Breaking Her Fall

Breaking Her FallOne summer night in July of 1998, Tucker Jones drops his 14-year-old daughter, Kat, off with her (slightly older) friend, Abby, in front of a movie theater. But the girls meet up with a group of older boys, one of whom is Abby’s boyfriend, Jed. Jed’s parents are out of town, and he invites the girls back to his place for a party. The party is big and gets out of control, and a few hours later, Tucker receives a phone call from the parent of another girl, telling him that Kat has been drinking shots, has gotten naked, and gone into the pool house to give oral sex to several high school aged boys. Tucker flips out, and rushes over to Jed’s house to rescue his daughter, only to find the party long over, three or four somewhat sober boys sitting around a deck table talking and laughing, and Kat nowhere to be found. When Jed tells Tucker that he doesn’t know where Kat is, Tucker loses his temper, and smashes the empty beer bottles off of the table with a shovel he picked up on his way in. He and Jed get into a shoving match, and Jed slips and hits his head against the table, hard.

Thus begins this page turner of a novel, Breaking Her Fall, by Stephen Goodwin. Goodwin paints Tucker as a decent and loving father, a man who finds himself sinking into a moral quagmire, who is struggling to save his business, his reputation, and most importantly, his relationship with his daughter. Tucker is in over his head in dealing with this situation, and is struck over and over again by the pressures that teenage girls are forced to navigate.

Buffalo jumps. I’d been reading about Montana, and I kept thinking about the buffalo jumps, the cliffs over which the Plains Indians drove the herds of buffalo, slaughtering them in great numbers. That was happening to the girls. As I say, my imagination was drawn to violent images, but when I saw knots of girls on the street in their summer outfits, their tiny shorts and halters, with their spangly makeup and paste-on tattoos, when I saw them acting out the roles defined for them in the thousands of commercials and TV shows and popular songs and movies, when I put all this together with the case studies I was reading of the girls who cut themselves or couldn’t eat or simply couldn’t function, when I thought of what was happening to Kat – when I tried to make sense of it all, it seemed to me that the girls were as helpless and confused and panicky as the buffalo must have been as they stampeded over the edge of the precipice, that in all the noise and din they had lost their bearings, they they had no idea of the dangers of the plunge they were about to make.

Goodwin writes of the emotions and the difficult, halting conversations as Tucker and Kat try to understand how the events of that July night could possibly have come to unfold. As they try to understand each others’ actions and motives, to forgive not only each other, but themselves. As they try to find their way back together as a family, as the gossip mill of Washington DC blurs around them, as Kat is expelled from her private school, as Tucker’s ex-wife tries to fight for custody of Kat and her brother, Will. The story takes a lot of sideways and backward turns, as Tucker tries to unravel his own inner workings, tries to figure out who he is after this violent day, and as the family tries to mend its wounds and figure out if they can come together again.

I liked Breaking Her Fall a lot.  Most of the novels that I read are about women, especially those that are about emotions, passion, and family issues.  To read them from a man’s perspective was a welcome change.  His protectiveness for his children, his tenderness, and the way he has of keeping people at a distance since his divorce are all written so honestly and cleanly, that they will speak to many.  The end is a bit pat and predictable, but overall, a very good read, and one that I would recommend.

 

Friday Randomness

Diving right in...
Diving right on in here…

I am sick to death of TVs every-damn-where. (If you’re not supposed to split infinitives, you’re probably REALLY not supposed to split a word in half, but I don’t care. Sue me.) I hate going to restaurants where they have a TV set up, and it’s happening at more and more places. Some decent places even. Not that Carls Jr is what I would call a decent place, but really? TV? And California Pizza Kitchen, and so many other places. There was a nice pasta place down the street, and they put in a big TV, and then it closed. Wonder if the TV did them in? I hate shopping at Lucky (local grocery chain), because they have stupid TVs throughout the store as well. With cooking tips and so on. Don’t get me wrong, I love my TV. But I love it AT HOME. I don’t want to be followed by televisions every-damn-where. Ugh.

I’m getting my hair done tomorrow. I love getting my hair done. I love how much better I feel afterward. Of course, I go to a Paul Mitchell beauty school to get it done, which takes about 3 times as long as at my old salon, but it costs about 1/3 of the price, and when you do multiple colors like I do, that adds up to quite a pretty penny. So I’ll bring a book and make a day of it.

Anyone else interested in watching “Who Do You Think You Are” on NBC tonight? I am totally sucked in by the idea of it. Mostly, I think, because I know a lot about my family tree (back to the 1600s in the U.S., not much about England before that), and I want to know if I’m related to any of these famous people. Tonight is Sarah Jessica Parker, and they say she’s related to a Salem witch. Hey, I’M related to a Salem witch! So you know…maybe! I have to watch.

I went to Maya’s old school today and was chatting with the principal, and we were talking about the sorry state of education funding in this stupid state of ours, and I mentioned that there’s a special ballot for a new parcel tax for the high school district that Maya will go to next year. She mentioned that it might pass, but that the district that her school is in can’t ever get a parcel tax passed. I knew this, but I didn’t know why. That school district is a pretty big one, with a lot of schools, and they span several cities, my city being the wealthiest of the group. Not that we’re wealthy (oh, I wish!), but many in our area are. The schools in that district that are in my city are the best in the district. SO, the people in my city who are in that district CONSISTENTLY vote down any new parcel taxes to fund the schools, because hell, THEIR schools are good, and they don’t want THEIR money going to improve the schools in our neighboring towns in the same district. Really people? THIS is how petty and mean we are? REALLY? Such a sense of “I’ve got mine, to hell with you”. YOU’RE IN THE SAME F**ING DISTRICT. We really, really need to fix the stupid budgeting process in California. It’s broken. In far more ways than this one. (Just re-read that…kinda confusing. There are three school districts around here…District A, which encompasses several towns in the area, including about half of my town. District B, which encompasses the other half of my town, and is quite small. It only goes up through 8th grade. District C, which is a high school only district, and has 4 or 5 high schools, including the one that Maya will most likely go to. Only one of the high schools in District C are in the same towns as the high schools in District A. More clear? No? Dang.)

We also talked a bit about TV. She was saying how she likes Weeds, which reminded me that I used to like that show. We stopped watching out of inertia, I guess. No real reason. But while I liked it, liked the writing and the acting and the characters, I had trouble with the basic premise of the show. Which is, wealthy, educated, suburban woman in a big house needs money fast. Her husband died or something, I don’t remember. Does she get a job? No. Does she downsize into a smaller house? No. She can’t do those things, because they would be disruptive to her children, who have already been through too much when they lost their father. So she becomes a pot dealer. Like THAT’S not going to disrupt the kids? HELLO. I know, when you’re watching TV, you have to let go and just get into the story. And usually I can do that. And I like my characters to be human and flawed as much as the next viewer. But somehow, the fact that she didn’t even TRY a more moral, normal, every day solution just bugs me. So I don’t know. Maybe I’ll netflix the seasons we’ve missed. Maybe I won’t.

Speaking of Netflix, Season 2 of Thirtysomething is out on DVD, and we’ve been watching it. I can’t help it, I love that show.

Speaking of TV, why the hell is Big Love almost over? The season finale is Sunday, which is the 9th episode of the season. 9th. That sucks. Maybe next year they’ll have 3. Season premier, season, season finale. Grrr.

Maya and I got our teeth cleaned yesterday. The dentist found ‘composite’ on her teeth, the stuff that sticks the braces to the teeth. Not shocking, but gosh, we paid a lot for those braces and the orthodontist’s time. Couldn’t they have gotten it all off when they took off her braces? No? Whatever. When I got my braces off almost 30 years ago, we didn’t have dental insurance or money to go to the dentist, and I had that crap on my teeth for YEARS.

Cherry’s baby shower is next weekend. I’m looking forward to it, but I’ll confess here that I haven’t been going off the registry. Baby clothes are FAR too cute for me to spend my time and money on less cute things. I hope someone else will step up and be practical. ;)

We had sole for dinner last night. I’m not sure if I’ve ever had sole before. It was….delicate. That’s a nice way of saying, no real flavor. I don’t know if that’s because I didn’t get good sole, or if it’s just a very mild fish. With a lemon/butter/parsley sauce, it tasted like lemon, butter, and parsley. Which is good, but still.

Happy Friday, everyone. Hope you’re well.

 

March Forth!

Literally

Today is National Grammar Day!  To celebrate, I’m freely cribbing a list of grammar myths from Grammar Girl, for your enjoyment.  Full credit to Grammar Girl, though I might add a few comments here and there…

Grammar Girl’s Top 10 Language Myths:

10. A run-on sentence is a really long sentence. Wrong! They can actually be quite short. In a run-on sentence, independent clauses are squished together without the help of punctuation or a conjunction. If you write I am happy I am glad* as one sentence without a semicolon, colon, or dash between the two independent clauses, it’s a run-on sentence even though it only has six words.

9. You shouldn’t start a sentence with the word however. Wrong! It’s fine to start a sentence with however so long as you use a comma after it when it means “nevertheless.”

8. Irregardless is not a word. Wrong! Irregardless is a word in the same way ain’t is a word. They’re informal. They’re nonstandard. You shouldn’t use them if you want to be taken seriously, but they have gained wide enough use to qualify as words. (J’s note…irregardless may indeed be a word.  But it’s ugly.)

7. There is only one way to write the possessive form of a word that ends in s. Wrong! It’s a style issue. For example, in the phrase Kansas’s statute, you can put just an apostrophe at the end of Kansas or you can put an apostrophe s at the end of Kansas. Both ways are acceptable.

6. Passive voice is always wrong. Wrong! Passive voice is when you don’t name the person who’s responsible for the action. An example is the sentence “Mistakes were made,” because it doesn’t say who made the mistakes. If you don’t know who is responsible for an action, passive voice can be the best choice.  (J’s note…I’ve never been good with this one.  I used to get marked down in grad school for this one all the time.  Only by one professor, interestingly enough.  I wonder why the other professors didn’t ding me?)

5. I.e. and e.g. mean the same thing. Wrong! E.g. means “for example,” and i.e. means roughly “in other words.” You use e.g. to provide a list of incomplete examples, and you use i.e. to provide a complete clarifying list or statement.

4. You use a before words that start with consonants and an before words that start with vowels. Wrong! You use a before words that start with consonant sounds and an before words that start with vowel sounds. So, you’d write that someone has an MBA instead of a MBA, because even though MBA starts with m, which is a consonant, it starts with the sound of the vowel e–MBA.

3. It’s incorrect to answer the question “How are you?” with the statement “I’m good.” Wrong! Am is a linking verb and linking verbs should be modified by adjectives such as good. Because well can also act as an adjective, it’s also fine to answer “I’m well,” but some grammarians believe “I’m well” should be used to talk about your health and not your general disposition.  (J’s note…I don’t like to hear people say ‘I’m good’.  Just bugs. )

2. You shouldn’t split infinitives. Wrong! Nearly all grammarians want to boldly tell you it’s OK to split infinitives. An infinitive is a two-word form of a verb. An example is “to tell.” In a split infinitive, another word separates the two parts of the verb. “To boldly tell” is a split infinitive because boldly separates to from tell.

1. You shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition. Wrong! You shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition when the sentence would mean the same thing if you left off the preposition. That means “Where are you at?” is wrong because “Where are you?” means the same thing. But there are many sentences where the final preposition is part of a phrasal verb or is necessary to keep from making stuffy, stilted sentences: I’m going to throw up, let’s kiss and make up, and what are you waiting for are just a few examples.  (J’s note..I agree completely, but did anyone else read that as one sentence, “I’m going to throw up, let’s kiss and make up“?  Ewww.)

Happy National Grammar Day, and thanks to Grammar Girl for the list. Just for fun, since I haven’t ranted about my own grammar pet peeves, here are a few oldies in case you’re interested:
How to Use Your Apostrophe Correctly
Stupid Grammar Rules
Thirteen Grammar Pet Peeves
Note: I’ve switched blogs and comment services and updated Wordpress versions since some of these were written, so pictures are missing and there may be weird symbols inserted. I should fix them. I know.

 

Linguine with Herbed Shrimp

Shrimp Linguine
(photo found at a yummy cooking blog, Kevin at Closet Cooking, along with a really yummy looking recipe for a different shrimp and pasta combination. I tried to find a picture from a cookbook or something, but none looked anything like what I made. I should have taken my own photo, clearly. This looks similar, though mine had tomatoes.)

My mom gave me a great cookbook years ago, Pasta Fresca. I think that was when Ted and I first moved in together in 1990. It is one of my very favorite cookbooks, partly because I love pasta, and partly because the recipes are all delicious.

When cooking with recipes, my policy is usually to follow the recipe exactly at least the first time through, and then to modify it if need be to fit my taste. This recipe is good enough that it doesn’t really need any alterations to make it better, or so I thought. I decided to make this the other night, and I used a couple of tips that I learned on America’s Test Kitchen, and varied the ingredients very slightly, with the result that it was even better than it usually is. Here is the recipe, as copied from the book, and then I’ll note my variations after.

Linguine with Herbed Shrimp
from Pasta Fresca, by Viana La Place and Evan Kleiman

Ingredients

1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil, divided
Bunch fresh thyme or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
Large handful chopped Italian parsley
1 large or 2 small bay leaves
Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
1 28-oz can imported Italian tomatoes, drained
1 lb imported linguine

Directions

Cook the shrimp in 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil in a medium saucepan with the thyme, parsley, bay leaves, salt, and pepper. Cook just until the shrimp turns pink and is slightly firm. Do not overcook.

To make the sauce, heat 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil in a medium saucepan, add the garlic and sauté briefly just until it turns opaque. Add the tomatoes directly to the pan by putting them through the coarse disk of a food mill. Cook the tomatoes quickly over medium heat until the sauce thickens. At this point, add the shrimp and all the herbs to the sauce. Heat through so the shrimp are warm but not overcooked.

Cook the pasta in abundant boiling salted water until al dente. Quickly drain and place in a shallow serving bowl. Add the shrimp-tomato sauce and mix. Serve immediately.

Now for my variations.

  • First, buying the shrimp. I was watching America’s Test Kitchen a few weeks ago, and they were talking about the best way to buy shrimp at the grocery store. If you have access to truly wonderful, truly fresh shrimp right off the boat, then goody for you, just shut up about it, OK? If you’re like the rest of us, and have to buy shrimp at the grocery store, then you should buy frozen. Why? Because shrimp starts to turn bad quite quickly, so the longer it sits on ice behind the fish counter, the yuckier it is. Also, the fisherman generally freeze it right away anyway, so it’s frozen and thawed. Might as well buy the frozen. Within the category of frozen shrimp, they said to buy it raw, shell on. You can get deveined, but if you get it with the shell off, they use a chemical to aid the shelling process, and that chemical adds a faint though unpleasant taste to the shrimp. They said the best for most recipe is in the 21/25 size, which means 21 to 25 shrimp per pound. It just so happened that Safeway had frozen, raw, deveined, 21/25 bags of shrimp on sale the other day, for about $12 for 2 lbs. Pretty good, since it’s usually about $20 for 2 lbs.
  • Next tip, to get a good texture on the shrimp, is to dry it well on paper towels before cooking. If it’s wet, the water steams the shrimp and it doesn’t get any kind of crust. Also, if you season the shrimp, it will have more flavor. So instead of adding the salt and pepper to the sauce, I sprinkled it directly onto the shrimp.
  • Instead of cooking in straight olive oil, I added about a tablespoon of butter. So olive oil and butter. Be careful not to overcook that shrimp, or it will be rubbery.
  • Let’s talk tomatoes. I was recently making a recipe that called for Rotel tomatoes, and I didn’t write it down, so when I got to the grocery store, I bought a carton of Pomi Tomatoes. Since I needed the spice of the Rotel tomatoes for that other (mediocre) recipe, I tucked the Pomi into the cupboard. So I decided to try them tonight. You know what? They beat the canned stuff all hollow. The ingredients on the ‘all natural’ can of tomatoes I had lying around includes tomatoes, tomato juice, salt, citric acid, and calcium chloride. The ingredients on a carton of Pomi? Tomatoes. That’s it. None of the overly sweet or overly salty, or slightly metallic, flavor, that so often accompanies canned tomatoes.
  • My final tip is that I like my pasta kind of saucy. So while I left the proportions alone for the sauce, I only cooked 1/2 lb of pasta, and I cooked it very al dente, then put it in the pan with the sauce and let it cook another minute there, to absorb the flavors.

The results were tender, delicious shrimp in a light, delicious sauce. Really, really good. Would have been nice with a few red pepper flakes thrown in, but it was really good without as well. Bonus points if you know anyone named Herb, and prepare it for them.

 

Day After Night

Day After Night

The nightmares made their rounds hours ago.  The tossing and whimpering are over.  Even the insomniacs have settled down.  The twenty restless bodies rest, and faces aged by hunger, grief, and doubt relax to reveal the beauty and the pity of their youth.  Not one of the women in Barrack C is twenty-one, but all of them or orphans.

Their cheeks press against small, military-issue pillows that smell of disinfectant.  Lumpy and flat from long service under heavier heads, they bear no resemblance to the goose-down clouds that many of them enjoyed in childhood.  And yet, the girls burrow into them with perfect contentment, embracing them like teddy bears.  There were no pillows for them in the other barracks.  No one gives a pillow to an animal.

The Atlit detainee camp was a detention center set up by the British to hold Jewish refugees who were fleeing the Nazis, trying to reach Palestine and what would soon become the nation of Israel.  Refugees were brought in, sprayed with DDT, and put into communal showers.  They were kept at Atlit until their papers could be verified, which was understandably very difficult for many holocaust survivors, as they escaped with nothing.  While nowhere nearly so horrific as what they had endured and fought against during the war, being held in a camp like prisoners was a bitter reminder to the inmates that they had no real home, no land where they were truly welcome. In October of 1945, the detainees of Atlit are rescued by the Israelis from the nearby kibbutzes.

Anita Diamant, author of the amazing The Red Tent, has taken this piece of history and written a wonderful book of historical fiction.  Day After Night tells the story of 4 young women who meet at in the limbo of Atlit.  They are Shayndel, a Polish Zionist who questions her own part in the movement; Tedi, a Dutch Jew who spent much of the war hidden away in the barn of a farming family; Leonie, a blonde who spent the war in Paris; and Zorah, a woman haunted by her memories of the Concentration Camp.  All four women have lost their entire families.  All four are alone in the world, all four had unspeakable experiences which haunt them and linger in their memories.  All four are hoping to find freedom and happiness in the new land of Israel, but are hesitant to allow themselves real hope.  It has been so long since any dreams come true.  For too long, their lives have been more reminiscent of nightmares.

While the story is framed around the historic event of the liberation of the prisoners of Atlit, the real story is that of these four young women, their friendship, and the weight of their memories and losses.  As their separate stories come out, their secret fears and secret shames, they are bound closer together. Together, they can begin to find some balance in the world, however temporary, before they part from one another and go their separate ways.

I found this to be a very compelling read. I’m not sure I liked it quite as much as I liked The Red Tent, but that is a tall order. I don’t like many books as much as I liked The Red Tent. Day After Night is a wonderful book, and I would highly recommend it.

 

At The Cusp of Woman and Black

February is Black History Month, and March is Women’s History Month, so here at the cusp I’m going to repost an oldie from my early days of blogging, about my personal hero, Harriet Tubman. Originally posted April 13, 2006.

In yesterday’s post, which was a meme of six weird things about me, I mentioned that my personal real life hero is Harriet Tubman. I admire her for her grace, her courage, her determination, and her strength of conviction. She was a woman who wanted freedom, and found a way to attain it…once she had tasted the sweet flavor, however, she determined that she must free others, so she went back into harm’s way, so that she might rescue others. I’m assuming you all know of her work. Of how she, along with the help of the underground railroad, spirited slaves out of the south to their freedom in Canada. How she served as a nurse and a spy during the Civil War. How she became active with the suffragettes, and made speeches about women’s rights. How many of us would find the strength to do 1/10th of what she did? Who among us would, after escaping with our lives, after having grown up suffering severe beatings at the hands of a cruel master, be able to muster the strength to go back, into danger, where our capture would mean horrors beyond our imagining. And she did this again, and again, and again. Her life was an example to us all.

I started this post with the simple idea of telling a cute story…how Maya told me yesterday, that when she was little, and they were supposed to talk about heroes at school, and I told her about my hero, Harriet Tubman, she imagined her as being able to fly, and that she wore a cape. That she flew down from the sky and rescued slaves from the south, like Superman or Wonder Woman. I love that mental picture. But even that doesn’t compare with the real Harriet Tubman.

Do you have a real-life hero?

 

Sunday Morning Randomness

My heart goes out to the people in Chile, in light of the 8.8 (!!!) magnitude earthquake that hit there this morning.  8.8 is HUGE.  The largest I’ve felt was 7.1, later downgraded to 6.9, in October of 1989 in San Francisco, and I seriously thought we might die.  So 8.8?  CRAP.  The difference in initial death estimates between this earthquake and the Haiti earthquake speaks to infrastructure and building code, I think.  Meaning?  Money.  Countries that aren’t dirt poor have a better chance of surviving huge catastrophes than countries that are dirt poor.  Same as it ever was.

Um, what about the trainer who was killed by a killer whale at Sea World?  A killer whale who has killed 3 other people so far?  When will we learn that wild animals are NOT to be trusted, are NOT domesticated, and are NOT evil for their actions, but are NOT safe.  I do not know.  This reminds me of a story I recently told in the comments at another blog, about my sweet dog Samantha.  We got Sam when she was about 3 months old.  We raised her, and she was the most gentle, sweet dog you could ever imagine.  She was my BFF.  She let us hitch her up to a sled and make her pull us.  She let me come into her house and watch while she gave birth, looking up and licking my face in the process.  She was so sweet, we used to joke that she would probably lick a burglar to death before defending us.   Yet.  One time, she got a bad vibe from a TV repairman, and would not let him near me.  She stood between us, and growled at him, until he finally left.  I was 10, and thankful for her doggy instincts and protection.  Another time, we were out in front of our house, her off her leash, and a neighbor came home with her little dog, one that Samantha had played with several times before, with no problem.  This time, Samantha got one look at that dog from across the street, and ran full tilt over there and savaged that poor poodle, putting it in the veterinary hospital and destroying my allowance.  Luckily, that poor dog lived and recovered.  But there is a lesson there.  We can’t even always trust our fellow human beings, so why do we think we can ALWAYS and without question trust an animal?  And if we can’t always trust a domesticated animal, like a dog or a cat or a horse, because they are motivated by instinct above all else, why should we trust wild animals?  And why should we keep wild animals in captivity?  They suffer.  This is not a real life for them.  It is only good for the people who love to come and see them (they are beautiful), and the people who make money off of it.   Not enough of a reason to keep up this practice, in my opinion.

No Braces!

Maya had her braces removed this week.  She. Is. Gorgeous.  I hated paying all of that money, and I’ll croak if she ever takes up ice hockey, but otherwise, money well spent.  They gave her $50 for going 2 years without breaking a band or a wire, which she promptly spent on new clothes, as will any 13 year old girl.  Guessing that $50 was built into my bill.  Sigh.

Genevieve went to the vet recently for a checkup.  The vet said she’s doing as well as can be expected, for a blind dog of almost 12.  She’s so sweet, and has lost so much of her spunk in life.  That sucks.  I wish she weren’t afraid, and would still be playful and fun.  She’s a good girl, though.

Does anyone really care about Tiger Woods anymore? Anyone who isn’t financially invested in Tiger Woods, the brand, that is?  No?  Good.  Me neither.  Not judging him, not judging his marriage or his business or his life.  Who the hell cares.  They’re all idiots, so why bother.

I’m kinda hankering for pancakes lately, but not enough to do anything about it.  Guess I should.

Ted and I went out for a lovely dinner a week or so ago, where I had duck and he had lamb and it just reminded us of how, while the restaurants in our little suburb are better than your average Chile’s or Olive Garden or whatever, they’re not as good as those to be found in a big city.  Going to Berkeley or San Francisco almost always means a much better meal.   Don’t misunderstand.  The meal we had was lovely.  Just that so many that we have are just….OK.  It was like, this meal jogged our memory of the good meals out there that we could be having.  Yum.

We’ve had enough rain here that the farmers in the central valley are going to get 30% of what they’ve requested, vs. 10% that they got last year.  Drought over?  No, not yet.  But better.  I love the rain, so I’m hoping for a few more wet weeks before the official end of rain in April.  So far it’s been good, with enough dry days in between storms, so we don’t have many mudslides.  Life in California, huh?  Gorgeous weather, tempered by fire, earthquake, drought, and mudslides.  I keep hoping to hear of a perfect place out there, but I suspect if someone finds it, I won’t be able to afford the real estate.

 

Healthy Choices

I'm, Lik, SO fat!I recently read a book that I thought might be good for the parents of any teen. Especially girls, but boys as well. It was recommended to me by a friend, who was particularly impressed by the section on how dieting does NOT work, and that especially in teens who are still growing, it usually leads to the body ‘resetting’ at a higher weight. So teens who diet are likely to end up weighing more than they might have otherwise. Any teen thinking about going on a diet might think twice if given this information. This books appears to be mostly common sense, but completely against what the consumer culture and diet industry would like us to believe.

The book is titled: “I’m, like, SO fat” Helping Your Teen Make Healthy Choices About Eating and Exercise in a Weight Obsessed World, by Dianne Newmark-Sztainer, PhD.

One thing that struck me was how our culture is obsessed with being thin, while at the same time, our culture pushes super-sized junk food. Our kids are supposed to be fit, strong, and ripped, and at the same time, video games are getting better and better, as are opportunities for kids to have a social life and a lot of fun on the internet. So they’re supposed to eat crap, sit around, and yet be thin and strong. An impossible combination.

The focus of the book is mostly helping your teen if and when they start struggling with body issues, perhaps talking about wanting to lose weight, perhaps starting to diet on their own. She urges you to talk to your kids about dieting, about how it DOES NOT WORK, no matter what Special K and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig would like you to believe. If it worked, it would work, and they’d be out of business. She urges you to help your children to manage their weight through behavior, not diet. Behaviors like eating all of the foods on the food pyramid, and not restricting yourself from entire groups (like Atkins does). Like getting out and moving some. Healthy eating and a healthy activity level will bring a healthy weight. Perhaps not as fast, but more long lasting, and leading to happier, healthier person.  Also, what is a healthy weight for one child may not be a healthy weight for another person of the same height, even if they have the same build.  We have to learn to trust our bodies.  This is extremely difficult for teens, who compare their bodies so much to those of their friends, and might wish they could be the same size as a thinner friend, or have the curves of another friend.

She also talks about helping your teen to have better self-esteem, something that’s sometimes difficult at this age, when so much of our teens self-esteem seems to be wrapped up in their looks more than anything else. I was hoping for more concrete information in this area, but she focused mainly on parental behaviors. She says, the four cornerstones of promoting healthy body image are:

1. Model healthy behaviors for your children.

  • Avoid dieting, or at least unhealthy dieting behaviors.
  • Avoid making weight-related comments as much as possible.
  • Engage in regular physical activity that you enjoy.
  • Model healthy (but NOT perfect) eating patterns and food choices.

2. Provide an environment that makes it easy for your children to make healthy choices.

  • Make healthy choices readily available.
  • Establish family meal norms that work for your family.
  • Make physical activity the norm in your family and limit TV watching.
  • Support your teen’s efforts to get involved in physical activity.

3. Focus less on weight, instead focus on behaviors and overall health.

  • Encourage your teen to adopt healthy behaviors without focusing on weight loss.
  • Help your teen develop an identity that goes beyond physical appearance.
  • Establish a no-tolerance policy for weight teasing in your home. (This means fat jokes about people on TV even.)

4. Provide a supportive environment with lots of talking and even more listening.

  • Be there to listen and provide support when your teen discusses weight concerns.
  • When your teen talks about fat, find out what is really going on.
  • Keep the lines of communication open – no matter what.
  • Provide unconditional love, not based on weight, and let your child know how you feel.

There’s also a section on parenting an overweight child, and helping them to find acceptance and happiness with their body, and another on how to spot the warning signs of an eating disorder. The key if you suspect that your child might possibly, perhaps, maybe be coming down with an eating disorder, is to TRUST YOUR GUT. Get them help. The sooner, the better.

Neumark-Sztainer is the parent of four teens, and so she has tips on bringing up touchy topics with touchy teens. This books wasn’t the be-all and answer-all type that I thought it might be, but I thought it did have some very good, affirming information, thoughtfully presented.

 

Strange Fruit

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Strange Fruit

Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black body swinging in the Southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant South,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolia sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh!

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.

I had never heard this song before, nor did I know the story behind it. I was listening to ‘Talk of the Nation‘ on the radio today, and they were talking about Billie Holiday, amongst other things, and brought up this song. It’s chilling.

You can read about the history of the song, and its inspiration in the famous picture of Thomas Shipp and Abram Smith, two black men lynched in Marion, IN, in 1930.

 

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Hobbes

 

Mavericks

Tiny Surfer, Huge Wave
Down near Half Moon Bay (yes, very close to where we took the girl scouts to the beach a few weeks ago, but under totally different conditions) there is sometimes held a ‘Big Wave’ surfing competition called Mavericks. This year the waves appeared to be right, so the elite big wave surfers voted to hold the competition, and it was on, February 13, 2010. HUGE waves, 50 ft, which is five stories tall. You might think that if waves are going to be that big, people might stay away from the shore, but a couple of hundred people were swept off of their feet on Saturday morning, 15 of them were injured, and thankfully, no one was swept out to sea. Part of you says, “um, duh, stay away”, but to be honest, there were 20K people in a very small area, and the structures for the judges were right there as well, and this has never happened before, so of course people thought they were safe. Just a warning, if you ever come to Northern California, especially in winter, do not turn your back on the ocean. The rogue waves kill a few people every year, 2 or three so far this year already. Anyway, if you want to see some amazing pictures of this amazing contest, check them out at SFGate.

 

Gorgeousness and Gorgeousity


Where the heck does the time go? Maya will be 14 in 6 weeks. All grown up, yes? Admire the new hairdo. The cool pink and blue are gone, the lovely blonde highlights are in. In about 10 days, the braces come off. Those high school boys won’t know what hit them.

 

Lamb Ragu with Mint

Lamb Ragu with Mint

(photo found here, because I’m too lazy to take a picture of my own…)

I saw Giada make this recipe on TV the other day, and I decided that I wanted to try it. Fortuitously, the next day, I saw an episode of America’s Test Kitchen where they talked about the problem with recipes such as this one, and they talked about how to correct it. So I put the two together, and made a killer Super Bowl Sunday pasta for our dinner. Really, really good. (Go Saints!) So, here’s Giada’s recipe, which varies slightly but (I think) critically from her cookbook:

Lamb Ragu with Mint
Ingredients
* 1 pound rigatoni pasta
* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* 2 shallots, chopped
* 1 clove garlic, minced
* 1 1/2 pounds ground lamb
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* 1 cup red wine
* 4 cups marinara sauce, store-bought or home made
* 1/2 cup fresh mint leaves, torn
* 1/2 cup ricotta cheese

Directions
Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender but still firm to the bite, stirring occasionally, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain pasta.

Meanwhile, in a large skillet warm the olive oil over high heat. Add the shallots and the garlic and cook until tender, about 3 minutes. Add the ground lamb, salt, and pepper. Cook until the lamb has browned and the juices have evaporated. Add the wine, scraping up any brown bits from the bottom of the pan using a wooden spoon. Simmer until the wine has reduced by half. Add the marinara sauce and simmer over low heat until the flavors have blended, about 10 minutes. Add the int and ricotta and stir until mixed. Add the pasta and stir to coat. Serve immediately.

Apparently, this recipe is slightly different than in her cookbook (I’m not sure which one, since I didn’t get it from a cookbook, and she has several. The cookbook recipe calls for 2 cups of marinara sauce, while on TV, she used 4 cups of sauce. We have a 1 cup measure, and a 2 cup measure, and nothing larger, so when I made it, Maya filled the 2 cup measure twice. When the ragu only contained 2 cups of sauce, it was just NOT enough. Not enough for pasta, at least. So I agree with the change to 4 cups. I decided that since it was a Sunday afternoon and I had time, I would use her recipe for home made marinara sauce, which was delicious.

Marinara Sauce
Ingredients
* 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
* 2 small onions, finely chopped
* 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
* 2 stalks celery, finely chopped
* 2 carrots, peeled and finely chopped
* 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
* 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* 2 (32-ounce) cans crushed tomatoes
* 2 dried bay leaves

Directions
In a large casserole pot, heat the oil over a medium-high flame. Add the onions and garlic and saute until the onions are translucent, about 10 minutes. Add the celery, carrots, and 1/2 teaspoon of each salt and pepper. Saute until all the vegetables are soft, about 10 minutes. Add the tomatoes and bay leaves, and simmer uncovered over low heat until the sauce thickens, about 1 hour. Remove and discard the bay leaf. Season the sauce with more salt and pepper, to taste. (The sauce can be made 1 day ahead. Cool, then cover and refrigerate. Rewarm over medium heat before using.)

I couldn’t find a 32-oz can of crushed tomatoes, but I could find 2 28-oz cans + 1 15-oz can, which is about 8 oz more than the recipe calls for. You can’t really do that in baking, but in a pasta sauce, who cares. This recipe made about twice as much sauce as I needed, but Ted’s making Chicken Parmesan tonight, so he can use some of the extra there. You could halve the recipe, or you could freeze the extra for another use. Nothing wrong with extra marinara laying around, right?

I’ll bet you’re wondering what the secret was that I saw on America’s Test Kitchen, right? Well, they were making a Bolognese sauce, and were talking about how browning the meat and then adding the sauce often leads to a rubbery consistency in the meat. I’ve had that happen, and it’s disappointing when you’ve put a lot of time and effort into your sauce. Heck, it’s disappointing even if you’re using a jar of good sauce. Who wants rubbery meat? Not me. The trick is to take a piece of good bread (they said white, but all we had was whole wheat), and put it into the food processor with about 2 tblsp. of milk, process it, and then add the meat. Here’s the directions from their recipe, which do not match the recipe above:

Pulse milk and bread in food processor until it forms a paste, about 8 pulses. Add salt and pepper. Add beef and pulse until just combined, about 6 pulses.

You then start by sauteing your shallots and garlic a bit, and adding the lamb/bread/milk mixture, and cooking but not browning them. Once the meat is no longer pink, you then add the red wine, and follow the original recipe from there.

The result? A WINNER. Really, really yummy. The meat was soft and moist, which was perfect for a ragu. The ricotta cheese added a delicious creaminess to the dish. I was worried about the mint, so I served it on the side, and we tried it with and without. With was definitely better. The mint gave the dish a nice bright flavor that counterbalanced the depth of the lamb and wine. Really, really good. It got 6 thumbs up (two each from me, Ted, and Maya). I recommend it highly. Thanks Giada, and thanks ATK. Really good.

Btw, the ATK recipe calls for some mushrooms in the meat mixture, which adds extra meaty flavor to the sauce. I was going to try this, but forgot to buy mushrooms. I’ll bet it would be delicious.

 

Jon Hamm as….SERGIO!

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If you thought you loved him as Don Draper in Mad Men, wait until you see him as Sergio the Sexy Sax Player!  Wait…I love Don more.  Wait…Don’s an ass.  I forgot.

 

(Not) Lost Generation

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I got this in the email the other day. I liked it. See if you do, too.