Suzanne Vega ~ Men in a War

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR2o54X61No[/youtube]
Funny how things change in life, right? This song isn’t even my favorite Suzanne Vega song, and before I lost my mom last year, it never would have made me think of her.

But now. Now, any time I hear it, it makes me think of that horrible adjustment period after she died. Of how confusing the world suddenly was around me. Of how, though I still had (have) so many things and people in my life that were (are) so very important to me, things would never be the same again, would never be right again.

I know how it is
When something is gone
A piece of your eyesight
Or maybe your vision

A corner of sense
Goes blank on the screen
A piece of the scan
Gets filled in by hand

You know that it was
And now it is not
So you just make due with
Whatever you’ve got

Men in a war
If they’ve lost a limb
Still feel that limb
As they did before

It’s been over a year now since my mom died. I don’t hurt as much any more. I don’t cry as often any more. I am very thankful for all of the wonderful gifts that I have in this world. My family. My friends. My health. A job. A house. So many things to be thankful for, so many people who have lost far more than I have. And in my heart of hearts, I must admit that while losing my mother was horrible, the worst thing I have ever gone through…losing Ted or Maya would have been even worse. I’m not sure how people recover from that. My grandma has, two husband and three children now, but I don’t know how she does it. So yes, I am thankful for my gifts.

But still, there’s that sense in my day to day life that something is gone. Something I will never stop missing.