Into this wilde Abyss,
The Womb of nature and perhaps her Grave,
Of neither Sea, nor Shore, nor Air, nor Fire,
But all these in their pregnant causes mixt
Confus’dly, and which thus must ever fight,
Unless th’ Almighty Maker them ordain
His dark materials to create more Worlds,
Into this wilde Abyss the warie fiend
Stood on the brink of Hell and look’d a while,
Pondering his Voyage; for no narrow frith
He had to cross.

~Milton’s Paradise Lost

The Amber Spyglass is the third book in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. It continues the story of Lyra and Will, two young adolescents with extraordinary powers. Lyra’s power is that she can read the althiometer, first described in The Golden Compass. With the althiometer, Lyra can find the answer to any question she can think of, from something as basic as where to find someone who is lost, to whether it is right or wrong to go into the afterlife and try to rescue the ghosts of everyone who has ever lived.

Will wields the Subtle Knife. with which he can cut doors between worlds. Lyra and Will come from different worlds, in a multiverse based on the concept that worlds split off from one another, and these universes continue to develop parallel to one another. Some universes are more parallel than others. For example, Will comes from our universe, or one almost exactly like it, and lives in Oxford, England. Lyra also lives in Oxford, but in her universe, there are no automobiles, and a person’s soul lives outside of their body, in the form of an animal, called a daemon. Other universes are very different, such as the one inhabited by the mulafa, an intelligent race of beings that look something like elephants, though they have evolved to travel by attaching large wheel-like pods from trees to their feet.

I really enjoyed The Golden Compass, and my favorite book in the series was The Subtle Knife. The friendship that develops between Lyra and Will is wonderful to watch, and their characters are well thought out and have a lot of depth. I’m sorry to say that The Amber Spyglass was my least favorite book of the trilogy. Perhaps it tries to do too much, but it had a somewhat disjointed feel to it, and was a bit heavy handed in its treatment of religious metaphors. In that way, it reminded me of my least favorite of the Narnia Series, The Last Battle. Where The Last Battle was overtly religious, and The Amber Spyglass was overtly atheistic (or at least agnostic…there is a suggestion somewhere that perhaps there was a creator), they both tried too hard, in my mind, to hit you over the head with their main point.

The overall message was fairly traditional, that love conquers all, that it is our responsibility to use power for good, and that personal sacrifice for the betterment of all is sacrifice well made. The fight between good and evil was represented in new and interesting ways, though the end was somewhat simplistic and disappointing. I would recommend this book, because the series is incomplete without it, as The Subtle Knife ended with a cliffhanger. But this book doesn’t stand up, in my mind, as well as either of the other two books in the trilogy.

The Amber Spyglass was long listed for the 2001 Man Booker Prize, and won the Whitbread Book of the Year Award, as well as the British Book Award, and was an ALA Notable Book.

That tiny country (not really tiny, not really)

in the middle of Asia,

flavored by India and Thailand and the middle east…

a tiny country (not really tiny, not really)

now named Myanmar, torn apart and wrecked

by a horrid combination of God’s wrath and man’s indifference.

Burma, a tiny country (not really tiny, not really)

full of suffering and sorrow and pain

Burma, that tiny country (not really tiny, not really)

if I knew how to pray, I would pray for you.

Seems like these last few months are taking their toll on me, and my mom’s latest setback has thrown my stress into full gear. She had a horrid reaction to the Prozac (duh), in that it made her paranoid. She thought she had been kidnapped, and that people were trying to kill her. That wouldn’t be horridly stressful, since I’ve seen this before (far too recently, with the Paxil), and I know the answer is to change the meds. Except that gosh, she hasn’t eaten more than a few bites of anything in a few months, and she isn’t motivated to get up and move like she needs to. Her body is having a hell of a time right now. So any little setback feels dangerous. And it feels like it’s all falling squarely on the shoulders of me and Kate. We have to talk to the doctors, and make sure that the meds that they’re giving her are correct. We have to let them know her past situation, and her current situation, etc. We have to figure out what will happen if she’s not well enough to go live with Kate when the Medicare runs out. Perhaps worst of all, we have to worry that we’re forgetting something important, something that could cause another setback. No pressure, though, right? Crap.

Thankfully, the Prozac is out of her system, and she’s no longer afraid that her caretakers are trying to kill her. She’s talked to Kate about what she needs to do before she is well enough for Kate to be able to care for her again. She’s getting help for the pain in her hip (sciatica, we think). Getting the hell out of the care center is a big motivator, so she’s doing her best to eat and do her physical therapy, even though she still doesn’t want to do either. So she’s on the mend. Slowly, perhaps, but on the mend.

In the meantime, I’m snapping at Maya, walking around like a ghost, and perhaps ruining our sheets. Sheets? Don’t ask. You need to know? Really? OK, well, we bought some yummy sheets last year, and they’re getting holes in them. Not just one tiny hole, but several holes. And only under me. None on Ted’s side of the bed. Right about where my arms and hands are. So what, am I scratching the sheets in my sleep? Or am I tossing and turning so much that any weak spots are getting pulled into holes? WTF? I don’t know. What I do know is that somethings gotta give. Ted says in many ways, I’m like a different person. People tell me not to worry, but how? How do I not worry, when her recovery is dependent on me paying attention to her medications, her treatments, and whether the doctors in the Alaskan hospital, the doctors in the Alaskan extended care center, the California hospital, and the California extended care center are communicating effectively? Hint, NO, they’re not. At every. single. step of the way, important information has been ignored or left behind, and several times, it has compromised her recovery. So it’s vitally important that I remember what has worked and what hasn’t thus far, and that I communicate it to the people caring for her. And, sadly enough, it’s also important that we figure out a plan B, in case she’s not ready to go home when it’s time. And just when I think I’m doing well, I’m distracted by a book or a glass of wine or whatever, the phone rings (sometimes at 11pm) with someone wanting to figure things out, and the stress level goes back up again.

So. Here’s the plan.

1. Get back into exercising. Did some Gilad yesterday afternoon, which felt great. I slept better last night than I have in quite awhile. I’ve been lazy about the exercise lately (erm, for a long lately, actually), and I need that tired feeling to help me feel healthy and strong and sleeping well.

2. Get a massage. Ted is an awesome husband, and called and set up a massage for me this evening at the wonderful spa down the street. That’s going to feel GREAT.

3. Get back into yoga. I used to have a yoga class that I loved, with a great yoga instructor, but for several bad reasons that seemed good at the time, I stopped going. I joined an online yoga studio with my same instructor, but it’s money wasted, because I think I’ve bothered to use it only 3 or 4 times in the entire 3 months I’ve had it. The class I used to take and love is in the evenings, though, and with Ted on the afternoon shift, I can’t go and leave Maya alone every week like that, so I emailed the teacher to ask her if Maya can sign up as well. That would be excellent, and I suspect she’ll say yes. (Update: She did say yes! We’ll start this coming Thursday.)

4. Talk to someone. Many friends and family members have told me that finding someone objective and uninvolved with whom to talk can be a great way to deal with excess stress. Our insurance pays for it. So I have my first appointment with a therapist this coming Tuesday. I don’t think it will be a long term process, but I am hoping that she can help me deal with whatever is making me tear up the sheets.

To tell you the truth, I feel better already. Between talking to mom and hearing her sound so much more normal (whew!), my exercise yesterday afternoon, and talking to mom’s doctor and feeling more confident about her recovery, I’m feeling a lot less ‘about to snap’ than I did two days ago. Wish me luck with the massage, the yoga, and the therapy.

(sorry, my food photography skills are sorely lacking, so there’s no artsy aspect to this photo)

The other day, Michelle at Scribbit had two chocolate cookie recipes on her blog, and invited folks to try them both and vote between them. I’m not a huge cookie fan, so I passed. But curiosity got the best of me, and I went back to see which cookies were winning. It was close. And then, in the comments, I found a recipe that was just different enough that it made me want to try it myself. What was intriguing? Well, instead of cocoa powder, the recipe called for chocolate pudding mix to make it chocolaty. “Hey,” I thought, “I like pudding!” So last night, Maya and I made some chocolate pudding cookies. Really, really easy, and really yummy, too!

The recipe came from Erin. Thanks, Erin!

Chocolate Pudding Cookies

Mix together:
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar

Add:
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla

Mix in:
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 small package chocolate instant pudding (you can use chocolate fudge instead; it makes it more rich)
12 oz chocolate chips

Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes

Michelle, I hope you’re not mad that I didn’t try one of yours…it was the pudding that made me do it!

Other than the stress related to my mom’s condition, this was a lovely weekend! Friday, Ted and his brother went out for a yummy dinner at Wente, while Maya and I had a nice evening doing some last minute birthday shopping and making plans for the birthday boy.

Saturday, Ted’s parents invited everyone to their house, and we had a birthday BBQ for Ted. His mom is smart, and the majority of family functions are ‘pot luck’, meaning we all bring something, and no one has to cook or pay for everything. We feasted on pork ribs, lamb ribs, chicken, corn on the cob, fruit salad, the best potato salad ever, artichoke dip, and bruschetta. No wonder some of us didn’t have any room left for cake! It was a relaxing, lovely day, with perfect weather.

Sunday, of course, I ran up to visit my mom and get her moved from the hospital. While I was gone, Ted and Maya went to see Iron Man, which they said was really good. After a few delays at the hospital, I was able to cut out and get home in time to see RUSH with Ted and Maya. That was FUN! And I’ll tell you, I needed a little fun right then. I’m a Rush fan, in that I really like some of their songs, but I’m not a fan like Ted and Maya are. They LURVE Rush. Anyway, the first half of the concert was so-so to me. That being mainly because I’m a casual fan, and didn’t know a lot of the songs. The guy in front of me was probably 6′1″, and had lovely flowing curly locks of hair, which is good, since that’s most of what I could see. But I twisted around a bit, peeked between him and his buddy, and was able to see more.

The second half, though, they ROCKED! They played a lot more songs that I was familiar with, and gosh, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen another rock group work so hard for their audience, and I’m happy to say, the audience responded. What a happy group of people. And by people, I mean white men. Well, at least 3/4 of the people were men, and I would say 7/8 were white. So yeah, lots of white men. Geeks and rockers, mostly.

I’ve never seen Rush live before, though Ted has, plenty of times. I’ve seen them on videos, but live was WAY better. There was one song, I have no idea which one, where the drummer, Neal Peart, had a really long drum solo, and it was AMAZING. Just the difference between seeing him beat those drums on the monitor, vs. looking and seeing his arms totally blurring they were moving so fast. I was amazed, and I had a LOT of fun. Ted and Maya did as well, even more so because they took Monday off from work/school to recuperate from the late night. I couldn’t, because of time I’ve already taken with the whole mom thing. But I did sleep in. One of the benefits of working from home!

Hope your weekend was all of the good, with none of the bad. And if you get a chance to see Rush in concert, I’m going to go out on a limb and say, go for it! And if you’re a fan, or want to see if you MIGHT be a fan, go check out Popdose, where Py has a Rush-centric Mix Six today!

(photo via wiccked’s flickr photostream)

I spent much of yesterday in Carmichael, CA, up near Sacramento, getting mom discharged from the hospital, and admitted into another extended care facility. The doctor said she is much better, physically, but he diagnosed her with major depression. I wouldn’t disagree with that diagnosis, as it would explain a lot in the way of her not eating and not wanting to get up and move around. Also, she had realized before her surgery that she had been suffering from some depression, which I’m sure the trauma of surgery and the life altering changes she has experienced since then have only made worse.

The doctor in the hospital tried her on Prozac, which is in the same family as Paxil, which she had a bad reaction to in Alaska. Again, the bad reaction. I requested that she be taken off of that medication, and they are going to try her on something in another family of anti-depressants, and we’ll have to hope that something works this time. In addition, she’ll be getting some therapy to help her deal with her loss, and more physical and occupational therapy. She needs to be able to care for herself to a greater degree before she can go live with Kate, or with anyone else for that matter. It’s too much for someone who isn’t professionally trained to take on, in my opinion.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. My mom went into this heart situation with a lot of health problems, not just one or two. They have all compounded into making her feel like crap a lot of the time, though it’s not something she has ever talked much about. But she’s had trouble sleeping on and off for years, has had back pain for years, has developed diabetes and so on and so forth. All of this has taken its toll on her organs and her overall well being. So I don’t know why I was so hopeful that she would recover quickly and be feeling better by now, 2 months after her surgery, and completely healed withing just a few more months. Now I’m thinking, it’s going to be a long, hard slog, one in which her family and friends can be her advocates, but she will have to do the majority of the heavy lifting, as they say.

The first hurdle is to get her past the depression, so she’s more able to focus on the work ahead of her. I wish there were a quicker solution, but there just isn’t. She didn’t get this sick in one day, and she won’t get well that quickly either. I guess that’s something to keep in mind if we get frustrated by a slow recovery.

Today is Ted’s birthday, and I hope it’s a wonderful day, and a wonderful weekend. He’s starting the celebrations with dinner, Friday, with his brother Steve. Then on Saturday, a bbq party with the rest of the family, including his mom’s famous potato salad, and yummy cake (white cake with fresh strawberries in the middle, and whipped cream frosting. Yum). Sunday is a RUSH concert, which he sees whenever they come around, but the fact that they’re here for his birthday ROCKS. So it should be a lovely birthday, and I hope he has a LOT of fun. Happy Birthday, Honey!

Love,

p.s. Yay to Guam, who is voting today in U.S. primaries. One benefit to the Democratic contest going on FOREVER like this, is that places like Guam, Indiana, etc., are able to vote and feel like their voice matters. You know, unless they’re Republicans.

Warning: This review contains spoilers.

We’ve all heard the expression that when someone dies, their life flashes before their eyes, right? I’ve always assumed that that meant the life lived up until now, that I would see the life I had lived up until that point, that I would see me as a child, me with my mom and my brother, me meeting my dad, falling in love with Ted, falling in love with Maya, and maybe some memorable times besides. But what if, instead of looking back, your last moments were spent looking forward?

This, I believe, is the premise of the new film, The Life Before Her Eyes, starring Uma Thurman and Evan Rachel Wood as the same character, separated by 15 years of a life lived. The essential question becomes, is it a life well lived, and should she pay the terrible price required in living it?

The story, based on the novel by Laura Kasiscke, begins with a horrific school massacre, the type which has become all too common in the news as of late. A disturbed and bullied boy brings a gun to school, shoots and kills many, terrorizes the rest, and finally commits suicide. Diana and Maureen are two young girls, who were in the bathroom at the time of the massacre, rather than in Science class where they belonged. But they are not spared the horrors of the day. The film jumps back and forth, between the massacre and the ‘present’. Each time we visit the day of the massacre, we see a bit more of what transpired that day, as well as more hints of the strengths and weaknesses of the friendship between Diana and Maureen. In the more ‘present day’ (I put it in quotes because although Diana is older, the world around her doesn’t seem to have changed much), Diana is married to a wonderful, loving professor husband, and the mother to a troubled, precocious daughter. As the 15 year anniversary of the massacre approaches, Diana has more and more trouble sleeping, waking, and functioning in the real world.

The end of the film, and I’ve heard of the book as well, felt like the kind of contrivance taken by a lazy writer. Someone more interested in being clever than in writing a truly wonderful story. In that way, it reminded me of the book, My Sister’s Keeper, which left me feeling cheated out of what could have been an amazing experience.

Other than feeling kind of sucker punched by the ending, I really enjoyed this film. It was beautifully shot, and makes you remember the beauty and poignancy of those teen years, though of course few are lucky enough to go through those difficult years looking like Ms. Thurman and Ms. Wood, beautiful creatures both. I would go see it, and I would even pay matinée prices for it, but only if seeing movies in the theater and eating popcorn is part of the pleasure for you. Otherwise, wait for the DVD.

My regular readers know that my mom has had health issues as of late. She had a heart attack in February, which landed her in the hospital, where she received heart bypass surgery (otherwise known as a ‘cabbage’, I hear). She spent some time in assisted living, getting strong enough to care for herself, to the point where she can move to California, and stay with her friend, Kate, regaining her strength.

Well, she’s been doing ok, but not great. There was some misunderstanding between the cardiologist in Anchorage, and the doctor at the extended care facility, and she didn’t receive some of the heart medications she should have been receiving. Now, she’s in CA, and finally has some insurance issues straightened out, and is in the position to see a doctor. But wait, she hasn’t been able to stomach food for awhile now. She doesn’t eat, and the smell of food turns her stomach. She’s lost a lot of weight, and while that in itself might be OK, she’s losing it too fast, and she’s not getting any nutrition to give her the strength she needs to do physical therapy, etc.

Then, early Wednesday morning, she fell and hurt her back. Not horribly bad, not enough to go to the hospital, but badly enough that she’s very uncomfortable, and can’t get up, can’t go to the bathroom without help, can’t have a bath without professional assistance, etc. Poor Kate is, at this point, watching my mom decline, seeing her get weaker and weaker, trying anything she can to get her to eat so she’ll feel better SOON. Nothing works.

Then this morning, mom wakes up and is feeling queasy, queasy like she did when she had her heart attack. So Kate called the advice nurse, and they said to get her to the hospital.

So. Mom’s back in the hospital. They ran some tests, and she has congestive heart failure again. She may have pneumonia, they’re checking on that. They’re straightening out her medication issues, getting her started on physical therapy again, and trying to figure out what the problem is with her appetite and not eating. She’ll be there for a few days, perhaps longer. Then, since Kate isn’t able to give her the care she needs yet, nor am I, she will probably go to another assisted living facility for a short time. Then, hopefully, back to Kate’s house.

That’s how I spent my day on Thursday. At the hospital. That’s how mom and Kate spent Thursday, at the hospital. But Kate and I got to go home. Poor mom, she’s stuck.

(cross posted at Maya’s Granny.)

I read about the Herding Cats reading challenge over at Dewey’s blog, The Hidden Side of a Leaf, and I had to join up, because not only do I love to read, I also used to work for EDS, when the ad above aired. So I thought, yeah, I’m on board. Here are the rules.

1. List 10 books you have read and love. LOVE. OK, at least really really like.

2. Pick 3 books you haven’t read before from the ‘favorite books lists’ of other challenge participants. Don’t worry, they’ve put together a wonderful master list, making it much easier than going through list after list after list.

3. Read those 3 books, and review them on your blog. The time frame is May - November, 2008.

4. Of course, link to the main challenge blog.

Here, then, are 10 books I have read and LOVED. I’m going to go all out and not include Gone With The Wind or the Little House books, because I’ve mentioned them so many dang times before on this blog.

1. The Tale of One Bad Rat, by Bryan Talbot. I read this for my Graphic Novels challenge, and it amazed me. I had no idea that the graphic novel genre could reach into emotions and characters with such depth and skill. Highly recommended.
2. The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak. I read this book recently as well, and loved it. It’s a different book than any other WWII book I had read, and it made me think of things a bit differently than I had before.
3. The Mists of Avalon, by Marian Zimmer Bradley. I read this book in High School maybe, and gosh, what a book. I have to re-read it every few years, but it’s so huge that I’ll confess, I don’t always read it cover to cover every time. Sometimes I just go to my favorite parts. There are many. If you’ve not heard of it, it’s a telling of the Arthurian legend from the points of view of the women involved. I’ve tried some of the sequels and prequels, and wasn’t able to get into them.
4. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, by Milan Kundera. I read this book in college, after seeing the movie. I liked the film, but I liked the book a lot more. It’s an amazing tale, amazingly told. I kind of feel like everyone should read this book at least once, though I know that’s a mighty pretentious thing to say, and I couldn’t even explain why. Just because.
5. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, by Carson McCullers. I can’t believe Ms. McCullers wrote this book at the age of 21. It is the story of four characters, all through the eyes of a fifth. The characters are bitterly lonely, and are coping with that loneliness in whatever ways they can find. Drink, sex, violence. My favorite character was the hard-edged girl, Mick, whose search for beauty is disarming, and hopefully, unfailing.
6. The Bean Trees, by Barbara Kingsolver. I loved this book so much, I wrote Ms. Kingsolver a fan letter. I had never done that before, and have never done so since, but this book, and its follow up, Pigs in Heaven, moved me in a very profound way. Didn’t hurt that I had a child about the same age as Turtle at the time. I also loved Animal Dreams, though some of her recent books have come across to me as too preachy, and I couldn’t get into them, even though I agreed with the message she was preaching.
7. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. This was a devastating, heartbreaking read. But worth every devastating, heartbreaking minute.
8. Cloud Atlas, by David Mitchell. It took me awhile to get into this book. The first chapter wasn’t my cup of tea, but each subsequent chapter became more and more my cup-ish. Loved it.
9. The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant. The story of Dinah, one of the daughters of Jacob, from the Old Testament. I loved this telling of the story, fleshed out from just a few phrases in the actual text. Very well told, one of those books that I liked so much, I gave it to several people as a gift. I suspect it would mean more if I had read the Bible, and knew the background. I did go look at those few phrases in my Bible, but I think to a scholar, they would get even more. But without that, I still got a lot from this book.
10. Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury. I read this book as a child, and wow, did I love it. Creepy and crawly and full of good friends, good scares, betrayal and redemption. LOVED it. HATED the movie version. HATED IT.

Next, here are the three books I am going to read for this challenge.

1. The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin. I chose this book because one of my favorite bloggers, Wendy, suggested it long ago, and said how much she loved it when she read it. I then bought the book for Maya, but she hasn’t read it yet. So I’ll give it a shot. Thanks, Wendy, though you’ll probably never know since you gave up blogging last year. Sigh. This book came from Owlmoose’s list.
2. Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Adichie. I’m already reading this book for my Man Booker Challenge. I try not to read the same books for too many challenges, because even though that’s not cheating, it kind of feels like cheating to me. I want the challenges to challenge me to read books I might not have otherwise picked up. But I’m making an exception here, because I really want to read this book. I read Half of a Yellow Sun last year, and LOVED it. This book came from Dewey’s list.
3. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. I’ve not heard of this book, and I suspect that by picking it, I’m more closely following the spirit of the challenge, because I’m learning about a book from those who recommend it highly. This one had four people suggesting it, which was part of how I selected it. Look for one that lots of people liked. I grabbed it from Amateur de Livre’s list.

Dear Weekly Geeks,

I’m officially one of you now!  In case you don’t know, my bloggy friend Dewey is having a challenge where she gives a theme, and everyone participating either discusses it (where? probably in her comments, I’m not sure on that one), or posts on their own blogs about it. Sounded like it might be fun blog fodder, so I joined in. I’m starting to think that I’m a sucker for challenges, and that you all might have known that for awhile now. The theme this first week of the challenge is getting to know the other participants. We’re supposed to go visit 5 other participants, comment on their blogs, and then write about them. So, I did!

Dewey’s blog is a reading blog, so it wasn’t surprising to me to discover that most of the folks participating have reading blogs, too. Here are the five I went and commented on, though I peeked at about 3 times as many:

First the Food. How can you not go peek at a blog with a title like that? And, I got a yummy looking recipe for a pasta dish I’ll have to be trying soon.

Incitefulmama Hey, another blogger who will fess up to liking Panic at the Disco! Yay!

Stuff as Dreams are Made On. Mostly a reading blog, though there’s a bit of other stuff as well. She’s currently reading the Narnia books. LOVE those.

The Armenian Odar Reads. Another reading blog. Her reviews are full of heart and thought and make me want to go check out the books she’s talking about. I may be doomed.

The Literate Kitten. Looks to be more than a book blog, but also a random kind of “this is what I’m thinking” blog that happens to include lots of books. Which as you know, me likey.

So, those are the 5 friends I found today, snooping around the internets within this challenge. Go check them out!

Thanks fellow Weekly Geeks, and thanks as well to Eden at NaBloPoMo, for the challenge theme of “Letters” for April.  It’s been a gas.

Love,

~J

*Weekly Geek Graphic borrowed from the Weekly Geek Show.

Dear Idiots,

Did you ever hear the expression, “If it seems to good to be true, it probably is?” Well, all you have to do is look at Wesley Snipes to know that’s true. He decided to throw his lot in with the folks that say that the IRS has no right to tax us, and that Income Taxes are illegal and unenforceable, and where did that get him? In big trouble. I’ll admit, I’ve been intrigued to know if anyone was ever dumb enough to go for these schemes…I mean, don’t you think that if there were an easy, LEGAL way to get out of paying taxes, we would have all jumped on that band wagon LONG ago? And gosh, I’m tired of hearing how if you’re famous, the law sticks it to you so much worse than for the rest of us. Ala’ Paris Hilton, Winona Ryder, and Nichole Ritchie. OK, if they’re looking to make an example of Hollywood types, then damn it, keep your nose clean!

The court heard yesterday that Snipes dodged $15 million in tax through a campaign in which he concealed millions offshore, falsely applied for tax refunds and bombarded the Internal Revenue Service with frivolous correspondence that threatened government employees, railed about extortion and used twisted legal interpretations to back his claim that taxation was unlawful.

It makes me think that if he hadn’t gotten all rich and famous, he’d be a sucker for those Nigerian scams.

Speaking of which, I received a Nigerian scam email the other day that tried a new angle. You, idiots, might want to pay attention, because you might otherwise fall for this one. This person wasn’t satisfied with plying me with greed, instead, they plied my better nature. First off, they tried to play the religious angle, saying they were a ‘Christian’ (a term I use loosely, because none of the Christians I know in person try to scam people out of their money), and they were looking for another like minded ‘Christian’ to send their inheritance to. See, this woman was living in Nigeria, and had inherited a LARGE sum of money from her husband, but had only recently discovered that she was dying from an incurable illness. She is looking for another devoted Christian (I only stress this because the spammer did) to help her to help the needy…orphans, widows, and the poor. So please contact me with your bank account info, and I’ll transfer a couple of million dollars to you, which you PROMISE you’ll use for these purposes, right?

Do you, idiots to whom this letter is written, see the similarity? That’s right, if it seems to good to be true, it probably is. If someone offers to dump a ton of money in your lap, even if it is to do good deeds, or if someone claims they can get you out of onerous tax debts, they’re lying. Follow the law, and you’ll stay out of jail, and keep your money in your checking account.

Sincerely,

~J

Py actually posted on a similar topic today, regarding easy money and its victims, and living in a house of cards, over at Popdose. Check it out.

This is a rerun of a post that I originally posted on May 10, 2006.  It seemed a good post to rerun during this month of letters.

Warning…this post contains SWEARING
I lived in Fairbanks, Alaska, from the age of 4 until I was 9. It was the early 70’s, and it was much more a frontier society than we have down in the lower 48. I haven’t been back since, so I can’t speak to the modern sensibilities, but I digress.

In Fairbanks, at that time, everyone swore. I mean, EVERYONE. At one point, we lived next door to a church, and it wasn’t unusual to hear people come out and say, “Jesus Christ, it’s 45 Mother-Fucking Degrees Below Zero out here!” Needless to say, my brother and I grew up with what is politely known as ‘potty mouths’. This was a problem when we moved to Stockton, CA, in 1975….people in CA simply did not swear with the same degree of abandon as Alaskans did…at least not the 10 year olds.

So, one day, a boy at school was pestering the heck out of my brother, and my brother said something akin to, “Leave me alone, Fucker”. The boy said, “Uuuummmmmm, YOU SAID THE ‘F’ WORD!!!”, to which my honestly confused brother replied, “What the Fuck’s the ‘F’ word?”

The principal soon found out about this, and had to make a call to my mother at her office.

Principal: “Mrs. Ward? This is Principal X at JFK Elementary. We have to talk.”
Mom: “What seems to be the problem, Principal X?”
Principal: “Well, today on the playground, Richard said the ‘F’ word.”
Mom, honestly confused: “What the Fuck’s the ‘F’ word?”

Dear god,
Hope you got the letter,
And I pray you can make it better down here.
I don’t mean a big reduction in the price of beer,
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet,
cause they don’t get enough to eat

From god,
I can’t believe in you.

Dear god,
Sorry to disturb you,
But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears,
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street,
‘Cause they cant make opinions meet,
About god,
I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear god,
Don’t know if you noticed,
But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book.
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true.
Well I know it ain’t and so do you,
Dear god,
I can’t believe in,
I don’t believe in,

I won’t believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You’re always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And it’s the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebody’s unholy hoax,
And if you’re up there you’ll perceive,
That my heart’s here upon my sleeve.
If theres one thing I don’t believe in…

Its you,
Dear god.