What’s He Building In There?
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Without gossiping too much about our neighbors, let me just say that I was reminded recently that the identity that we show to the world is not always the identity that we show inside our homes. We recently found out that one of our neighbors has been leading a life that we merely had hints of, and the depths of which we had not imagined.
Thinking of this reminded me of a day last year…I was walking back to work, after walking Maya to school. I passed by a house with its alarm going off. I used to work for an alarm company, so I know that there are two types of alarms…those that summon the police, and those that merely make noise. There were no police cars around this house, so I thought that perhaps it was one that just made noise. So I thought, I should call the police. Of course, this was before I had come over to the dark side, so I didn’t have a cell phone. So, I picked a house where it looked like someone MIGHT be home, and I knocked on the door, hoping to either ask them to call the police, or to use their phone myself. A woman answered the door, in curlers, eating her breakfast. She was Hispanic, which I mention because she did not speak English. I assumed that I would have to go to another home. No, there was someone there who DID speak English, she said, and she led me into a back room. There was a woman in a nurse’s uniform, washing a VERY old woman’s hair. The woman who was having her hair washed was at least 90, in a wheelchair, and pretty much unaware of what was going on around her. But she had two women caring for her, so she was fine. The nurse, who was washing the woman’s hair, spoke English, and I told her about the alarm going off at the neighbor’s house, and asked if I should call the police, or if they could, since I was going to be late getting back to work. She said she would be happy to call, and off I went.
I never did find out what happened there…but it got me to thinking…seeing that old woman having her hair washed for some reason seemed like something out of a David Lynch film. How many homes out there, that we walk by every day, have these very different worlds going on inside them. It made me think of the time that I saw a woman trying to escape her abusive husband...How empty and angry and helpless that made me feel, and how it made me wonder about all of the doors on our street. While we’re inside our home, eating our dinner, laughing at a joke, having an argument, watching a movie, sleeping…what is happening behind the other doors on our street? I had always kind of assumed that everyone led fairly similar lives, that we all were having the same experiences…but really, some of us are not. Some folks are behind their doors, trying to present the world with a face of normalcy, all the while living in Hell.
(This song kind of reminds me of this feeling, somehow…it’s Tom Waits, “What’s He Building In There”. Strange.)
16 Comments
Ml
So true! You have absolutely no idea what’s going on in other people’s homes. I also take it for granted that they’re doing the same things I’m doing. I’m sure we’d be surprised. And isn’t it interesting that you love what you do in your home, but when you find out what others do in theirs, it’s kind of…weird??
Gina
Hubba-hubba’s job often takes him into other people’s houses. He has some stories, let me tell you.
samibear
Interesting case in point: The 9-11 hijackers were living in an ordinary neighborhood.
Pony Storm
Whooo boy! I’m going way out on a limb here and recommending a book which I’ve never read. I’m not even sure I have the correct author or corresponding title. But, as I recall from a review I read, it deals precisely with the subject of our not knowing what really goes on in the houses of our neighbors.
The author’s name: Robertson Davies (a Canadian). The title of the novel WHAT’S BRED IN THE BONE.
Anyway, the unknown goings-on behind closed walls is indeed endlessly fascinating.
Py Korry
I really thought this was going to be about our neighbor who was arrested on drunk driving, but had this “other,” less savory life, too. All of which we found out after the cops hauled her off.
J
Well Py, that’s what started it…but I didn’t want to gossip about a neighbor. But now our readers have a glimpse anyway. 😉 Whew.
Tracy
Wow. Very thoughtful post, and very true. I think much of humankind only lets the world see a part of the picture.
Maya's Granny
Remember the neighbor in Stockton who was beating his wife and child and we never even knew they were in there until the child was killed? And we were shocked that the guy went off and left his cat behind until the landlord told us about the rest of it. Some doors you really don’t want to have open.
Jess
I’ve been keeping a pretty close eye on our new neighbors for awhile, since they’ve had so many domestic disputes & other incidents…troubling. I also have very elderly neighbors on other sides of me, and I try to keep an eye on them, but you never do know what’s going on inside…
Great post, J.
Cherry
So many people would not have stopped to call the police. You really are very thoughtful.
I live in a complex with about 300 units. I only know 2 neighbors by name, and I talk to one other because he walks his dogs by our place. People here are more suspicious of other people, then friendly… another reason we want to move.
Lalunas
You have a wonderful heart
Andie D.
That artwork is intriguing.
I never kept up with my neighbors until we moved into our most recent home. Now I know most of the people on my block, and quite a few in the greater neighborhood.
Then again, I think I know them.
Melissa
You know I always think we have such normal neighbors…well except one family, but you really never know. Interesting post.
Jimmy
I’m always amazed at the drug addicts that come and go from the rental appartments across the street from my house.
Sometimes I think I live in crack-head alley. They make me wonder how in the hell I escaped the addictions of recreational drug use/experimentation as a teenager?
I have so many friends who have adult sons and daughters who are hooked on crack, heroine, etc. It boggles my mind.
Very thought provoking post.
I felt like I was in The Twilight Zone listening to Tom Waits!LOL
Kvetch
Our privilege and our punishment is that we get to share what we wish with whom we wish to share it.
I know first hand that what you say is true. So, so true.
Susan in Italy
Living in an apartment in Italy gives a little more insight as to how people really are in their homes since you can hear almost everything. In a sense, public and private are one.