Stupid Grammar Rules
English grammar is a tricky field to negotiate, with many little rules that can easily bug the hell out of you…I have my pet peeves, which would be rules that make sense to me, and people misuse them and abuse them and drive me crazy, but also, there are many rules that just make no logical sense whatsoever. I was thinking this would be a Thursday Thirteen, but I couldn’t think of enough stupid rules to make my list. So I turn the question over to my loyal readers…besides the five below, any really stupid grammar rules that you think need to be retired?
- Split Infinitives. I never even understood what a split infinitive WAS until I got to be in graduate school (I was an International Relations major in my undergrad…). In case you don’t know, an infinitive is a form of a verb. So, if the verb is “run”, the infinitive is “to run”, and you can split that infinitive by putting a word in between “to” and “run”. For example: “to quickly run” is a split infinitive. It’s a no-no. Stupid, huh? The reason is lame. In Latin, the infinitive is one word, not two, so it’s impossible to split it without mutilating the word, so someone decided that if you can’t split it in Latin, you can’t split it in English. Whatever.
- Prepositions at the end of a sentence. I’ll confess I notice this one when it comes up. (get it? up? HA!) I hear the preposition there, just hanging, and I want it to go elsewhere in the sentence. But that’s just another stupid rule, and it really makes no sense. Who cares if someone says, “She’s the person I identify with.” rather than “She’s the person with whom I identify.”? I don’t CARE, but still, my ear hears it because I’ve been trained that way.
- Here’s something that gets me, though, how some people deal with the awkward preposition by just omitting it completely. “She’s the person I identify.” What? In a line up? Is that an accepted way to deal with the problem, or should we just ignore it until it becomes antiquated and goes away? That’s my vote.
- What got me started on this whole thing was a comment on someone’s blog asking her to put the periods inside the quotation marks. That’s the most stupid rule I’ve ever heard, and it’s not even RIGHT. In pretty much every other English speaking country in the world, the punctuation goes wherever it logically SHOULD go, but in American English, it is supposed to go inside the quotation marks. Has something to do with early typeface printers, I believe. LAME.
- Passive voice. What the heck is wrong with the passive voice? I’ve never understood why this should make a difference at all, but I got called on it sometimes in college, and again with the stupid grammar check on my Word program.
OK, that’s it for me. Anyone else have anything to add?
18 Comments
Wendy
HAHA..I think I know where you saw #4…i am a grammar rebel – I hate to say it, but I go by what sounds right – i know that is wrong *and I was an English MAJOR!* but at this point in my life, and until I am published and people are picking my work apart via the NY Times Book Review, I am going to be lazy about it 😉 (it never hurts to dream, right?)
Kara
One the best grammar books ever written (in my humble estimation) is Woe Is I by Patricia O’Connor. As a teacher, it’s my go-to guide when I want to translate the grammar text book into plain English. She has a chapter entitled “The Living Dead: let bygone rules be gone” and she agrees with YOU. Sentence-ending prepositions, split infinitives, active voice, are all in there as are a more than a dozen rules that “aren’t”.
I liked it much more than Eats, Shoots, and Leaves because I found the tone of that book overly superior. O’Connor calls her book “the grammarphobe’s giude to better English in plain English” and it’s just that.
Love the new digs by the way!
Ml
English is such a screwed up language with all its rules and exceptions. If it’s this then use this. If it’s that then use that, but only if the planets are all aligned on September 23 at 23:23 hours, while the dog is out in the backyard taking a poop, and we’re inside eating cheetos without using our hands.
Black Belt Mama
The commenter regarding #4 on the other blog is wrong. I used to teach English. Punctuation doesn’t always go inside quotation marks. It depends on what is included in the quotation marks and what the subject of the sentence is all about. I found this:
Punctuation and Quotation Marks
In dialogue, or if there is no parenthetical reference after the quotation, place the period and the comma inside the quotation marks.
Examples:
She said, “I have bought fish for dinner.”
Margaret Atwood has been described as “Canada’s greatest writer.”
Described as “Canada’s greatest writer,” Margaret Atwood is often asked to deliver convocation addresses.
If you are following the quotation with a parenthetical reference, place the period at the end of your sentence, not at the end of the quotation.
Example: Margaret Atwood has been described as “Canada’s greatest writer” (98).
Place the question mark, the exclamation point and the dash inside the quotation marks only when they apply to the quoted material. Otherwise, place them outside the quotation marks.
Examples: Melissa asked, “Can we go now?”
Do you know the meaning of the word “concomitant”?
Even though I taught English, I’ve found that with blogging it’s much more important to use grammar to help you get across what you want to say. I can’t believe someone would even leave that comment.
It personally drives me crazy when people don’t capitalize their sentences. It’s not because I’m a grammar stickler, but because it’s much easier to read something when there is proper capitalization. I would never, however, tell someone to change the way they write on their blog.
J
Wendy, yeah, you got it. 🙂
Kara, I’ve heard of “Woe is I”, but I haven’t actually seen it yet. Might need to check it out sometime.
ML, How did you know I eat my Cheetos without my hands?
BBM, I agree that the commenter was wrong, to a point, but also, I think it’s stupid for the period to be inside the quotes in this sentence:
Margaret Atwood has been described as “Canada’s greatest writer.†Makes it sound like the period is part of the description of Atwood.
Same with this one:
Described as “Canada’s greatest writer,†Margaret Atwood is often asked to deliver convocation addresses.
I agree that those are both good American English, but I happen to think the punctuation would make more SENSE outside of the quotation marks.
I’m with you on the capitilization thing, and I also agree that I would never tell anyone how to write their blog. 🙂
Beenzzz
I give up on the rules of grammar. It all sucks the big one as far as I am concerned. I’m sure I’ve broken 49 rules already. 🙂 I didn’t know that about the punctuation being inside the quotation marks only applying to American English. Good to know!
Jessica
My pet peeve is someone who leaves infinitives out entirely. Example, “My hair needs cut” rather than “My hair needs to be cut” – argh!
Also, I can’t stand it when people use words such as “irregardless” or put an “s” on the end of “toward” and “regard” – “She was running towards the house” or “In regards to the latest studies…” the “s” is not necessary, people!
Tracy
#3…eewwww! 😉
Ml
J, it’s the only way to eat Cheetos! 😉
Maya's Granny
My personal peeve is the double negative — that’s a math rule, that a double negative makes a positive. It isn’t supposed to be a grammar rule. Like the split infinitive, someone generalized from one thing to another, and now we are supposed to live with it.
Valbee
I always thought the punctuation inside the quotation marks came from newspaper publishing, but I might be associating that with when I was an intern for a newspaper and had to relearn to type without putting two spaces after a period.
But thank you for pointing out the split infinitives. I think I am guilty of that on a regular basis. I have been told I can write well. Whatever ability I have comes from reading at a young age and picking up what sounds right. If I were asked to diagram a sentence, I would fail. And I already know that I am a comma queen. I use far too many of them, but I write like it sounds in my head. (Damn those voices!)
ally bean
Grammar rules are good, but not necessary, for communication to take place. I say to go with what makes sense to you– as long as your message is clear.
And on a similar note, I used to read a blog until the blogger requested that all commenters use upper and lower case when leaving comments on his blog. He was offended by alternative lettering. Get real.
J
Valbee, yes, you’re right…that is what I read as well about the reason for the punctuation being inside the quotation marks. However, all of the other English speaking countries managed to figure it out without changing rules of grammar. Weird.
Cherry
I have no pet peeves on grammar because… well…I tend to annoy most of the grammar natzis out there with my grammar (written or spoken).
I do know that I use ellipses too much because I, like many, write the way it sounds in my head. Sometimes the pauses in my head are longer then a comma, I feel they deserve an ellipse. I also over use parenthesis because I use them to delineate my inner voice, or explain my primary written voice, or to make a humorous remark (even if it’s only humorous to me). Again, it makes sense in my head, so that is what ends up on the paper (or screen).
DEAL with it!
J
I actually prefer people that write the way it sounds in their head. I think you get away from stupid grammar rules like split infinitives and periods inside of a quotation mark if you stick to what makes sense.
jay lassiter
i never understoood any of this stuff ’till i got really good at German and had to contemplate the grammer examples you cite.
The passive voice (“the room was decorated by a fag” or “my lungs were filled with bongsmoke”) was a tough one for me. it’s easy in my mothertongue, but hard in german.
Honestly i never knew shit about grammer and stuff until i became multilingual.
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regarding the split infinitive, that is a new one for me. thanks for the explainer.
Shelliza
I’m not an English major but what annoys me is when some use “your” in place of “you’re”. Now, isn’t that basic punctuation?
Neil
Happened upon your thread while doing some grammar research. Number 2 on your list reminded of the apocryphal quote attributed to Churchill. Supposedly, after an editor mangled one of his sentences to avoid ending it with a preposition, he responded, “That is the sort of English up with which I will not put.” Makes me chuckle, even if it ain’t true.