Why I Heart This American Life…
You may or may not know that I like to download podcasts of a few of my favorite NPR programs, which I then listen to on my beloved iPod while walking Genevieve in the morning. I download three shows from NPR. The first is Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me, which makes the people walking past me think I’m insane, because I just start laughing out loud to myself, seemingly at nothing. The second is To The Best of Our Knowledge, which I’ll admit is last in my queue, and sometimes I get to it, and love it, and other times it falls by the wayside. The third show I download is This American Life, which is often poignant, sometimes sad, sometimes funny, sometimes all three at once. And then there are times when I’m just walking along, listening to David Sedaris talk about how his mother and sister got so involved in television crime dramas, that they took to trying to solve real life crimes in their town, when he comes up with this bit:
It was one thing to sit in front of the television, second-guessing a third-rate detective program, but quite another to solve a real case. We were well into our summer reruns when our household was shaken by a series of very real crimes no TV detective could ever hope to crack. Someone in our family had taken to wiping their ass on the bath towels.
What made this exceptionally disturbing was that all of our towels were fudge-colored. You’d be drying your hair when, too late, you noticed an unmistakable odor on your hands, head and face. If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that one might go from day to day without finding stool samples in their hair. This sudden turn of events tested our resolve to the core, leaving us to wonder who we were and where we, as a people, had gone wrong.
Soul-searching aside, it also called for plenty of hot water, gallons of shampoo, steel wool, industrial scrub brushes and blocks of harsh deodorizing soap. The criminal hit all three bathrooms, pausing just long enough to convince the rest of us that it was finally safe to let our guard down. I might spend twenty minutes carefully sniffing the towel only to discover that this time they’d used a washcloth.
“Well,” my mother said, thumbing through the newspaper one Sunday morning, “The person doing this is one sick individual. That much we know for certain.”
“And they eat corn!” Lisa said, patting her head with a t-shirt.*
I laughed so hard, I almost peed. I truly, truly love my iPod.
*This is in fact an excerpt from Sedaris’ book, Naked, which I am soooo glad he read on the radio for my enjoyment. If you want to listen to this installment of This American Life, click here. It’s act two, and starts at about 9:57 in, if you click the link to listen. Sedaris’ part is about 22 minutes long, and very funny. But the whole episode is well worth a listen…it’s called Detectives.
11 Comments
ML
That is absolutely hilarious!!! HAHAHA!!!
Py Korry
I loved this line: “If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that one might go from day to day without finding stool samples in their hair.” Gross…but very funny.:-)
Maya's Granny
That is priceless.
Jason
Glad to read your recommendation (and I love Sedaris, too). I have downloaded a few episodes but haven’t yet listened to them. However, I also listen to “Wait, Wait” every week and love it. I think Adam Felber and Paula Poundstone are especially hilarious.
Cherry
I read Naked many years ago and I had totally forgotten about the poo towels! Ha!
I also love This American Life, and if it wasn’t for J, I wouldn’t have known I could download it, or actually download most shows from NPR. Wealth of information that J is!
Now if only I could remember to download it every week, I wouldn’t miss a show.
Gina
Davis Sedaris cracks me up! There were some parts of “Me Talk Pretty One Day” that left me breathless with laughter.
hellomelissa
i had read “me talk pretty one day” right before i heard this podcast.
it was hilarious both times!
npr rocks.
Starshine
Thank you for a nice Saturday afternoon laugh!
verbivore
I listened to this same Podcast a few weeks ago while working in the garden and I must have looked quite the idiot to my neighbors as I laughed full on outloud. Sedaris is just wonderful. Naked might be my favorite of his – but Me Talk Pretty One Day is also wonderful.
MsMamma
Ooooooo! I love TAL, too. I’ve been listening to it for years. I haven’t seen it, but now they have this series on Showtime, I think.
One of the very best stories I heard was the one about a guy who wore a Superman costume on an airplane. Touching, weird , sad and delightful.
rtkalt
Saw David Sedaris at an appearance on Thursday night – he was fantastic (both his readings and his off the cuff remarks). He’s currently on “tour.” If you have a chance to see him, I highly recommend it. He mentioned he has a new book coming out next June.