Holiday Depression…
I’ve been hearing lately about how the holidays are a hard time for so many people…how they depress people and stress the hell out of people, and I’ve been wondering, what is it about Christmas (and Hannukah…do any of my Jewish friends get depressed around this time of year?) that brings folks down? Isn’t this supposed to be a happy time? So I thought, what is it that we do to ourselves around the holidays?
1. Maybe too much pressure put on shopping and gifts, you think? In a culture where the majority of retailers go into the black finally in the last month of the year, and our whole economy is based on overconsumption, so that if we DON’T shop our heads off, trickle down economics may mean we lose our jobs…well, that’s a bit of pressure. Plus, the pressure to get everyone the ‘perfect gift’. I don’t know about you, but some times I’m inspired by a gift idea, and other times, I’m just not. If I’m not inspired, then you’re going to get whatever I come up with, because dang it, I’m being forced to buy you SOMETHING (It is Christmas, right? How can I not give a gift at Christmas???) So yeah, that does seem like it can be stressful.
2. There’s a lot of pressure to do things perfectly. Perfect tree, perfect cookies, perfect cards sent out, house always clean in case folks stop by. If we’re just normal folks the other 11 months of the year, why is there suddenly this extra burden put upon us this time of year? Is it pressure from friends and family? Martha Stewart? Do you really think she gives a rat’s ass about your cookies? Or is it mostly pressure from within? Pressure to make Christmas as special as we can, and have every day be a Norman Rockwell painting?
3. Family and Friends. Some folks live far away from their family and friends, and this time of year can be hard if you can’t be with them. It feels somewhat lonely and isolated. Some folks lost a dear family member, and the pain is more acute this time of year. And some folks families are dysfunctional enough that they WISH they lived farther away, because the thought of spending Christmas with the folks makes them want to pack a bottle of gin in the overnight bag.
4. Christmas day letdown. If everything doesn’t go exactly as perfectly and wonderfully as you had hoped, if the picture in your head is one thing, and the day you got is something else entirely, then by that evening, or maybe the day after, it can be quite a letdown. And if things DID go perfectly according to plan, it’s over, and you won’t have another day just like it for a whole year, and that can be sad as well.
I’m sure there’s more. These are my guesses as to what brings folks down at Christmas time. I guess I’m fortunate, because I don’t tend to feel blue this time of year. I really enjoy it. Often, it means that friends who live far away will be in town, so I’ll get to see them. Sometimes it means extra dinners or get togethers with friends, which I also love. It is sad for me that I don’t get to see any of my family for Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or New Years, or my birthday…but I’m used to it by now, and Ted’s family is warm and welcoming, and we have a wonderful time, anyway, so it’s OK.
As for the shopping, I’m an early shopper. I truly hate the crowds at Christmas, they stress me out. I don’t really mind going out for one easy thing maybe, on Christmas Eve, enjoying the last minute anticipation, the lights and the decorations and (hopefully) good cheer. But I need to have most of my things purchased well in advance. Partly this comes from my days in college, where I felt the need to get all of my shopping and mailing done before finals, so I could concentrate. Partly, I’m sure, it comes from having 90% of the gifts I buy going to other cities, all over the country. You need some leeway for that. And partly, it’s just my personality. I like to make a list, and check things off of it, and be done. It’s a warm feeling in my tummy.
Baking? Not much of a baker here. But Ted’s family has baking day (TODAY! YAY!), and we all get together and bake cookies and treats, and relax and maybe watch a movie, and it’s fun. This year I’m making a gingerbread bundt cake. It’s from a box. So what? I don’t care. Like I said, I’m not much of a baker, so it’s fine with me. Heck, I don’t even much care if it turns out yummy, so long as I have fun making it and visiting with family.
As for the after Christmas letdown, I have experienced that a time or two. But taking the week off between Christmas and New Years is a great solution to that problem. The day after can be so nice and quiet and relaxing, and heck, if we want to go do something fun, we do. If we want to stay home and read or watch movies, we do. It’s nice.
I guess the key, for me, is to not get my expectations for Christmas day too high. It’s a wonderful day, only once a year, but really, there are many wonderful days in every year, so it’s kind of good to focus on that once in awhile.
How about you? Do the holidays bring you down, or are you able to enjoy them without any depression? Do you have tricks that you use to keep from stressing out this time of year?
9 Comments
hellomelissa
boy, i’ve been hearing/ reading a TON of these woeful stories as well! me, as long as i don’t venture too far afield during the holidays and just keep it close to home and hearth, i LOVE them. but crowds, shopping, traffic… they all make me want to crawl in a hole and wake up in january.
Gina
I really do like the holidays, and pretty much the only time I get stressed out is when I have a big pile of presents in front of me that need wrapped. Pronto.
I think last year I definitely experienced a letdown, but more for Mr. P than myself. I felt that we didn’t do enough things for him, even though we probably did as he was only three at the time.
I think it is definitely those expectations that are set too high that depress people. Because maybe deep down they know they are too high, and it never unfolds exactly the way you want it to.
Maya's Granny
I find that the holidays are really nice. I don’t expect wonderful, and so I’m not disappointed. I liked them better when you and Richard and I lived together, but I liked every day better when we lived together.
Heather
We manage to have a fairly low-key low-stress Christmas, so it’s never caused depression for me. But I’m lucky to have close family on both sides, so I don’t know what it means to feel lonely at Christmas.
Py Korry
I get a bit overwhelmed by the “deadline driven” nature of Christmas. You know, you have to have your lights up at a certain time, cards have to go out, presents bought and wrapped/mailed, and all the other stuff.
Plus, since I’ve been working in radio, I’m so saturated with ads that I get sick of it.
By Xmas eve, I’m usually in a good mood since it’s the calm before the storm.
Ml
The thing that stresses me out is that they’re shoving Christmas down my throat in September now. I don’t want to know about Christmas in September. So, by the time the acutal day does come around, I’m so sick of the whole thing, I can just hurl. I do tend to get a bit stressed out with people trying to kill each other to get to that one last sock or something stupid like that. Also, the hub bub of getting this cooked, decorated, ready, gets me stressed as well. I liked your idea (that you wrote about the other day) of spreading the Christmas cheer over a period of a couple weeks. It helps with the let down that follows.
Another thing I don’t care for, is having to take all the decorations down and pack them away. I don’t wanna do it…any elves around who can do that for me? 😉
Other than that, I do enjoy the quiet moments that I get at home when I sit by the fire and revel in the warmth of the season. No stress there.
Heidi
Isolation for sure. The idealized family is celebrated and pushed into our psyches. If you’re lonely, maybe you long for that version of family, that fake perfection. I think it makes people very sad that they don’t have these close bonds, making them all the more depressed. People have become more stoic and closed, we don’t tell people we care for that we love them often enough. Touch is very important as well. A genuine hug can really go a very long way in making someone feel cared for.
Ginger
I don’t usually get stressed or depressed at Christmas although I usually plan to cook a lot of goodies and never seem to grasp that I work full-time. Like, you I shop early (finish by October 1 is my rule). I love to decorate and wrap presents. My problem is the January let down. The holidays are over, it is cold (even here in Alabama) and nothing is going on. This year I plan to fight off the January blues by going to the Happiest Place on Earth!
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