Throwback Thursday
This is a picture of me and my roommate Troy, back in 1988 or 1989. He’s putting me in the garbage can at an amusement park, which is clearly HILARIOUS. I love this picture.
When I was 21, I moved from Stockton to San Francisco with Troy, to attend San Francisco State University. We had worked together at a hotel in Stockton, and I wanted to move to San Francisco, and so did he. He had lived on his own before (I had not), so he had some furniture and an idea at least of how things like signing up for utilities and paying bills worked. But we were both very young. I was 21, I think he was 22. He found us a great flat, which only cost twice what my mom was paying for a similarly sized place in Stockton. (Bay Area folks, we paid $850 a month for a 2 bedroom at Fulton and Masonic, near the panhandle) We were making what we thought was a good wage, twice what we had made in Stockton, so thought we would be fine. However, hotel work in San Francisco is much more seasonal than in Stockton, because it depends so much on tourism. In Stockton, if you were hired full time, you had full time work. In San Francisco, if you were hired full time, you worked if the hotel occupancy was high enough, and if it was not, you did not, at least until you earned seniority. Thankfully that did not affect our healthcare benefits, but it definitely affected our ability to pay our bills. I remember screening our calls avoiding bill collectors. Sigh.
Sometimes I look back at 21 year old me and 57 year old me, and there are glimpses that we are the same person. But in other ways, we are completely different. 57 year old me is more careful, and would not have moved away from home to go to college, with no money for tuition, no money for first and last month and security deposits. No real plan. Just, “I’m going to college, here I go in my car which I probably shouldn’t be driving on freeways because it is about to die, wish me luck!” Thank goodness for family. My mom didn’t have any money, but was OK with letting me try and fail. That was a gift, which I did not recognize at the time. She was completely willing to let me come home to her, would have let me figure it out there. But she never criticized me for going off like that, completely unprepared. She just cheered me on from the sidelines. Troy’s parents loaned us money for the first, last, security. My great Aunt Flo loaned me money for my first semester of tuition. Somehow, we got through those first rough months with low seniority until we made enough to at least pay our rent and bills. The hotel had a cafeteria where we could eat for free, which was really helpful, and occasionally even tasty. Those were good days.
I remember this period in my life with a lot of fondness. Most of my friends lived nearby, and we got together often. My mom and brother were only 80 miles away, and we could visit whenever we wanted to. I first met my dad and my sisters at this time, and would visit them in Portland when I could. I met and fell in love with Ted. But this was also a stressful time. Not having money is exhausting. Working full time (or as close to it as I could get) and going to school full time and having a full social calendar is exhausting. I never felt like I got enough sleep. I paid a lot of interest to my credit card companies. I would probably do some things differently if I could. (Then again, am I sorry that I went to school? No. Am I sorry that I had a pretty decent job? No. Am I sorry that I went out with my friends most weekends? No. Mostly I just wish I had been smarter with the money I did have.)
I do like this picture, though. It brings up a lot of thoughts and good memories.
28 Comments
Kyria @ Travel Spot
I love this! That picture is great and evokes memories of being carefree. My story is very similar to yours! I moved to San Francisco in 1999 or 2000, when I was about 21, and I made barely any money, had barely any money, paid way too much for rent (first place was a sublet of a living room in the lower Haight for $500/month, next place was $800/month for half of a two bedroom in the Mission). I look back on that time now and think: how did I afford that? When did I sleep? I remember working until 11 pm, going out drinking after and closing down the bar and then being back to school again at 7 am for my first class the next day. The energy! I wish I knew what I had when I had it. I lived on $5 burritos and gin! It was fun times.
I think that our naievte was a blessing. If you were wiser, you never would have left Stockton, but you were young and you did not know any better, and thank goodness for that! I am so cautious now, but I wish sometimes I just threw that into the wind and went for things, as the experiences are often priceless!
J
Kyria, that’s funny that our stories are so similar! I agree, I’m glad that I threw caution to the wind. I think I just didn’t have much to lose back then, and didn’t own much, so it was all pretty uncomplicated. Difficult sometimes, but not a ton of considerations to think about.
Beckett @ Birchwood Pie
Ah the good old days! This was such a fun post. And congrats on NaBloPo’ing!!!
If I could change just one thing about my life, I would not have gone to college right after high school and had some fun. But I did…yawn. When I moved out I had a crappy paying job and high rent…yet somehow I made it work.
J
Thanks Beckett! I took a year off between high school and college, and I’m so glad that I did. I was tired of school and didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, so a year off made a lot of sense to me.
Ally Bean
The photo is wonderful. A perfect moment in time. I love it.
Not having money is exhausting. No truer words. I remember my early days, going to college fulltime, working a parttime job or two at the same time. Then it made sense, was how it was, but looking back a gap year between high school and college would have helped me develop some perspective about what I wanted to do, instead of doing what was expected of me.
Congrats on completing NaBloPoMo.
J
Thanks Ally, yes, I took a year off before starting college, and it did help me feel more ready to get back into that vibe of studying all of the time. I wish I had travelled or something, but I just worked, bought a car, etc. I did have fun though!
Jenny
Yes, this is a great picture! You know… I think when we look back at our younger selves, we just had to do things the way we did. You couldn’t tell your 21 year old self to be careful with money the way a 57 year old would be- you had to just live out those days the way you did. Everything worked out!
J
Jenny, that’s true. 21 year old me would say, “Who cares if I fail? I’ll just go home if I do.” 57 year old me would worry about LOSING my home. Big difference.
NGS
Of course you’re a different person in some ways! Personal growth does that to a person. I love looking at photos of Young Me and being excited because she had no idea what was coming her way.
J
NGS, so true! Yeah, we had no idea what was coming. So much good stuff, so much hard stuff.
Suzanne
Oh this is such a wonderful post. You are so right about how in many ways our younger selves are completely different people than who we are right now. Love the picture of you and Troy.
J
Thank you Suzanne!
Tobia | craftaliciousme
This picture captures so much joy, friendshop, lightheartedness and carefree sprit. I love it.
I sometimes whish those carefree days can be repeated. Those days when we just winged it. Where we didnt quiet understand what adulting meant. That bills and money and deadlines and all that was just something that was there but didnt take up all the time and energy. Those were the days.
I believe, knowing too much, having exoerienced too much will kill that vibes.
J
Tobia, YES, the vibe is dead. I have a calmer, more secure vibe now, but that carefree (Yes, I was broke, but so was everyone else my age) feeling is definitely gone.
Elisabeth
Not having money is exhausting. Yes.
I am so unbelievably fortunate to be very financially stable now, but my parents had very little money when I was growing up and for the first 5ish years of marriage we had very little money. Our kids daycare costs were subsidized, we lived in low-income housing, and I bought every single thing I could at the grocery store that was reduced.
Even though I have a lot more buffer these days, the fears and insecurities of not having much money perhaps never leave? I have a hard time spending money on many things that I can/should afford. But it becomes a mindset. And it really is…exhausting. We were constantly working odd jobs to make ends meet and, you know, pay for diapers and formula!
J
Gah, those early days can be really hard. I guess there’s a nice feeling of accomplishment to feeling more secure now, though.
Nicole MacPherson
Ah, youth. I loved reading this, J, this little peek into younger J’s life! And so interesting to learn important life lessons – like about money!
J
Nicole, thanks!
nance
What a fun photo of your early life as a young adult. We had more energy then, so our trials and tribulations, however real and exhausting, didn’t completely wear us down so often. And you had a friend and roommate to share them with and, as you said, a couple of safety nets, thank goodness.
When Rick and I first married in 1981, we rented a one-bedroom apartment for $227 a month in a popular complex in a nice part of town. We were incredibly poor, doing laundry at our parents’ for free and eating there, too, on Saturdays and Sundays. When I got pregnant in ’84, we moved across the hall into a two-bedroom, boosting our rent to $259! And the utilities were paid, by the way.
Not having money *is* exhausting. I don’t care how young or old you are. It’s draining to worry about money, to think about it, budget to the penny, and wonder how you’re going to manage. I’m terribly grateful–as I know you are–that I don’t have to do that like I did when I was younger.
J
Nance, I loved this glimpse into your early days as well, thank you for sharing that! Laundry and meals at your parents’ houses is definitely a win. I’m thinking about the free food at the hotel, and how helpful that was (sometimes you could get two meals that way, at the beginning and end of your shift, or even breakfast and lunch and then a snack before you went home. I don’t remember what I ate on my days off. Probably mac and cheese from a box!
Margaret
I think we all look back on our college days with regrets. There’s something about that age that invites some recklessness and hedonism. My first year of teaching I didn’t make enough to live by myself and money was tight. I felt like I couldn’t do much of what I wanted to in spite of working full time. It was discouraging. What ever happened to Troy?
J
Margaret, last I heard Troy was living about an hour away, in Sacramento, and had married (we went to his wedding) and was hoping to move to Spain. I tried to text him when I found this picture a few months ago, and I never heard back, so perhaps he made it!
Lisa's Yarns
College Lisa is pretty different from 40-something Lisa. Some things haven’t changed, like I am not a risk taker. But I am so much more confident in who I am/what I want. But college was definitely a wonderful stage of life that I absolutely adored. I had student loans and a scholarship so my financial situation wasn’t as fraught as yours. But I worked up to 3 jobs for the later years of college! I was a waitress, a TA for intro to Calc, and I sold ads for the University newspaper. I remember thinking I was SO RICH when I would stand in line at the bank to deposit tip money from my waitressing job!
The whole college application process now is sort of staggering for me. When I was figuring out where to go to college, my parents told me I could go anywhere I wanted but to keep in mind I was paying for it (I was 1 of 5 kids and we were middle class). Because I am risk averse, I did not want to take on a ton of debt so I only looked at in-state schools. My parents didn’t come with me for college visits. I went on my own. I managed the application process completely on my own. Flash forward to now and my colleagues fly around the country for college visits. One hired a consultant to help with her son’s essays. I work in an affluent industry but it’s still just jarring to see the difference. The same consultant hiring coworker still tracks her son’s phone. It’s just kind of odd to wrap my mind around. I am obviously in a very different stage of parenting but I was given a ton of freedom to make mistakes. I know my parents would have helped me out if need be, but they expected me to be responsible and to manage my own life…
J
Lisa, yes, the application process is very different. I never took a college tour, never visited the schools that I applied to. My daughter didn’t really either, we couldn’t afford to travel to the East Coast to check them out. I ended up going to a community college and living at home for the first 2 years of school, which saved me a LOT of money, and then went to an in-state college after that. My daughter did the same thing, though she went to UC Berkeley, and it is close enough that she lived at home for that part of school too. Which is probably why she STILL lives at home, 5 years after graduation. It’s so expensive out there, and she doesn’t really have any motivation to move out. The plus side is, she graduated with only a tiny student loan, which she paid off, so is debt free. If she had moved to Berkeley or where ever, she would owe tens of thousands of dollars.
Some of my daughter’s friends’ families were very involved in the application process too, hired people to help with tests and essays. We didn’t have any money for that, and also my daughter didn’t ask for any help, she just applied where she wanted to go. She got in to a lot of great schools, but the money wasn’t there and she didn’t want to take on a ton of debt, hence the community college. Smart kid, really.
San
I love that photo! It really captures the spirit of being young and carefree!
Money is definitely a touchy subject and sometimes I think we should talk about it a lot more. It shouldn’t be taboo and teens and young adults should be more educated about financial matters. So many still go in with little education.
J
San, you make a very good point about educating kids about it. I think the only financial education I got in school was that my 5th grade teacher taught us to balance our checkbook.
Meike
Oh the joy in that picture. Makes me want to bottle it up. I am not sure I was ever this carefree. I got subsidies from the government in Germany when I started my education and lived by myself but my parents helped out. I felt a little guilty and tried not to spend to much extra money. Soon after I moved in with my boyfriend back then to make it more affordable. I think I had a pretty good understanding of how to handle my money but I think I only realized way later how frugal my parents brought us up. Living in the country side it never showed but there were no big vacations or anything like it. I guess I did internalize that a little and just kept it on the same way. Not to worry though – I still had a good time 😉 Going out on the weekends was my splurge.
J
Meike, I grew up that way too, meaning no big vacations or anything like that. We went to amusement parks sometimes, but never camping or to another state or anything like that.