How To Be Annoying….

Back in my sordid days as a front desk clerk at a fancy hotel in SF, (OK, they weren’t really sordid…I just say that to give myself street cred) I had a VERY annoying coworker whom I shall call Biff, because, well, his name was Biff. Really, his name was Jason, but he went by Biff. Why anyone with a perfectly good name like Jason would go by Biff is beyond me. Maybe there were too many Jasons in the family, and that was his family’s way of telling them all apart. Maybe they read too much Superman. (Wasn’t there a character named Biff in the Superman comics?) Anyway, in the months and weeks leading up to Biff’s vacations, he would periodically put out these loooonnnngggg sigggghhhhhss… and he would say, “Only 25 more days until my vacation….” and then tell you the same boring details about his vacation. Never the interesting type of details like exotic locations he was going to see, or family he would visit, or anything like that. No, he would talk about what time he was going to have to get up to make it to the airport on time, and how it was 25 minutes earlier than he would USUALLY have to get up, and he wasn’t sure if he should set TWO alarms instead of one, to make sure he would wake up, because, you know, it was 25 MINUTES EARLIER THEN HE USUALLY GOT UP. This would go on, with him talking about this ALL FRICKIN’ DAY, every day, for the month before he went on vacation. I’ve got to tell you, we were all SO happy when he was gone. Then, he would come back, and would he tell us fabulous details about his fabulous vacation? No. He would put out those same loooonnnnngggg siiiggggghhhhsss and tell us that this time last week, he was on vacation. And he wished he were still on vacation. Believe me, so did we. Then the countdown would begin to the NEXT vacation. It was endless. Maybe his vacations were spent hooking-up with strangers in some secret locale, and that’s why we never got any INTERESTING details, I don’t know. But the pain was pretty much constant when you were working with Biff.

All of this is my way of telling you that we’re going on vacation in….5 days….and in my mind? I’m Biff. I’m definately counting down….