Nice vs. Kind
Ally had a post the other day about her rules for how to live her life, and in the comments, Nance mentioned that the only rule she lives by is to be kind. Then I saw this meme on FB, and it got me thinking about the difference between being nice and being kind.
According to this post, the main difference is in your motivation. Nice is about how you want to be perceived, whereas kind is about genuine compassion and caring. From the post: “If you get offended when people don’t offer you praise for being “nice” then you can be certain you aren’t being kind.”
I agreed with a lot of what the author (Yaholo) of the post said. It made me think of some people I know in my own life, who are sometimes kind, but all too often busy being nice, wanting that recognition and admiration. I don’t know whether I am kind or not, but I try to be. I try to do the right thing, which sometimes means being nice, and sometimes does not.
I have heard that if you want to truly be kind, it must be anonymous. I disagree. I don’t think we need to brag or show off about things we have said or done, but I also don’t think it is necessarily bragging to tell others of the kind/good things you have done. For example, if I choose to deliver Meals on Wheels as a volunteer activity, I don’t think it takes away from the motivation behind it for me to talk about it. Rather, I like to think that by talking about it, perhaps I am sparking an idea in someone else that they might find a way to help others in their community.
I especially likes the first bullet point on the meme above. Willing to make waves. It is kind to stand up against injustice, to work to make the world a better place. To do this, you may have to do things that others may not consider nice.
What say you? Do you see a difference between being nice and being kind?
8 Comments
Ally Bean
Yes I see a definite difference between nice and kind. Nice is a doormat, kind is holding the door open for others before going through it yourself. I like the making waves idea about being kind, too. Now how do we get everyone to understand these distinctions? By being kind!
Thanks for linking to my post. It was kind of you. ?
J
One of the sites I looked at talked about opening the door for people, and the author said someone who is ‘nice’ opens the door for you, but does it for recognition and wants praise for having opened it. The ‘kind’ person opens the door for you to make your life easier, and does not demand recognition. I feel kind of in the middle. If I open the door for someone, yes, I would like a polite ‘thank you’, but I am not angry if I don’t get it. I used to have a coworker who would make an effort to open doors, and I felt he was kind about it. Just how he was raised. He didn’t mind if you got there first and opened the door for yourself, didn’t make a big deal out of it. I had another coworker who, if you got there before him and opened your own door, he would sigh in an exaggerated way and try to take it from you. Very frustrating to me. I am capable of opening the door for myself, but will certainly appreciate someone opening the door for me, and will open it for someone coming up behind me. Funny how there can be so much packed into such a small gesture, right?
steph
I guess I had always thought of these as synonyms, but I see how different they are. Thanks for sharing….getting one to think a bit deeper is always good.
J
Steph,
Welcome! Yes, they are similar and often intersect, and I don’t necessarily think there is ALWAYS a difference. But there is sometimes, and it is worth considering.
nance
What a great chart and accompanying post, and I agree with all of it.
The Portland Wall of Moms (now joined by the Wall of Vets/Veterans) is another good example. Their kindness is taking the form of activism–really making waves in their efforts to be Kind.
Kindness is Niceness with a Heart and a Purpose bigger than the Self. I am Kind because not only is it the right thing to do, I do it because I want to make the world a better place. That may sound almost preposterous or egomaniacal to some, but I truly believe that acts of Kindness inspire other acts of Kindness. They help. They make others feel better, feel less angry, feel more cared for, less alone, and make the world more humane.
I also enthusiastically agree with your point that talking about how your own acts of Kindness can inspire others to do the same. I read in another writer’s blog about Operation Gratitude, which is knitting for soldiers and veterans. I immediately involved myself in this project and when asked by others what I was knitting, told them about it. I hope it helped spread the word and involve others.
Great post! And thanks for the mention and link.
J
Nance, I like your point, Kindness is Niceness with a Heart and a Purpose bigger than the Self. Very well put.
Rain Trueax
I think there is a difference. It’s not wrong to be seen as doing a good deed but if you want credit for it, then that’s nice not kind.
J
Exactly. And I think we all like a bit of acknowledgement for our efforts, a Thank You once in awhile. But the overwhelming NEED to be recognized and to be seen a certain way, vs. doing what is right for the sake of doing it, is a big difference for me.