, ‘Nice’, and the Matisse museum there…which I haven’t visited but if I ever get back to Nice I will…we went to the Chagall instead.)
AC
Yes, she does. Goodness I had to log in again just to reply to your reply.
J
Bah, sorry you had to sign in again. Even with ‘save my name etc’ checked, I often have to sign in again to comment on blogs more than once.
PocoBrat
Thanks for sharing the cultural richness of your life here, J. How lovely to see ART any time you want.
And I hope you keep up with your FB group–I’ve made some good friends online and via book groups when I’ve moved around.
J
Thanks Maya! I do like having museums so nearby. I have a membership to the fine arts museums in SF, but not the MOMA or Asian Art or any of the many others.
Suzanne
Oh good lord, Julie, turned out I had a LOT to say in response to this post, so buckle up.
First, the art. I LOVE that you went to this exhibit even though you’d seen the headliner painting before. Some exhibitions can be so thoughtful about incorporating well known works with historical context and other, lesser-known pieces, and it sounds like this did just that. I scrutinized these paintings for awhile, and I have come to the conclusion that I am NOT a fan of Fauvism. Which I find kind of strange, considering how much I love Cubism. But I suppose therein lies the rivalry between the two movements!
Second, the friends thing. Like you, most of my friends live far away. The local women I interact with most are parents of kids in my daughter’s class. Some of them, I think, have become Real Friends… but I suppose I won’t know for sure until our kids graduate from high school and go on to do whatever they do. My closest mom friend is also a writing friend… but we write in totally different genres, and I worry that our kids are the real glue. Again, no point in fretting now; we’ll just have to see what happens.
I did do A Thing last week though! I got my blood drawn, and the phlebotomist and I got to chatting, and she writes mysteries… so I got her number! And then, even though I felt kind of silly after the fact, I texted her. And she told me she had been worried I wouldn’t follow up, and that it’s hard to make friends, and we have a writing date this weekend. Part of me is excited — a person I met all on my own, with shared interests, and a daughter my daughter’s age. Part of me is exasperated — don’t I have ENOUGH going on?! Do I really need a brand new person in my life?! And part of me is fretful that we won’t be compatible; a few little things she has texted make me slightly worried… but I guess all I can do is give it a shot.
Anyway. This is all to say that making friends is HARD. Maintaining relationships is HARD. And I hope you continue to put yourself out there in the ways that you have. Or perhaps make an insane leap of faith with YOUR phlebotomist.
(I also really hit it off with my physical therapist and kind of wish we could remain friends now that I’m done with PT. But a) I’m not sure if he would be interested in being friends, or if he is just super friendly and chatty with ALL his clients and b) he’s a dude, and that feels weird/potentially fraught even though there’s no attraction there.)
(Hmm. I really need to branch out from trying to befriend my healthcare team.)
J
I really liked my physical therapist too, but she was so much younger than me. I kind of wanted her to date my daughter so I could have her in my life that way, HA!
Cubism really doesn’t do it for me, so I GET IT about liking what one likes. Impressionism and Fauvism express so much emotion (to me), while cubism generally (not always) leaves me kind of cold. Ted likes cubism though!
I love that you and your phlebotomist are friendly, let’s see where that leads!
J
Thank you Jeansforest!
Michelle G.
How wonderful that you went to the exhibition! I love the paintings; they’re so full of color and texture. I’m sure it was amazing to see them in person.
Making friends is difficult for me too. It has been fun making some blogging friends, but IRL everyone has such busy schedules to work around. Your FB group sounds like a nice place to start.
J
Thanks Michelle!
ernie
Oh wow. I did not realize that you were lacking in a local network or circle, and I applaud you for joining the facebook group. I bet if you keep lurking and engaging when it seems to fit in your life – that you will make some good connections. When we switched our kids to public schools, a distance grew between us and the friends that we knew from the private school. No one was mean, but it was like Out of sight, our of mind. I think as we age and our careers change or our roles as parents shift, it is hard to maintain connections, and I find it’s hard to create new ones. I think that your art museum visit was a great first step. I wish we lived closer. Coach and I sort of struggle to find other couples to spend time with too. Adulthood is hard.
The art is really interesting. I really love the painting of the woman with the bright sash. So pretty.
J
Agreed on all of it. I thought we had some friends with our daughter’s school community, but I didn’t put in the effort and neither did they, so I guess it’s fair. My dream is to live on a street with all of my blog friends up and down the street, and we could all pop in and visit each other like in a sitcom. Maybe that would be annoying, but maybe it would be awesome.
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