Happy Birthday to my Sisters
This picture is at my Dad’s 70th birthday, in 2013. My sisters are twins, and today is their birthday! Melissa is on the left, I am in the middle, and Maya is on the right. Due to NaBloPoMo, I have a lot of new readers, so I will give a bit of background on my relatively unique upbringing. For anyone with a lot of time on their hands (ha!), I wrote about meeting my dad at the age of 21, here, here, and here.
The short version is that my parents met in High School, and were great friends, though never dated. My mom dropped out of college at U.C. Berkeley when she found herself pregnant, and she married another good friend (not the father of her baby) a few days before my brother was born. That was a marriage doomed to failure, though they did try their best. When that marriage fell apart, and my mom and her husband were separated and working on divorce, my dad came to see her one day, he was leaving in the next few days, moving across the country. He refused the draft in the Vietnam war, and was sentenced to do alternate service, and he went to Boston for that. My mom was upset that day, and one thing led to another, it was the mid sixties, and you know how that ends. She actually thought she was pregnant at the time, with her ex-husband, and didn’t put two and two together for several years, even though I was just over 5 lbs and clearly premature, and to be her ex-husband’s daughter, I would have been almost a month overdue. My mom was pretty good at missing somewhat obvious signs.
In Boston, my dad met and married Mary, and they had twins, my sisters Maya and Melissa. At the time, they didn’t even know that she was carrying twins. They only knew she was HUGE. So they expected Maya, but Melissa was a surprise. (I say they expected Maya, but of course the truth is that they expected 1 baby, not 2…but Maya was the first born, and the name they had agreed upon for a girl, so they had to figure it out for Melissa.) My dad and Mary eventually divorced. Mary remarried a doctor, Frank, whose daughter was my sister Maya’s best friend. Frank and Mary had two more children.
Fast forward to 1987, when I was 21 and going to college in San Francisco, and my mom decided it was beyond time to call my dad and see if she could get us in touch. He dropped everything and drove from Portland to San Francisco a few days later. The articles I linked to earlier were written by a journalist friend of my dad, back in 1990. Between 1990 and when my father died in 2017, my relationship with him and my sisters deepened and grew. He married my step-mom, Julie, in 1992, and our relationship also grew and deepened. I felt very close to my dad, I feel very close to my sisters and our step-mom, though I have never spent more than a week at a time with any of them, have never lived in the same state.
So, the sibling count is:
1 brother – he is my half brother, we have the same mom, different dads. (Sadly, he never met his father. His father was a well known musician, and also had another son who committed suicide around the same time that my mom was trying to get them in touch. And he was married, and I think his wife was somewhat suspicious of my brother’s intentions, due to his father’s fame. They spoke on the phone a couple of times, and exchanged email and a few letters, but he never got the relationship that I was fortunate enough to have.) Richard and I were raised together and share our childhood memories. He lives in Alaska with his wonderful wife, Kathy.
2 sisters – Maya and Melissa, with whom I share our dad. They have so many siblings, but only each other with the same parents. They have a step-sister and 2 half siblings on their mom’s side, and me on our dad’s side.
Our dad died suddenly in 2017, while on vacation in Italy with our step-mom. His obituary is here. He was an amazing person, and the community really came together when he died. He was honored by a local independent radio station, where he served over the years as a DJ, board member, and volunteer. He was honored by the National Conference of the Grant Professionals Association in 2019. He volunteered for Meals on Wheels for over 20 years.
OK, wow, this has turned into a long post about our dad, rather than a Happy Birthday post to my sisters. Maya and Melissa both live in Portland. Both are happily married, and they each have 2 kids, one girl and one boy. Maya is a physical therapist, and Melissa works at a local private elementary school. Maya and her family love to garden and bake. Melissa ran a marathon years ago, and more recently kicked cancer to the curb. Both sisters love to travel. They are wonderful women, and are so very dear to me. I wish so very often that we lived closer, so I could see them more regularly.
16 Comments
Meike Visel
Wow, that is quite a story! I am glad to hear you were able to form a connection with him and still have your sisters in your life .
J
Thanks Meike…it never seems unusual, since it is the life I have lived, but when I say it or write it all down, I realize how very different it is from the experience most people have.
Suzanne
This was such a wonderful, fascinating story. I am so glad that you have such a close relationship with your sisters, and that you were able to have a strong relationship with your dad. Thank you so much for sharing them with us!
J
Thank you Suzanne!
Elisabeth
Thanks for sharing your story; it is always fascinating to realize what distinct stories we all have. As you mention above, it doesn’t feel unusual to you because you’ve lived it.
I’m so glad you have such a close relationship with your siblings and grew to have such a special and deep relationship with your Dad. He sounds like such a versatile man – with so many interests and clearly someone who believed in social justice and followed that through with action. I love that he was active with Meals on Wheels; my grandmother received that service for several years before she had to move into a care home.
Also: Happy Birthday to your sisters – you all are stunning!!!
J
Thank you Elisabeth! When I was laid off from my job during the Great Recession in 2009, I was looking for something to do, so I started volunteering for Meals on Wheels. I loved it. I volunteered there until COVID shut it down. To be clear, it is not shut down, they just had to change their delivery methods and my car can’t handle it. But I sure got attached to some of those folks.
Nicole MacPherson
Wow, what a fascinating story! How wonderful for you to get this whole beautiful family when you were 21 – and for the relationships to grow and blossom. What a gift! Your dad sounds like he was an incredible person, and your sisters do as well. Happy birthday to them!
Two of my aunts are also twins, and I think that was a “surprise” as well! Back in the days before ultrasounds and technology, I guess!
J
Thank you Nicole! Yeah, crazy to not know that there are two, right?
nance
I’m always struck by your incredible life story (as you know, J). And I continue to be fascinated by the names that are common in it as well, Julie and Maya. You look so much like your dad!
It’s terrific that you have such a warm relationship with your sisters and all the rest of your dad’s family.
J
Thanks Nance!
Julie is coincidence, but of course my daughter is named for my sister. Her middle name is Ted’s sister’s middle name.
NGS
What a complicated family. It’s crazy how missed opportunities can have such far-reaching legacies. Imagine if your dad hadn’t had to go to Boston! Happy birthday to your sisters and thank you for sharing your story.
J
It’s definitely complicated, you are right!
San
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, J. Your family had “a lot going on” (if I may say so), but I am extremely in awe how well your ‘patchwork’ family seemed to come together and weave more bonds between each other (that is not always the case, I assume).
I’ll read the full story and I just read your father’s obituary… I grew up skiing in the Dolomites every winter. It’s a beautiful area and I am glad your Dad got to see it.
J
San, yes, I feel very fortunate to have the relationship that I do with my siblings and my dad. It breaks my heart that my brother didn’t have that with his dad and siblings as well. He has walls up around his heart, and this is a big part of why.
Margaret
What a fascinating family history! I had to read the post twice just to make sure I had made all the connections. Very curious about the well-known musician but I’m known for my curiosity. The photo with your siblings is beautiful.
J
It’s a bit twisty isn’t it? So when I say something like, ‘my sister’s step dad’, or ‘my sister’s brother’, it can be confusing to folks!