What a Challenge

The beautiful C has tagged me for a challenge that I have been mulling over for a few weeks now…The Think Different Challenge. Here are the rules, cribbed from C’s post:

The Think Different Challenge is all about finding something in your life you currently have negative thoughts or feelings toward (eg work or your mother-in-law), and deciding to look at it differently. It is about realizing that some things are just a part of life, so we may as well try to find the positives in them.

The rules for this writing project are:

1. Write a new blog post in which you “think different”. Follow my suggestions above, or be a bit different and interpret the challenge the way you want .
2. State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge. Feel free to use the above banner (inspired, of course, by Seth Godin).
3. Include a link and/ or trackback to the blogger who tagged you.
4. At the end of your post, go ahead and tag some fellow bloggers. Don’t forget to email them to let them know they have been tagged.
5. That’s it! Just sit back and enjoy reading peoples’ responses to the challenge.

So…I’ve been thinking about this one quite a bit. What is there, in my life, that I would like to change my attitude about. Well, when we were driving to Monterey a few weeks ago, we were listening to NPR, and on Talk of the Nation, they had a discussion on the subject of forgiveness. They talked about how to forgive someone who has harmed you, or has slighted you, or has offended you in some way, is good for you. It can help to lower your blood pressure, your cholesterol, and make you an all around happier person. Oh.

OK, well, what about forgiving people, only to have them repeat their offenses? I only have four cheeks (ha!) so only so many I can turn before I’m black and blue all over. How do I learn the art of forgiveness, without becoming a sucker? The answer, I’m thinking, is in learning to let go of the anger. There is a lot of anger that we all hold on to, for whatever reasons, and we hold it close to our heart, where it doesn’t show, but where it does the most damage. What if I could find a way to let go of some of that anger, and yet, to not forget the slight, the offense, the harm? What if I could say, truly, deep down, I no longer hold any anger towards you, but I will not let you harm me again? Wouldn’t that be a valuable lesson? That, then, is my challenge.

And, here we go, why take a small bite, when I can try to cram the whole damn pie in my mouth? Hell, the whole bakery! I’m angry at George Bush and his cronies. I’m sick and tired of them shredding our constitution and our rights, of treating us like we’re idiots who don’t know that they sanction torture, that they live in the back pocket of special interests, and that they think we are merely chumps who sit around and pay the bills so they can get richer and richer? Like we don’t know that they have used September 11th and the war on terror to rob us of our civil liberties and our pride? That they have in so many ways made me ashamed of my country? How do I let go of the anger associated with that crap, without letting go of the power that it gives me? Because with anger and disgust comes power…power to be motivated to make a change, to stand up and be counted as against crimes committed against me. The power of anger is when you are attacked, and like Brenda in 90210 (or Donna!), you say, “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” as you bash the person in the nose and groin and wherever else. But anger held on to too long, allowed to fester and grow in your heart and your gut….that’s not healthy, and I suspect that it helps no one. Not the cause you champion, and certainly, not you.

Deep breath. So, how do I accomplish this? Somehow, I have to take on the mantra that I read the other day in the opening pages of Persepolis. “Forgive. But never forget.” By forgiving, you can let go of the pain and anger within you. But by remembering, you can work toward fixing whatever it is that caused you pain to begin with. Vote the fuckers out, in the case of Bush et al. In my everyday life, I can talk to people who have hurt me, instead of holding it in and trying to just forget and not let things bother me, because then they fester. Or, if they are someone who I truly have no desire to talk to about issues, that I don’t care about enough to work through things, then I can forgive them their wrongs, and decide to not deal with them any more than I have to. Or forgive someone one aspect of their personality that isn’t likely to change, and still find a way to embrace the aspects that make me want to have that person in my life. But if I can at least forgive, and let go of petty angers and frustrations, how much better would that be?

Rather than choosing people to tag, I would challenge anyone who reads this post to give it a bit of thought, and decide if there are areas in your life that you would like to think differently about. And if there are, then tag yourself. And let me know. 🙂