Thirteen Movie Previews I Have Recently Seen

Maya and I went to see the new Shrek movie last Friday. My review? Yawn. I would have preferred to be at home watching a DVD of 90210 or something. Which just goes to show that everyone has their own source of stupid. Really, I’m tired of kids films. I’m glad Maya is 11, and is outgrowing most of this genre. For the most part, they’re simplistic and cloying, or sassy and full of gross-out humor. I’m tired of it, and kinda prefer films with actual dialoge and a plot. Call me crazy. While waiting for the film to start we saw 8, count them, 8 movie previews. Wow. There were a couple in there I might want to see, but for the most part? Serious yawn time.

1. Bratz. “Live-action adventure based on the popular line of dolls.” Even though the preview showed them rejecting those same tried and true clicques that we’ve seen over and over in teen films, coming together to form their own group, the Bratz, this still looks stupid enough to suck out the brains of anyone even WALKING past the theater. I lost prescious brain cells during the preview.
2. Transformers. “Dueling alien races, the Autobots and the Decepticons, bring their battle to Earth, leaving the future of humankind hanging in the balance. ” That’s two movies based on toys coming soon. WTF? Great CGI, not much else, from the looks of it.
3. The Simpsons Movie. Of all the kid flicks, this is the one I’m most likely to actually shell out some money for. Why? Because this TV show has been on for EVER, and still remains fresh and funny.
4. Surf’s Up. “A behind-the-scenes look at the annual Penguin World Surfing Championship, and its newest participant, up-and-comer Cody Maverick”. Know what? I’m sick of computer animation. I’m sick of clever twerps with witty lines. I’m sick of double entenres that are going to get kids in trouble if they repeat them on the school yard. (aka, one penguin calling another ‘pecker face’ or ‘pecker head’. Some kid who hasn’t heard that term yet is going to use it, and get in big trouble. Nice.) Even though some movies in this genre, and TV shows as well, are well written and clever, I could honestly go the rest of my life without seeing one.more.of.them. Yes, that goes for Toy Story and it’s ilk, too, because they started it.
5. Ratatouille. “A young rat living within the walls of a famous Paris bistro wishes to become a chef, but is hindered by his family’s skepticism and the rat-despising staff and patrons.” This one might be cute…it kind of reminded me in some way of Anatole, the cheese making mouse in the childrens books. But then again, too many poop jokes, and yet more computer animation. I’ll read the Anatole books, and skip this movie.
6. Bee Movie. “Barry B. Benson, a bee who has just graduated from college, is disillusioned at his lone career choice: making honey. On a special trip outside the hive, Barry’s life is saved by Vanessa, a florist in New York City. As their relationship blossoms, he discovers humans actually eat honey, and subsequently decides to sue us. ” Good god, will the CGI ever end? This one lends the voice of Jerry Seinfeld to the world of animation. Yawn. Not interested.
7. Hot Rod. “Self-proclaimed stuntman Rod Kimble is preparing for the jump of his life. Rod plans to clear fifteen buses in an attempt to raise money for his abusive stepfather Frank’s life-saving heart operation. He’ll land the jump, get Frank better, and then fight him, hard.” I could almost see this film just because it’s not CGI. But then again, it looks truly, really, very very lame, so again, I’ll stay home. Maybe I’ll read a book or something.
8. Nancy Drew. “Teen detective Nancy Drew accompanies her father on a business trip to Los Angeles, where she happens upon clues to a murder mystery involving a movie star. ” I never read the books, but if the reviews were REALLY good, and Maya REALLY wanted to see it, and I didn’t eat lunch first, so I had room for popcorn, I could be persuaded to see this one. Looked like it could go either way on the sucky/non-sucky meter.

On Monday, since we were childless, Ted and I decided to go see a movie I’ve been wanting to see, The Waitress. My review? 1 thumb up. It wasn’t the best film ever ever ever, but it definately had these sweet moments, and the characters were pretty interesting. I knew the end was coming a mile and a half away, but I wanted to see it anyway. Since this is a little indie pick, not only did we see fewer previews than at the opening night of Shrek, but they were definately of the artsy-fartsy type. Hey, I like artsy-fartsy sometimes! There were only 3 previews:

1. Paris, je t’aime. This looks to be a film of short love affairs with the City of Lights. As you know, I love Paris, so will I see this one? Peu-etre. S’il neige. (Perhaps. Probably.)
2. Vitus. A German film about a child prodigy, whose parents want him to become a concert pianist. I guess I should want to see it, I’m not sure why. But I’m not terribly interested in seeing him broaden his horizons and see his parents learn that a more well-rounded life would be better for him. His grandpa does take him flying though, so maybe that’ll be cool for him. I won’t find out, ’cause I’m not going to see it.
3. The Savages. “A sister and brother face the realities of familial responsibility as they begin to care for their ailing father. ” Looks like they put him in an old folks home to me. Pat, if you’re reading this, the elderly father in the film has your same last name. Any relation?

OK, so this is a Thursday 13, and we have the 8 flicks I saw at Shrek, and 3 from The Waitress…which leaves me 2 short. So I’ll pull out 2 previews we saw when we went to see Spiderman 3 awhile ago.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean. These movies are SO popular, and I’m sure they’re really really good, but I haven’t seen any of them yet. I have trouble getting past the idea that they’re based on a ride from Disneyland. Then again, if they’re good and well done, who cares where the idea came from? Maybe we should Netflix them and see what all the fuss is about?
2. Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer. “The Fantastic Four learn that they aren’t the only super-powered beings in the universe when they square off against the powerful Silver Surfer and the planet-eating Galactus.” HUGE yawn. Not even close to interested.

So that’s it, my fragmented, “who cares about movie previews anyway?” Thursday Thirteen. And I couldn’t even get the numbers to go sequentially, because of my blathering in between. Sorry for boring the crap out of you. 😉