Happy Birthday to my Brother
Picture of Richard and me, WAY back in 2001, in our Grandma’s back yard before his sister-in-law’s wedding. We’re older and greyer now.
Happy Birthday, to my big brother, Richard! I mentioned him in my post last week for my sisters’ birthday. Seems like quite a few of my favorite people are Sagetarious. Richard and I have the same mom, and we were raised together. We were both born in the Bay Area, he in Oakland, me in Berkeley, and we moved to Fairbanks, Alaska when we were young. We lived for a year or two in a homestead outside of town, with no running water and no telephone, and our closest neighbor was maybe 1/2 mile away. We had sled dogs, a broken down Jeep, and adventures that I barely remember.
There was the moose that camped out in our yard, with her calves. You don’t come between a moose and her young, so we were late to town a couple of times, waiting. There was the bear that discovered where we kept the dog food, and refused to leave. I believe we had to have it shot. Our mom had a gun, which is a good idea in the wilderness. She used it to shoot a hole through the ice in the creek, to get water to wash the dishes. There was the time that our mom got very sick from a bad reaction to her thyroid medication, and could not get out of bed, in the dead of winter. I was 5, and he was 7. Our house was heated by a coal burning stove, and he had to bring in the coal to warm the house. He remembers being very frustrated that he could only carry a bit at a time, it was too heavy. He remembers our cousin coming out from town to check on us when he hadn’t seen us in a few days, and bringing us into town. That cousin surely saved our lives. Richard gained a sense of being capable and being able to deal with whatever life threw at him from that experience. We spent a few years in town after that, and then a few years later, we moved back to California.
We had good years and bad, we had times when we were best of friends and when we barely spoke. We teased mom so much she had to storm off and slam her door at us. We laughed until we cried when her angry retort to our teasing was, “I thought I raised children, but I guess I just got a couple of turkeys!” We lived in a rough neighborhood, though it was safe enough when we moved in. I don’t think that people talk enough about how people can be trapped by poverty. We lived in an unsafe neighborhood, where our garage was broken into so someone could steal my brother’s bike, where houses were tagged by gangs, where as a 20 year old, I was not allowed to walk to the corner store alone. Somehow our house was never broken into (someone tried once, but my mom was home and the burglar ran off), and the worst thing that happened was I had my purse stolen while walking to work in the morning. Well, that and Richard’s bike. And my boyfriend’s car battery was stolen from his car in our driveway.
We grew up…I moved to San Francisco for college, Richard and my mom moved away from that neighborhood in Stockton, to Sacramento. Richard fell in love with Kathy (actually, that part was in Stockton, after I left, at the local community college). I fell in love with Ted. We both got married the same year, and in 1993, our mom moved back to Alaska, this time to Juneau. In 1994, he and Kathy followed, and Ted and I moved to Philadelphia. We haven’t lived in the same city since 1987, nor the same state since 1994. I wish we lived closer. I wish we could celebrate his birthday together. I hope we can come to Alaska next year and spend some time together there.
16 Comments
nance
I agree with you that more people who have been trapped in Poverty need to tell that story. It *is* a trap, a grind, a deep hole that keeps its inhabitants locked in with nothing but a shred of hope for a Lucky Break. Sometimes all the hard work in the world isn’t enough; you need a bit of luck for a breakthrough.
Here’s to at least a nice birthday call with your brother, and perhaps making plans for a visit. You obviously have lots to talk about.
J
Thanks Nance, yeah, luck is at least part of every success story. Talked to Richard, but he had a cold. Blah!
Nicole MacPherson
Wow, that story is terrifying, about your mom being sick. Thank goodness for your cousin. What an adventure, living in Alaska!
Happy birthday to your brother!
J
Thanks Nicole, I don’t think I mentioned that my cousin was only 15 at the time. I hope someone else would have noticed we hadn’t been around anc come to check on us. Different ending otherwise.
Margaret
I love Alaska but only in July and only in limited doses. I can’t imagine living off the grid like that! I thought I would live in different states from my daughters forever, but they’ve now moved back to WA. It’s wonderful to have them closer.
J
I’m so glad your daughters are nearby now! Regarding Alaska, my brother and his wife LOVE it. I’m not sure I could adjust to the dark as an adult. As a kid it was fine for me.
Elisabeth
Happy Birthday to your brother. What a lovely picture of you two!
Poverty is relentless and a devastatingly vicious cycle – I appreciate you sharing your story, and I’m so thankful that you and your brother and your mother survived truly harrowing situations.
J
My mom liked to say we were broke, not poor. The difference to her was hope. Her parents were not poor, we weren’t ALWAYS broke, it was periodic, due to being a single mom. So she saw it as temporary.
Suzanne
Wow, it sounds like you and your brother have endured some incredible challenges and had some wild adventures together! Happy birthday to him!
Thank you for sharing these stories. Poverty is a trap and I’m glad that you and your brother had each other all those years for support.
J
Thanks Suzanne, you are right, being broke is a trap. People who have never experienced it do not understand. They think, ‘bad neighborhood, why don’t you move?’ They don’t understand about maybe being behind on your rent, or first and last month rent, or renting a u-haul. I had a cousin who couldn’t get a divorce because she couldn’t afford the fees. Not lawyers, just the court fees. It can really trap a person.
Ally Bean
I know over the years you’ve mentioned your brother before and your story of your early life in Alaska is amazing. I can almost not imagine it. You two bonded in ways that will keep you together forever. Happy Birthday to your big brother!
J
Thanks Ally, I was there and I can almost not imagine it. A very different time and place, to be sure, and I was so young…a lot of it is pretty hazy.
ombudsben
Cool stories about growing up.
I’m so glad things got better for you.
J
Ben, ME TOO.
San
You have an interesting life and family, J. I can’t believe you grew up in the Alaskan Wilderness. That’s wild (ha!).
Poverty – especially in this country – is so devastating and exhausting and you don’t see much being done about it. California is particularly bad (do you feel that where you live?) Sacramento rent has increased so much over the last few years, homelessness has increased 70% because of unaffordable housing. It’s crazy!
Happy birthday to your brother. I am glad you’ve always had each other backs! Hope you can see him soon.
J
San, I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so yeah, the prices are insane. We have a horrible increase in homeless people here over just a few years ago.
Our life in Alaska was crazy in many ways. But aside from the isolation and the weather, it has a lot in common with rural communities around the world.
We were often broke but not always, and my grandparents were middle class and could help us if we really needed it. We had a safety net. So many people do not have that. The United States is horrible in that way.