Dogs (mostly)
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A is for Acceptance
Let us not look for you only in memory,Where we would grow lonely without you.You would want us to find you in presence,Beside us when beauty brightens,When kindness glowsAnd music echoes eternal tones. On the Death of the Beloved ~ John O’Donohue Acceptance is supposed to be the final stage of grief, though of course the stages aren’t really linear, they are more chaotic, and you don’t really know what is coming next. Perhaps denial. Perhaps bargaining. Certainly tears. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what has happened. You aren’t glad to have lost your parents, your sibling, your friend, or your sweet dog. You don’t want to have the disappointment…
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5 Things Friday
5 Things I’m thinking about lately, in no particular order.
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Babysitting Theo
This is Theo, a Keeshond that we babysat over the weekend. He is a foster dog at the rescue where we got both Mulder and Genevieve, Bay Area Keeshonden Rescue (BARK). His foster dad was going out of town for the weekend, and the rescue knew how much we have been missing Mulder, so they asked if we might want to babysit Theo. Theo is 18 months old, and has moved a few times. He came to Northern California from New York, and apparently his most recent family had two other dogs that didn’t adjust to him, so they had to give him up. He’s a very sweet boy, though…
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Land Mines
This morning I woke up from a disturbing dream. I was sitting at an outdoor cafe, and my friend Katie, along with some family and friends, walked past on the sidewalk, pretending that they didn’t know me. I caught up with them, and asked one of the friends what was wrong, why was Katie mad at me? “Because you didn’t bring a gift to her funeral.” Oh. Rats. I should have done that. Wait, I DID bring a gift…I brought a framed photo of Katie and Janet and me. Perhaps my card with the gift had gone missing. I was so sad to have Katie mad at me. Later, her…
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Friday Thoughts
I saw this sad little vase of flowers on my sad lonely walk the other morning, and it felt right to me. I feel flat and sad without Mulder. It’s been two weeks now since he died. I know that we did the right thing, but gosh, it still hurts. It is, however, getting a little less painful, a little easier. I no longer expect to see him when I come downstairs. I no longer think he will come put his chin on my knee and beg for dinner every day at 4:30, knowing that dinnertime isn’t for another 1/2 hour, but hoping against hope that I have forgotten how…
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Wordless Wednesday – Missing my Boy
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Mulder
Mulder Asregadoo April 6, 2015 – May 19, 2023 You all know that Mulder’s lymphoma came back in April, soon after his 8th birthday. He deteriorated pretty quickly, and on May 2nd, I took him to the vet to try to determine his situation. His spleen and many other lymphatic organs were very swollen. She said that if we gave him an injection of enzymes, it would help, perhaps for a month or more. So we went ahead with that. It did help. It was miraculous. He felt amazingly better within 15 hours, all of the inflammation went away, he was playful and happy again. It was fabulous. Unfortunately, only…
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Wordless Wednesday – Feeling Good
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Friday Randomness – Catching Up
First off, Happy (belated) Birthday to my wonderful husband, Ted! I shared this picture last year too, but I like it, so I’m sharing it again. His birthday was Wednesday, and he and Maya both took the day off from work. I worked, but knocked off a little early. Maya took Ted out for breakfast, and then they went bookstore shopping, which is something we all love doing. They came home and watched Dune, which they both enjoyed. Ted had seen it when it came out, but Maya hadn’t. I worked for the first hour, so I came in too late and didn’t really pay attention. We went out for…
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Changing the Subject (Mostly)
This is Ted looking cute at a local restaurant in our town. We went downtown last weekend and had a snack and some wine, then went to a bookstore. Some of my favorite things: Ted, food, wine, books. Excellent way to spend a Saturday afternoon on a beautiful day. This is one of the dishes we had. I did not take a picture, this is from the restaurant Facebook page. It’s asparagus, labneh, blood orange, arugula, and a ‘perfect egg’. The picture has spring greens, but ours was just arugula, which is fine by me, because I love arugula. When the menu said ‘perfect egg’, I assumed that was going…
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Discouraged
This is my beautiful boy, darling boy on our walk this morning (Friday). On Tuesday, both Maya and I separately found enlarged lymph nodes on Mulder’s neck. They have only grown since then. I fear this means that he is no longer in remission, and his lymphoma is back. Shit shit shit. We have an appointment with the vet on Monday, but I know what the answer will be. He had 5 months of chemotherapy, and at first all was well. But as time went on, it got harder and harder for him. He had probably 3 bad days every week, where he would walk around feeling like crap, throw…
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Catching Up
It looks like I took a little blog break there. I’m back today, and have a few minor tidbits to share. First off, this is the same beautiful magnolia/tulip tree that I shared with you a couple of weeks ago. It’s downtown, and likely the next time I walk around the area, it will be bare. We’re having rain again, after a very dry period, which is welcome, but I imagine will knock down most of these blooms. Saturday morning, Maya had an appointment to get her hair done. I dropped her off and then walked around our little downtown for awhile. I like to explore, and went down a…
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Next Door Neighbor
We came across a video of the top dogs from the 2022 Westminster Kennel Club Masters the other day, and just fell in love with this dog, whose name is ‘Bee’, but whom we call ‘Next Door Neighbor’. All Shetland Sheepdogs, in our mind, are named either ‘Mommy’ or ‘Next Door Neighbor’, which is a throwback to our sweet girl, Genevieve, who was half Sheltie, half Keeshond (which is Mulder’s breed). Anyway, if you need a smile, watch ‘Next Door Neighbor’ do her thing with SO MUCH ABSOLUTE JOY. I love her so much.
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Miscellaneous Monday
I don’t know what to write about today, so I’m going to just throw a bunch of stuff at you. Here goes. Regarding the meme above, this is how I felt when we were in France last year. The names of the towns we stayed in were pronounced completely differently than they looked to my American eyes. Mougins is pronounced ‘MOO-jan‘ with a soft j, short a, and a soft n. Click the link to hear. Vincennes is a little closer to how it looks, VA-sen, with a short A. One of the stops on our train ride between Paris and Vincennes is Nation, pronounced NA-si-on, with all short vowels.…
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Intention vs. Accountability
There are things that I intend to do, or not do, but then things fall apart when faced with reality, and I fail on my intention. I have an ongoing issue with my love for potato chips. I do not intend to eat them practically every day. I don’t keep them in the house, usually, because if they are here I will eat them. Especially if they are Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips, or sometimes, Doritos. So I start out my day just fine, but then I go to the grocery store on my lunch hour, and I get to the check out line, and there they are. Somehow, magically,…
