Friday Five ~ Sucky film version

This one started over on Facebook, where my friend Jeff mentioned being proud that he had never seen Ghost.  Which started a discussion of films we’re glad we never saw, which morphed into a discussion of films we wish we could unsee.  I like that idea, except for the brainwashing aspect that’s kind of there in the undercurrent…

So, here’s my list of 5 films I wish I could unsee.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZTYkmAcsvk[/youtube]

1.  Crash.  And by this, I mean the 1996 version that most people were smart enough to avoid.  I pink puffy heart James Spader, but he should have been smarter and skipped this one entirely. Blurbs are from imdb.

“Since a road accident left him with serious facial and bodily scarring, a former TV scientist has become obsessed by the marriage of motor-car technology with what he sees as the raw sexuality of car-crash victims. The scientist, along with a crash victim he has recently befriended, sets about performing a series of sexual acts in a variety of motor vehicles, either with other crash victims or with prostitutes whom they contort into the shape of trapped corpses. Ultimately, the scientist craves a suicidal union of blood, semen, and engine coolant, a union with which he becomes dangerously obsessed.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgsUUFYLSoQ[/youtube]

2.  Boxing Helena.  If you loved Julian Sands in A Room with a View, you may not want to see this film.  You’ll come to hate him.  Kim Basinger lost a lot of money for bailing on this film, but after seeing it, I think it shows her good sense.  Money well spent.

“A top surgeon is besotted with a beautiful woman who once ditched him. Unable to come to terms with life without her, he tries to convince her that they need each other. She has other ideas, but an horrific accident leaves her at his mercy. The plot is bizarre and perhaps sick at times, ending abruptly and with a twist.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmeNf5_YzLk[/youtube]

3. Cocktail.  Man, I just hated this movie.  HATE.  Tom Cruise at his worst ickyness.

“After leaving the Army, Brian Flanagan (Tom Cruise) tries to get a marketing job in New York. But without a college degree, this was not possible. He then decides to start studying for a business degree at the local City College and gets a part time job as a bartender. He realizes that its not that easy, but when his new boss Douglas Coughlin (Brian Brown) teaches him the secrets of the bar trade and they become the most famous bartenders in town. Both Brian & Doug Coughlin want their own top class cocktail bars someday and Brian’s Cocktail Bar is to be called ‘Cocktails & Dreams’, and in order to get the necessary money to open it, Brian travels to Jamaica to work as a bartender at a resort Tiki Bar, and the pay is good. There he meets Jordan Mooney (Elisabeth Shue), a young and pretty, up and coming American artist on vacation with her girlfriend from New York, staying at the Island resort. Jordan and Brian spend some quality time together and fall in love. But when Brian takes a dare from his old buddy, Doug Coughlin to sleep with an older woman, who is also staying at the resort. Jordan, herself the daughter of wealthy parents back in New York, leaves the Island overnight, after seeing Brian and the older woman together after closing… Will Jordan ever forgive Brian and will they get back together???”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwCA6tRl1hY[/youtube]

4.  Short Cuts.  This movie didn’t suck.  It was actually very well done.  I might even not regret watching it if I gave it another chance on the small screen.   But when I watched it in the theater, I had to go out into the lobby for a few minutes to catch my breath, because watching this film, I felt like I was drowning.  Such a heavy, dark feeling.  Ugh.

“While helicopters overhead spray against a Medfly infestation a group of Los Angeles lives intersect, some casually, some to more lasting effect. Whilst they go out to concerts and jazz clubs and even have their pools cleaned, they also lie, drink, and cheat. Death itself seems never to be far away, even on a fishing trip.”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1zcPEMw7AQ[/youtube]

5. Pokémon: The First Movie. Back in late ’99 or early 2000, Ted and I decided to join a health club. The club closest to us was Bally Total Fitness, which in our neighborhood is in the same strip mall as a movie theater. They gave us a gift for signing up, which was tickets to go see Pokémon: The First Movie. Never before had I felt so out of touch with a fad from the younger generation. Boy, did I feel old. We came out of the theater not knowing what the heck had been going on, and like I really wanted my 75 minutes back. Alas, 75 minutes spent watching this movie is 75 minutes you will regret on your deathbed.

“When a group of scientists are offered funding into genetic research if they agree to try and clone the greatest ever Pokémon, Mew, the end result is success and Mewtwo is born. However Mewtwo is bitter about his purpose in life and kills his masters. In order to become the greatest he throws open a challenge to the world to battle him and his Pokémon. Ash and his friends are one of the few groups of trainers who pass the first test and prepare for battle. However they soon find out about further cloning and Mew 2’s ultimate plan for the earth.”

So…if you could take it all back, what movies would you unsee?