Etiquette
I like to read Miss Manners’ column in my local newspaper. I like how she explains the rules of etiquette, and what they’re for. Etiquette can sometimes seem arbitrary and confusing, but mainly it’s a set of rules that helps us disparate humans to get along together, without offending each other or hurting each other’s feelings. For example, a gentle reader writes in, asking how they should best go about telling their neighbor that their new painting is crass and ugly, or perhaps that cousin Bertha’s new baby looks amazingly like a small chimpanzee, and really, isn’t it my DUTY to let them know how I feel? Isn’t honesty the best policy, and all that? To which Miss Manners replies, No, actually, there is no gentle way to say such things. You must say, Your painting reminds me so much of you, It brightens up the room, I’m so glad you found it; or, I think your baby takes after both of you, I’m so happy for you. In other words, shut up and move on.
Then, there’s another level of etiquette, that which says that your host or hostess will set the table thusly, and serve the food just so, so that if you find yourself wondering which flatware to use for which course of a gourmet meal, listen to Miss Manners, and she’ll tell you to start at the outside and work your way in, and that’s how you know which utensil goes with which dish. Or, another rule, no one takes seconds at a meal until the host or hostess does, thus avoiding the embarrassing situation when someone might ask for seconds, and there aren’t any. So even if the host or hostess isn’t hungry for more, they should take more, to reassure the guests that there is plenty for all. These rules may seem a bit stupid, and they are certainly quite genteel, but they can help. If you’re at an elegant dinner, after all, and not sure which is the salad fork, just remember the rules, and you’re fine, as long as your host or hostess remembers them as well.
But then (You knew I had but face, right? That’s a Buffyism for when your face looks like you’re about to say, “But…”) there are those rules that are just stupid, that make me think that Miss Manners is full of crap, and if these rules ever had any meaning, any ability to set one at ease in an awkward situation, that has long been lost, and all that remains is stupidity. Etiquette has some mighty dumb rules, and here she is, shilling them. Years ago, for example, I read a column in which a gentle reader was arguing with her sister-in-law about whether when you make your bed, it is proper for the patterned side to face up, so that when you fold the top over, the underside shows, OR, plain side up, so that when you fold the top over, the patterned side shows. Miss Manners chimed in and said that the correct way to make a bed is with the plain side up, so that the pattern shows when the sheet is folded over. My thought to this was, “WTF?” Why the hell does it matter how people choose to make their beds in their homes? Are we supposed to care? To judge them? Honestly, I have much better things to do with my time.
Then, a week or so ago, I read a column in which the gentle reader wrote to ask about how to cut his eggs. It seems that he is aware that it is improper to cut one’s eggs with a knife and fork, that one should use just their fork for fried eggs. However, he prefers his eggs runny, and likes to cut them with a knife and fork at the beginning of the meal, mix them all together, (maybe with some salt and pepper, like I like them) and then eat them with his toast. To which Miss Manners said, you must use your fork only, cut that which you are about to eat, and then do so. You can dip the white of the egg into the yolk after breaking it with your fork, and thus get the taste which you seek. Again, “WTF?” As long as you don’t have egg yolk stuck in your beard or something, how you choose to cut and eat your eggs is truly unimportant to me, and if you want to use your knife, go for it.
And yet…and yet…if ever, by some bizarre confusion of God’s plan, I should ever sit down for eggs with the Queen…I guess I’ll ask for scrambled eggs, just to play it safe. But at Denny’s? I’m using my knife.
11 Comments
Andie D.
Suddenly everything makes sense!
Patterned sheets with the pattern facing down. THEN I fold them over the comforter. Eureka.
I like to use a knife with my eggs too. How else are you supposed to push your eggs onto your fork? Oh yeah, toast. Mmmmmmm.
CuriosityKiller
I was fighting with my aunt about the sheets pattern facing down on the bed so the fold over would show, she shushed me away because I was 10 years old. Thank you — I feel so redeemed…
Did I just make myself sound prematurely anal?
Ml
I’ve always done the pattern facing down, but didn’t get it from the Miss Manners chick. You know somethings do matter, but I agree, others are just stoopid and who the hell cares.
Lotus
So funny how some people are more driven to be ‘right’, even if it’s only about how they cut their eggs.
It reminds me of some callers of the Verbivore show on NPR. Some people call in with genuine curiosity abouta word’s origin or it’s usage while others call in wanting to be vindicated.
One person actually called in to ‘ask’ if people were reciting the Pledge of Allegiance incorrectly. She said that people always say “one nation, under God” and she thought it should be said “one nation under God”. Give me a break. Everyone says it with the pause because that’s how we all as children learned to say; in bits and pieces. Get over yourself.
Although, I do try to get my hubby to cut his meat as he eats it. My guess is that it will stay warmer in big piece.
Py Korry
I agree with Ml…There are some things that matter when it comes to manners, but others are just a matter of preference.
Ginger
I have done such a poor job of teaching my children manners. But I learned from a pro and say sir and ma’m automatically. I do have a problem keeping my opinion to myself sometimes, though. I think as a society, we would be better off if more people payed attention to manners (though not the egg cutting or sheet folding).
Maya's Granny
Well, I’m just lucky to live on the last frontier, where you can cut your eggs any way you want, or even not at all. Just lift the whole thing onto your toast and bite into it, I suspose. Just as long as you don’t stare at the bears in the restaurant.
ally bean
When I was in college in England a kind older girl showed me how to eat soft-boiled eggs so that I wouldn’t be an oaf. Everything was so formal there that I never quite knew how to eat anything. Now, I just do what seems right to me, but back then I wanted to make a good impression so I did the mannerly thing.
Gina
I only eat scrambled eggs, so I will always have perfect manners when breakfasting with the Queen!
Lalunas
I found out about the sheet thing a long time ago and make my bed up that way. It always looks odd to me. But if you have a blanket over your sheet it looks good. But if blanketless it is weird.
hellomelissa
i try to be gracious in social circumstances, but our lifestyle is simply too casual for most of her entertaining and homemaking suggestions.
you’ve reminded me of a friend who was given a miss manners book (and ONLY a miss manners book) for her 16th birthday by her parents. i think she chucked it out the window a la becky sharp (from vanity fair). that friend now lives a nomadic existence with her hub & 2 kids on the island of koh tao in thailand. hah!