Happiness

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(warning…I started this post with a simple idea, but it sort of took over and became unwieldy. In other words, I lost control of it. So it’s not completely coherent and doesn’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. At least not as I would define them. But I can’t think of what I would change, because that’s how my brain works anyway.)

Pursuant to yesterday’s post on grace, a post on happiness came easily to mind. After all, I firmly believe that one of the main components in living one’s life with grace is a sense of gratitude, and the ability to focus more on the good things in life than on the bad. I believe that a sense of gratitude is also instrumental to happiness. To be grateful for the blessings in life is to stop and notice them. To acknowledge them. To enjoy them, rather than ignoring them in favor of complaining about how life can be unfair.

Of course, life can be unfair. Life is often unfair. Life is far too often brutally unfair. To ignore this reality is to bury your head in the sand, and when we are then faced with the brutal truth, it can be more overwhelming and crushing than if we were aware of it all along. (Has anyone read Candide’s Voltaire? He was the epitome of head in the sand in my mind…it was this book that I felt compelled to read after the big Tsunami in ’04. The idea that people can blindly say that this is the best of all possible worlds in the face of so many dead and homeless…it strikes a chord deep within me.) I think the key to dealing with the unfairness of the world is to work toward changing those things that can be changed. If it bothers the heck out of you to see poverty, work toward social justice, and hopefully you will help to alleviate the suffering of others. And recent studies show that the act of giving is one of the easiest ways to experience happiness. Whether that means buying your friend a cup of coffee, or a gift for your mom on Mother’s Day, or something more far reaching, like giving to the charity / social organization of your choice, that feeling that somehow you are contributing toward a better world is one that brings happiness. So, if you want to bring more happiness in your life, perhaps try to add some more giving to your life. It could be flowers for a neighbor, or a smile to a homeless person on the street (they don’t see many of those). It could be a card sent to a friend, telling them you care. Or an email. It could be small or large, but I suspect that in the act of giving, you will find more happiness, even while you pass it along.

Py wrote awhile ago about one method of increasing one’s happiness, which was along the lines of gratitude. He tried an experiment in which at bedtime each night, he would try thinking of three good things that happened that day, and then think about what it was that made them good. I remember trying this for awhile, and liking it, but it kind of fell off of the radar and I forgot the practice. I think it’s time to start up again. Right here, right now. I’ll look at three good things that happened this weekend, and what made them good.

1. You all know that Maya got braces, right? Well, I have a flexible spending account set up through work, where they take money out of my check pre-tax, and then reimburse me with that money for any medical expenses that we have. The last time Maya had braces, they doled out my reimbursement throughout the year, but this time, they gave it to me in one lump sum. WOW! How cool is that? And since we had already paid for the braces, I felt like I could splurge a bit with some of the money. Guess what I did? You got it. I got the knife. AND, I got the dutch oven. Oh.My.Goodness. LOVE them both. I watch a lot of cooking shows on TV, and I have been envious for awhile of the chefs with their cool knives that actually cut properly, and dutch ovens that look so pretty and clean so easily and are all around versatile and functional. (Nance told me in a comment that she got her dutch oven for less money at TJ Maxx…so I went there, but they didn’t have any. I wasn’t willing to wait and keep going back, so I just bought one anyway. But for those of you who might be TJ Maxx shoppers, keep your eyes open!).

Why was this a good thing? (I know, it’s kind of obvious, but that’s part of the meditation.) Well, to be able to indulge my desire with something that I REALLY wanted, that is truly a good investment and will last forever, and to pay cash for it? Beautiful. Thus far we’ve had shrimp etouffee, lamb stew, and truly yummy roast chicken, all made using both the knife and the dutch oven. Yay!

2. You all know we went wine tasting on Friday. That was good, because not only were we all together, and none of us plugged into a computer or tv (well, Maya did have her DS in the back seat on the drive), we also got to not be at work/school on a Friday, and we got to drink yummy wines, and it was a gorgeous spring day.

3. We had a very relaxing day on Sunday. I went to a knife class at Williams Sonoma on Sunday morning, where they taught us about caring for our knives, and what knives are best for what purposes. Of course, they wanted to sell me more product, but they were very soft sell about it, which I appreciated. After that, I went to the farmers’ market, where I ran into my friend Pat, which was nice, as I haven’t seen him in awhile.

Why was this a good thing? Well, regarding the knives, it was nice to find out that I don’t have to hone my knife every time I use it, like they were suggesting. The honing thing intimidates me. And I shouldn’t use my honing steel that I have at home anyway, because the angle is wrong on it for a Japanese knife. But the shun rep was there, and she said with Japanese knives, since the steel is harder than with German knives, you hone much less often. Alton Brown hones his Shun once a week, but the rep told me she NEVER hones hers, and it keeps its edge just fine. Regarding the farmers’ market, I enjoyed seeing Pat (it’s been awhile) and how popular he is with the folks at the market, and getting some lovely fresh produce was a bonus as well.

So that’s me practicing gratitude by acknowledging the good things that have happened to me recently, things for which I can be grateful, things that make me happy.

One more thought on happiness…when Py did his NPR gig, he interviewed a guy all about the Geography of Bliss . It was a fun interview that talked about what makes people happy, and where in the world you can find the most happiness. If you’re interested in hearing the interview, you can listen here. One of the things they talked about was the difference between acceptance and resignation. Keeping your expectations manageable is one factor of happiness, but how does this wash with giving up, with resignation? It’s a balance. And one that we Americans have trouble balancing. To so many, I know, accepting that life won’t turn out exactly as we had hoped can feel like giving up. But to refuse to accept life much more as it is, rather than wanting it to be different, can be discouraging enough to bring bitterness, anger, and frustration into lives.  To find that balance, where you’re willing to live with the life you have, and try to make it the best it can be, while at the same time, not give up one’s dreams and aspirations.  That’s a difficult thing to manage for many folks, but worthwhile, I think.

Another factor they discussed was trust. Living in a society where you can trust your neighbor goes a long way toward happiness. Don’t be envious of what your neighbors have, and trust that they are kind, decent people (at least until they have proven otherwise), and you will find the stress and anger much reduced in your life.

See? This post wandered all over the place, and still doesn’t seem to say exactly what I mean to say. I don’t care. I’m happy with it. 😉