Mom
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Two Weeks
It’s been two weeks now since my mom died. Two weeks. It’s hard for me to believe sometimes. Everyone wants to know how I’m doing, everyone wants to help me get through this. Which I appreciate. I want to get through this, too. Two weeks ago, I felt hollow, I sobbed rather than cried, and I wasn’t sure that having Maya had been a good idea, since someday, when I die, she would have to go through this horrible pain. To quote a quote within The Year of Magical Thinking, that immediate grief feels like “sensations of somatic distress occurring in waves lasting from twenty minutes to an hour at…
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Reading in Grief
V-Grrrl mentioned in her comment that when her parents died (within 6 weeks of each other! God, Dad, be careful!), she had to put all photos of them away, couldn’t drive past their house, couldn’t bear to be reminded. Not that doing these things helped her to forget, I don’t think anything could do that…but she was too raw to cope otherwise. Which made me think of the different ways that people grieve. My uncle made me a lovely collage of photos of my mom, and I find comfort in looking at it. None of the pictures are of her when she was sick, they’re all of her in her…
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In the afterlife…
Do you think there’s food? I mean, with no body, no hunger, no need for nutrition, there wouldn’t be a need for food, right? And yet good food is such a wonderful part of life as we know it. Hmmm. I was thinking about my mom, and how much it sucked that she had lost her appetite and her enjoyment of food after her surgery, because one of the things she was so looking forward to in coming to California is the wonderful produce. And when I brought it to her, she ate a little bit, but she didn’t enjoy it like she used to. She even gave some of…
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Mom’s obit
Joycelyn Ward April 23, 1942 – June 15, 2008 We mourn the loss of Lilith Joycelyn Ward. She leaves behind her daughter, Julie, her son, Richard, her brother, Forrest, her sister Lori, her mother, Virginia, her Aunt Florence, and her many nieces and nephews, and their children. And of course, she was Maya’s Granny. Joycelyn was born in Oakland, CA, and moved a great deal in her lifetime. She lived in California for much of her life, most recently in Sacramento and Citrus Heights, but also spent many years in Stockton and Berkeley. She lived in Juneau, Alaska from 1993 until February of this year. She devoted much of her…
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I had a dream
Art by my brother, Richard Ward. I had a dream the other night. We decided to take my mom off of all of her meds, not just her antidepressants, and she got out of bed and was walking, walking like I haven’t seen her walk in about 25 years. Fast and with a spring in her step. She looked much younger, too…perhaps about 40 years old. She had her hair in two long red braids, and was wearing a tie-dye dress and looked so happy. Carefree and healthy and in her prime. Then I woke up, and for the briefest second, I was truly happy for her. Then it hit…
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Year of the
RatTurdWoke up 3 times last night. Twice by small earthquakes, then a phone call that said mom fell last night on the way back to bed from the bathroom, and hurt her neck. They’re sending her back to the hospital. Sigh. (And another grumpy thought…I haven’t even spoken to a single woman who could bring herself to vote for Hillary (besides a few family members) so what’s this stupid talk about Obama needs to heal rift with women? Idiot press. Most people I’ve talked to say, they’re so similar on the issues, they would vote either way. And then the campaign turned a lot of people off to her. So…
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I’m ready to complain now…
(unenviable job picture found here) I must say, I am not enjoying 2008 thus far. Can it end now, rather than waiting until December 31st? Please? (BlackBeltMama noted on her blog that Spring is over in just a few weeks…so let’s just start with Summer for the turnaround, k?) Why the complaining, you may ask? Am I really that crabby about my stupid stove and dishwasher? No. This has been a hard year thus far on our family, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better as of yet. Perhaps the Sickmas we spent in Portland was a portend of things to come. So. I’ll fill you in. First,…
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Apparently, I’m Stressed
Seems like these last few months are taking their toll on me, and my mom’s latest setback has thrown my stress into full gear. She had a horrid reaction to the Prozac (duh), in that it made her paranoid. She thought she had been kidnapped, and that people were trying to kill her. That wouldn’t be horridly stressful, since I’ve seen this before (far too recently, with the Paxil), and I know the answer is to change the meds. Except that gosh, she hasn’t eaten more than a few bites of anything in a few months, and she isn’t motivated to get up and move like she needs to. Her…
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One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
(photo via wiccked’s flickr photostream) I spent much of yesterday in Carmichael, CA, up near Sacramento, getting mom discharged from the hospital, and admitted into another extended care facility. The doctor said she is much better, physically, but he diagnosed her with major depression. I wouldn’t disagree with that diagnosis, as it would explain a lot in the way of her not eating and not wanting to get up and move around. Also, she had realized before her surgery that she had been suffering from some depression, which I’m sure the trauma of surgery and the life altering changes she has experienced since then have only made worse. The doctor…
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Ugh.
My regular readers know that my mom has had health issues as of late. She had a heart attack in February, which landed her in the hospital, where she received heart bypass surgery (otherwise known as a ‘cabbage’, I hear). She spent some time in assisted living, getting strong enough to care for herself, to the point where she can move to California, and stay with her friend, Kate, regaining her strength. Well, she’s been doing ok, but not great. There was some misunderstanding between the cardiologist in Anchorage, and the doctor at the extended care facility, and she didn’t receive some of the heart medications she should have been…
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Welcome Back to California, Mom, and Happy Birthday!
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Perhaps it’s time for an update?
There’s an update on my mom, here. 🙂
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Good News Update
On Mom, found here. On Steve, yesterday he had a pin put in to hold his collar bone so it will grow straight and strong, and the surgery went well, and he’s doing much better already. Yay! Now for world peace and a cure for cancer…
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Maya’s Granny Update
One of mom’s bloggy friends requested an update, which reminded me that I’ve been remiss in my duties. Pretending that all is normal with books and movies and recipes, when in reality life has been mighty stressful as of late. If you’re so inclined, there’s an update here. Oh, and Maya finally got her ‘phase 2‘ braces today. Ouch. I treated her with a book from the bookstore, and a donut from Safeway. Plus Advil. Poor kid. Oh again, Ted’s brother is doing much better after his bicycle accident, but needs to have a pin inserted to keep his collar bone aligned so it will heal correctly. He’s pretty upbeat…
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Feeling kinda weird about this one…
But if you’re in a position where it doesn’t hurt your wallet, and if you’re at all inclined, we’ve set up a fund to help pay for Maya’s Granny to move from Juneau to California. My brother Richard is taking this on, and it’s a chunk o’ change, let me tell you. Change he doesn’t have, except on a credit line. So, if you’re interested in making any kind of contribution, run on over to this post, where there is a link to Richard’s paypal account. And if you don’t have paypal, and want to help out with a check, you can email me and I’ll send you a snail…