Maybe I get it
My ancestors are all Christian, some more so than others…and yet, I was raised as an atheist. Once, in 4th grade, when all of my friends were religious and I wanted to fit in, my mom caught me praying in the bathroom. She was incensed, and told me that if there was indeed a God, he was a bastard that she didn’t want me to have anything to do with. Her father had died when she was very young, her mother had married an abusive man who became her step-father, and she had a lot of serious issues with God. That was my first taste of the anger that can be directed at God, and it struck me hard.
And yet, we still celebrated Christmas. As atheists, we didn’t celebrate it as a religious holiday. Rather, we celebrated it in its more secular form, enjoying the gifts and the pagan tree, family and friends. A time to celebrate our joys and happiness, and a time to be charitable to those less fortunate than us.
Fast forward several years, and Ted and I are married, with our beautiful child, and we decided that we wanted to celebrate more than just the holidays and cultures we grew up with. We decided we wanted Maya to grow up knowing about other cultures that surround us and inform us. So we started celebrating Hanukkah. It’s a joyous holiday of celebrating light in the midst of darkness, just like our secular Christmas. We enjoy the latkas, the menorah, the songs and a gift.
I don’t claim that we celebrate these religious holidays in their deeper meanings. We are secular, and enjoy the familial aspects more than any spiritual ones. And yet, we really enjoy them a lot, and we enjoy the meaning of the feeling behind them.
Sunday at sunset was the first night of Hanukkah, so I went out looking for Hanukkah candles and ingredients for latkas. The potatoes and onions were no problem, but the candles were another issue. This was the first time I realized what a pain it can be at this time of year to not celebrate Christmas. I have read over and over on the blogs of my Jewish friends about how much they love their religion and their culture, and yet, how they have felt not only excluded but somewhat jealous when it comes to Christmas. They miss the magic of Santa and Christmas morning. They don’t miss the Jesus part, because they don’t need the religion. They have that. But the fun magical part, that they miss.
And that is the part that shows up in the stores, in the songs and Christmas specials. That is the part that I saw on Sunday, looking for candles. The rows of Christmas stuff that lures in the children, the part that seems magical, and yet if you scratch below the surface a bit, is overwhelmingly commercial. There were inflatable Christmas trees, special Hershey’s kisses, in green and red foil, Nickelodeon candy canes, dancing Santas, ornaments that play Christmas music that almost, but not quite, overwhelmed the Billy Joel muzak playing in the store. And while, if I were Jewish, I would not miss any of this over-the-top crap, I can see how a person might become envious of the row after row of bows and ribbons and candy and toys, with one tiny little corner set aside for Hanukkah candles, one corner in one store out of the three I went to. And what if you’re neither Jewish nor Christian? If you’re Muslim or Hindu or Atheist or something else, there’s not even a tiny section set aside for you. (Though one could easily argue that the over-the-top commercial side of Christmas does indeed bow to the secularists amongst us, and I would say that it is the worst part of all of the holiday.)
Anyway, it came down to this. It came down to me feeling like this whole culture is all about Christmas Christmas Christmas, and yet no one is happy with that. There are those who say that the Christ has been lost from Christmas, and it needs to be a more spiritual holiday. There are those who say that there are other holidays around this time of the year, and they would like to be aknowledged as well. I can see both of these points of view. I am for a holiday season of inclusion, a season when we might all enjoy our own celebrations, and we can forget the ‘Happy Holidays’ vs. ‘Merry Christmas’ battles, and just enjoy ourselves. What’s wrong with wishing each other our very best, and hoping for some light in the depths of a cold, dark winter. With wishing for the best for our family and friends, and sparing a thought for those with less?
14 Comments
Autumn's Mom
It makes me sad that your mother’s anger made such an impression on you. I know she had every good reason to feel the way she did, truly. I believe she’s at piece now. I believe in second chances.
The commercialization of Christmas has been around so long, it’s a mighty machine that I don’t know if we can stop. We have to be strong as consumers and say we want things to change. I wish we lived in a time that was more accepting of other cultures. I think there is something to be learned from all of them, not just the one that I believe in.
John Smulo
My family is Jewish on both sides. When I was growing up we celebrated Hanukkah and Christmas. I loved both, and would like to do both with my family eventually.
When I became a Jesus-follower at 20 Christmas took on additional meaning for me as a birthday party, and most Christmases with my kids we’ve had a birthday cake for Jesus. Probably sounds corny, but its been a way to try and communicate to them that its about a celebration of Jesus’ birth.
I think that Christmas has also taken on cultural meanings that, perhaps first and foremost, involve the commodification of Christmas. This part stresses me out because of the huge pressure to spend more than you have (though its so much fun to give and receive!). I think that it also involves other cultural things that can be enjoyed regardless of religious or non-religious background.
Btw, I think its really cool you guys are celebrating Hanukkah.
Ted
The cultural battles over Christmas are kind of ridiculous — especially when shopping at a local mall. The only “spirit” there is the spirit of capitalism.
melanie
I’m a Jewess (the word annoys come people…) and I do not miss or envy what has happened to the Christmas holiday. As Ted commented, it’s all about capitalism — but not until you allow it to be all about capitalism. You can find magic by celebrating, worshipping, talking, learning, sharing, and creating with friends and family. You can give to the needy – a group which, unfortunately, IS inclusive.
As for Chanukah: it’s a minor holiday, and were it not for its proximity to Christmas, it would not cause any grumbling whatsoever.
Merry, happy, healthy season!
Nance
This post, and its ensuing comments, are incredibly thought-provoking. As I ponder yet again how Christmas and its meaning continue to change for me over the years, it has given me even more to think about.
Really a tremendous post. I hope you repost it every year at this time.
Amy @ My Friend Amy
I love Christmas for its spiritual significance to me. I also love learning about other cultures and their holidays, and even partaking in their celebrations if the situation is right.
It’s always hard to be in the minority, to feel that what you value is not valued by others and to feel that because they do not value it, they don’t value you. While I won’t get in a major war over saying Christmas, I sometimes wonder what we’re giving up as we generalize everything. I personally hate that I feel uncomfortable when someone I don’t know says Merry Christmas to me. I celebrate and love Christmas, but I don’t feel free to express that to strangers. And that makes me sad.
Sister Wolf
As a jew and an atheist, I enjoy both Christmas and Hannukah. But I was always offended by the ads for various supermarket chains that said “For Our Jewish Friends” and featured matzoh and whatever. Ha! “Our Jewish Friends” has a sinister ring to it, know what I mean?
jeri
Ah yes…every year there is the search for Hanukkah candles. This year I had no luck and we made due with what we had lying around. I celebrate Hanukkah with my husband and christmas with my family. I have long been agast at what Christmas is but have made peace with my own discomfort. I find the quiet, minimalist celebration of lights a much more pleasing tradition. Happy “Holidays” to you and your family.
L.
I got used to celebrating Christmas in non-Christian Japan, where it’s a purely commercial holiday, and there was something actually GOOD about that.
Happy, happy, merry, merry, to you and your family!
Jill Riter
I don’t understand the mindset that cannot reconcile humanity and the fallenness of it all with the fact that there still remains a loving, benevolent God. But that is my reference point, that: there is. It is interesting that often people take ‘issue’ with God: “How can a good God POSSIBLY allow ‘that’ to happen?” when that ‘something’ finally happens to ‘them’. It seems not to dawn on the ego-centric self until something terrible happens to them, personally.
Life can be tragic in so many ways, but that is not God’s fault… He allows it. And most often, I believe, to draw us unto Himself: the source of every good and perfect gift, sole provider, lover of our souls. This life is not all there is, He desires to save us for His enjoyment and our good pleasure for all of eternity.
We are fallen people in need of a Saviour. The fact is, God is who He is and that never changes. He actually sent His son into the world to redeem us, this being the lovliest, truest act of concern God could have for us. The fact that we can become His children is so wonderful!
I am sorry for what your mother went through, by the way. There can be so many reasons for tragedies, but the result is the same, broken hearts, and sometimes minds and bodies. That is another blessing of our God, He is our helper and healer, also. God bless you and your beautiful family.
Jesus is our light in the dark wintertime. The birth of the Christchild was an epochal event, whose legacy endures, not because He was some ordinary man. He was and is God. Moreover, He is alive! And for all who seek God with all there heart, He will be faithful to reveal Himself.
Please visit my music and hear some of what I believe put out in song. Me, a fallen sinner, redeemed by a gracious, loving God. Merry Christmas to you, in the deeper sense of the holiday and traditions. I enjoyed reading about your life!
http://myspace.com/jillriter
J
Jill,
You said:
“It is interesting that often people take ‘issue’ with God: “How can a good God POSSIBLY allow ‘that’ to happen?” when that ’something’ finally happens to ‘them’. It seems not to dawn on the ego-centric self until something terrible happens to them, personally.”
I would argue that for me, and for those who question mightily, that the issue with God isn’t personal. Perhaps it was for my mom, but her tragedy happened when she was very young, and she hadn’t yet been exposed to the tragedies of the world. For me, the question of how can God allow that to happen has little or nothing to do with human sins, with 9-11 or the Oklahoma bombing, or even horrific genocides like Rwanda or the Holocaust, and instead has more to do with so called ‘acts of God’, Tsunamis and earthquakes that kill thousands of people at once, and have nothing to do with human sin and choices that are made. I cannot reconcile the beauty of nature with the cruelty of nature, and still believe that there is a master creator of it all, orchestrating and controlling events. My grandmother, who is religious, was surprised to learn that I am atheist, though she admitted that she could understand how a person who considers logic and thought above faith could believe that way. I agree with her, and I have not yet been able to make that leap, beyond reason and logic and the cruelty of a God who would allow this world to continue as it does, to faith in a good and loving God who nonetheless allows this world to continue as it does.
Perhaps this is my failing. But I am not really interested in overcoming it.
donna
Axial tilt is the reason for the season — all religions borrow from the pagan idea of bringing the sun back from the long night.
Everything else is bull.
Rain
What I have come to see as wrong is fundamentalism in whatever form it takes. If someone knows all they need to know and is not open to new knowledge changing that, they are a fundamentalist and to me it limits them, and some would limit all around them to whatever truth works for them. We are not the same; so it’s what truth works for each person including Christianity. Anytime it becomes an ism though, then it’s not good because it limits new growth and ideas.
Having been through no religion to Christianity, back out to no religion, I feel free to make of Christmas what suits me. This year that was decorating the house but for the Solstice which is the celebration of return of the light that this season is really all about anyway. There could have been a ritual for it but there wasn’t this year.
These kind of ideas, especially about the meaning of life and spiritual holidays like Easter and Christmas have to be hard when you have children to raise (I was in a religion during those years but still raised my kids to think for themselves and we all are pagans today); but I think teaching them about all spiritual truths is the best method; then they can decide what works for them.
Rain
Oh and when it comes to bad stuff happening, it’s not a question of god allowing or not allowing. It’s accepting it happens and we just accept it while doing what we can in our own way. I don’t believe in prayer either as some do, nor rituals to change things although maybe they can change us like many things can. The fact that bad stuff happens or that there are religions that are bad does not prove god does not exist. It just proves that what some people believe about the spiritual nature of this universe isn’t true. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a spiritual truth in it.