Friday Randomness
This week’s randomness is pretty random. Silly, sad, poignant, all of the feelings and things.
Spotted at Total Wine in the check out aisle. Don’t worry, if Pinot is not your thing, they had a white and a rose as well.
Spotted on my morning walk. It’s not really watermelon season yet, but here we are. This is the same area where the woman with the cat on her shoulder was a few weeks ago.
The other day I was listening to my local NPR station, to a locally produced show, Forum. It’s a discussion and call in show, and this episode was about rivers as living beings. In the lead in, the host says that the author is exploring an idea: “That rivers are living beings who should be recognized as such in imagination and law,” and then the host said, “To do so he daylights our own rationalist assumptions…” And I couldn’t even. The topic was interesting enough, I love nature and clearly if we were kinder to Mother Earth and our surroundings, we would not be in the pickle where we currently find ourselves. But ‘daylights’ as a verb? Instead of ‘reveals’ or ‘explores’ or whatever? I looked it up, and maybe it’s grammatically OK? But it wasn’t OK with me.
A friend posted this poem on her Facebook page, and I just loved it. The aching longing of it. Sigh.
Speaking of aching longing, and grief, this memorial bench was recently installed in our neighborhood, at the site where a young man took a turn too fast late one morning a couple of years ago and died in a single vehicle collision with two steel poles.
Yesterday on my morning walk, I got close enough to see the plaque, and I was so sad to read two names there rather than the one I was expecting. It turns out that the young man who died was the younger brother of a boy who died 10 years earlier, a wrestler at Maya’s high school, at the age of 18, from brain bleeding. So this family has lost two young men far too soon. So heartbreaking.
In one of those twists that the universe gives us sometimes, while I was looking at the sad, lovely plaque, I was listening to this Ezra Klein podcast, about holding grief and joy inside of us at the same time. From his description:
”This is a bit of a strange episode. It’s an attempt to explore the difficulty of everything we’re supposed to feel in a day. We’re in a time when to open the news is to expose yourself to horrors — ones that are a world away, others that are growing ever closer, or perhaps have already made landfall in our lives. And then many of us look up from our screens into a normal spring day. What do you do with that?
But that’s not new or exceptional. It’s the human condition. It exists for all of us, and it always has: life intermingling with death, grief coexisting with joy. Kathryn Schulz’s memoir, “Lost & Found,” is all about this experience — the core of her book isn’t losing a parent or finding a life partner. It’s the “and” that connects them both. How do we hold all that we have to hold, all at once? How do we not feel overwhelmed, or emotionally numbed?”
I really liked what they said about duty and fun both being parts of happiness. I found the discussion so moving and interesting. You may enjoy it too.
What else…well, I’m off to San Diego on Sunday, then on my family cruise to Baja, California next Wednesday. That meant I had to buy a new swimsuit. I’ve needed a new swimsuit for years, and have pretty much ignored the issue. The other day I braved a local department store and tried on suits. I will tell you that it was not pleasant. Yes, I’ve been lifting weights 5 days a week since November, I walk at least 6 days a week, I do yoga every day. But you wouldn’t know it to look at me, because I haven’t lost any weight at all and cellulite is real and so is menopause belly. I wasted some time regretting my diet choices for the last 6 months (well, let’s just say for my entire life, not just the last 6 months) and kind of hating myself. That’s not a good mindset for a fun vacation, is it? NO. I found an acceptable bathing suit, for almost $130, which would work. I bought it and brought it home and thought if I could find something better I would return it. I reminded myself that NO ONE cares about how I look. My cousins won’t care, strangers won’t care, no one will care. I mean, I will still care, but I will try to not care so much. I can just enjoy myself and swim in the glorious ocean off of Cabo San Lucas.
Then a couple of days later I went to our local DSW to see if they had any waterproof flip flops I could take with me for poolside time, since all I have is my nice leather sandals and I didn’t want to ruin those. After buying these cute shoes, I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods next door, and I found a swimsuit that makes me feel much better about myself. Yeah, the cellulite and menopause belly are still there. I don’t look 20, or 30, or 40. I don’t even look 50. Things are sagging like they didn’t used to, and I really miss estrogen. BUT, I like this suit a lot more, and it’s half the price of the other one, so I bought it, and I am a lot happier. I’m looking forward to sitting in the hot tub with my cousins, sitting on a deck chair reading a book, seeing a tiny bit of Mexico, all of it.
It’s been a while since there was a cat for me to care for at our local rescue, and now it is kitten season! These two (one playing, one hiding under the shelf) are a bonded pair, clearly litter mates, named Jason and Momoa. They’re adorable but very shy and afraid. I saw them on Wednesday, and was hoping to bring Maya to see them today, but they were adopted Thursday afternoon. A happy ending!
Speaking of kittens and cats, look at this adorable postcard that Stephany sent me!
Speaking of blogger friends and postcards, look at this lovely postcard that Birchie sent me from Muir Woods. Muir Woods is glorious and I’m so glad that she was able to go there.
Lastly, if you think I’m above laughing about Trump and Musk’s squabbling over the last few days, you would be wrong. Utterly stupid, entirely predictable, who knows what fresh Hell might come from it, but in the moment it’s just awesome. I’m looking forward to seeing what John Oliver and John Stewart and so on have to say. Ted says it’s just a distraction from the stupid Bill, and Musk trying to save Tesla, and he’s probably right, but I want to enjoy the idiocracy for now. Also, wouldn’t it be fitting if this meant the end of big money in politics? (AS IF)
(oops…I just meant to hit schedule and I hit publish and then I put it back to schedule, so if you get this as an email on Thursday but it’s not on my blog until Friday, that is why.)
37 Comments
PocoBrat
Funny how things can make us feel better. I’m glad your second swimsuit makes you feel more like yourself and Put you more in a vacation frame of mind to enjoy all the things…
What an exciting trip it promises to be!!
And such cute kitties!
J
Those kittens were so cute, I was looking forward to bringing Maya to see them. I assume more opportunities will present themselves.
AC
I’ve lived long now and ‘daylighted’ is absolutely new to me.
I understand the body issues very well. After losing weight, I am pretty flabby and saggy. I possibly looked better before in a way. Or possibly not. It’s probably been a long time since I looked good at all. Enjoy your cruise.
J
I had dinner a few weeks ago with a friend who has recently lost a lot of weight, and yes, the sag is real. I think you look handsome in your photos, both before and after weight loss, so there’s that.
Ally Bean
Now I know a new term *daylighted* and for once the term makes sense. With you about enjoying Musk and The Donald get petty about each other. Who saw that coming? Agree it may lead to even worse things but for now I laugh. Loudly.
Enjoy your vacay. Not jealous at all.
J
LOL on Elon and Trump. What asshats.
nance
I am not legitimizing Daylight as a verb. I don’t care who uses it or where it appears. That’s ridiculous and completely unnecessary. I’ll treat it with the same high dudgeon that I have for the jargony Onboarding. (Imagine me sniffing with derision and rolling my eyes, maybe even curling my lip a little, like a snooty Elvis.)
The random watermelon on your walk is completely charming me, like a Magritte painting or some sort of ultraModern art installation. What is it saying? Is it a commentary on waste? On hunger? On the brokenness of America?
Swimsuit shopping is brutal, and the menopot is dastardly. I’m glad you found a cheaper and happier suit to pack for your cruise. You’ll have a lovely time, and as you said, no one will care. Do you have a nice coverup and hat?
J
SNOOTY ELVIS FOR THE WIN. Thank you for supporting my disgust of the use of the word ‘daylight’ as a verb.
I love your interpretations of the watermelon, they are perfect. I was just thinking about Magritte the other day (because his paintings were a Connections category).
I have a nice hat, and am debating whether I need a nice coverup or not. When we go snorkeling, I plan to wear a rash guard and board shorts, as protection from the sun, so I likely won’t need one. But at the pool it might be nice…I have a couple of days in San Diego, so maybe my cousin and I will buy one. But they had a nice one for 50% off at Dicks, so maybe I’ll just go back there…
Suzanne
Your description of the body image stuff hits the nail right on the head for me. Excuse me, DAYLIGHTS my own feelings. No. I am not a prescriptivist, and I love the evolution of language and words, but NO. Why do we need “daylights” when “spotlights” is right there???? And much more apt, too, I think???? Anyway, I’m glad you found a good swimsuit. It’s so hard. It’s also so hard to keep the “no one cares what I look like” thing in mind, even though it’s true.
Your cruise sounds awesome and I hope you have a wonderful time!
J
Thank you Suzanne, for supporting me on both body image and language. I’m all for new words or a changing language, but ‘daylights’ is just wrong.
Rebecca Jo
Glad the kittens got adopted – hope they have happy homes.
That bench. Anytime I see any sort of memorial a family puts up – it just breaks my heart. Losing TWO members? I just cant fathom.
J
I know, it made me so sad to realize the connection between these two young men. So sad.
Margaret
I think Ted is right and that there are other unseen forces at work trying to manipulate us. I’m not a swimsuit fan either. I would really like to lose 20-30 pounds; I don’t know how I put it on except that it mostly happened after I quit running. 🙁 That may have boosted my metabolism but it sure wasn’t good for my knees. DAYLIGHTS? No, absolutely not!
Have a wonderful and relaxing trip!
J
Yeah, running is hard on the joints for sure. But great for burning calories!
ernie
Such a cute postcard. Blog frineds are lovely, and meeting them in person is so fun. Glad you guys got to do that. I read Birchie’s account and I fear that I missed your post on it, and I will back things up at some point. The broken open watermellon – huh? Such a sad thing for a family to lose two sons at two different times. Some families have so much to endure. It breaks my heart. On a lighter note- hooray for a cheaper and more satisfying bathing suit find. I have second hand excitment for your cruise.
J
I miss so many blog posts from my blog friends, don’t worry about catching up!
The watermelon was weird, but also yay, blog fodder!
Allison McCaskill
The grief thing is on point for me today particularly, since it is the fifth year anniversary of my mother-in-law’s death from lung cancer at an absurdly young age. I miss her terribly and still sort of forget that she’s not here anymore.
I love the description of the bathing suit – the best clothes obviously don’t make us any thinner or younger, they just make us feel fine about exactly what we are.
“Daylighted” reminds me of ‘well wishes’. Everyone seems to find “thank-you for the well wishes” acceptable, but it’s WRONG. You can ‘wish someone well’, and you can thank people ‘for the good wishes’, but NOT the well wishes unless they literally came from a wishing well. I will die on this hill!
J
Allison, I’m so sorry about your mother in law. I hate cancer, we’ve lost too many people to it, and it sucks.
Birchie
I’m Team Nope for daylights as a verb.
Yay for the Dick’s swimsuit! Comfortable clothes that make us feel good are out there, and they are fabulous. Sticking with things that don’t fit or buying “meh” stuff is not the answer.
Have fun on your cruise! I can’t wait to hear all about it.
J
Thanks Birchie! Yes, it was a relief to find a swimsuit that I felt better in.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
So happy you found a swimsuit that you like and feel better (if not good) in.
I might a very (to me) sexy swimsuit two years ago. The husband said I look great and I trust his judgent. I never wore it anywhee but the terrace though. I am not that brave (yet). Maybe this summer.
Anyways, I have no words for the idiots that run your country and unfortunately the world right now. I am just hoping this will not end in a disaster. When they switch opinions and loyalities this quickly… can we be even more doomed? Sigh.
That poem is really great. And sad. I saved it. Thanks for sahring.
J
Oh the idiots that are running my country! Agh. It’s exhausting, right?
Nicole MacPherson
OMG I forgot you were going on a cruise!!! J, you know I love a tankini and I bet that looks awesome on you. I hope you have a great time!
It is strange, isn’t it, that feeling that the world is on fire and then you look up and see a garden or what have you. It’s a strange feeling of dissonance. I get that a lot.
J
Yes, I really liked that podcast because it’s exactly how I feel sometimes. Everything is falling apart, isn’t this a lovely peach?
Elisabeth
I know it’s NOT funny, but this made me laugh: “Everything is falling apart, isn’t this a lovely peach?” If we only stare at the things falling apart, maybe no one will pick and enjoy the peaches. It’s such a delicate balance.
I never like wearing bathing suits. I find them dreadfully uncomfortable, I always get sunburns in weird places where I didn’t manage to get sunscreen, and I never feel cute. But it sounds like you found a winner. Hooray!
J
Elisabeth, I know, the thing with existential dread and real life beauty is a lot for our brains, isn’t it? I’m afraid that it makes it easier for people to put their heads in the sand and ignore everything. I’m all for mental self care, but some folks are so far buried they say, “Well, there will be another election, we’ll fix it then” which is true but also NOT TRUE. We need to stay on top of this shit and not wait before doing anything.
I’ve had a few really good bathing suits in my day, when I felt great, but it’s been a good 30 years now…
K @ TS
Daylights? No. Swimsuits that are not horrible. YES! Dicks for the win. I have not worn a swimsuit more than twice in the last four or five years. I usually swim when I am on a run or a hike and in that case, it is generally underoos or my shorts and sports bra. C’est la vie. I do own (and have with me) a swimsuit, but meh, what’s the difference really? I don’t go to fancy enough places that it is enforced. A cruise however, would be one of them I think!
I love the top meme and man oh man does it make me glad to have sold my house. Every repair was at least $1,000 (oh you want a tree trimmed? $1,600! You need a new water heater? $1,300! Woof). I feel rich now that I am not shelling out thousands a year on home repairs! Have fun in Mexico! Yay! I can’t wait to hear all about it!
J
Saving money on home repairs is huge, right?
Lisa’s Yarns
I’m glad you found a suit that you feel comfortable in! I loathe swimsuits but have to wear them fairly often since we are at pools and the beach often with the boys. I have 2 tankinis and both have boy shorts which is essential for me with all the crouching I do when with the boys. But gah the body stuff is rough. I am only 44 and am already noticing the menopause pooch. I think it was accelerated by being on prednisone for almost a year. Sigh.
That poor family. I can’t imagine losing a child, let alone 2! Losing a child is the absolute worst loss IMO.
J
I can see where a bathing suit would be important spending so much time at the pool. It used to be for me, too, and actually I used to swim a lot at our community pool for exercise, but it has been years since I have done that. I’m glad to have a suit now that fits right, it will help if I want to get in the pool at least.
Stephany
One of my mom’s really good friends when I was a kid lost both her sons to motorcycle accidents within 5 years of each other. Can you imagine?! And then her husband died not too long after her second son. The level of pain some people have to experience in this life is hard to understand.
I’m really glad you found a bathing suit you like! That’s so important. I’ve only recently figured out the type of swimsuit that feels flattering and makes me feel comfortable, and it makes those days at the pool/beach SO much better!
J
Life is so unfair, and dumps a lot on some people, right? I mean, we all go through our own stuff, but losing your kids and then your husband? UGH. My grandma lost her baby and then her husband when she was still in her 20s. And she outlived another husband, and then her remaining 3 kids. Not close together, but wow, that’s a lot. She was a Christian, and said that she prayed a lot about it, trying to understand WHY, not getting answers. She eventually decided that God didn’t listen to her prayers, which made me sad.
Jenny
Oh god… swimsuit shopping. I really like the one you got! It gave me hope that I could maybe, someday, possibly find a swimsuit I don’t hate on me. Since I don’t anticipate any swimming opportunities coming up, I won’t put myself through that right now. I would also remind you of something you told me when I was trying to decide on an outit for my son’s graduation… at this stage, we’re basically invisible. It’s really true, and actually very freeing. But… I still care. The bottom line is, i’m glad you found a suit you feel comfortable in- I hope you have a GREAT time.
I did laugh at the Musk thing for a while. But it’s just so, so stupid! Why is this “news?” How are these people our “leaders?” Whatever.
J
Thanks for the reminder Jenny! Yes, NO ONE cared what I looked like, I was truly invisible on this trip, which was GREAT.
Daria
Hi Julie, I’m crawling out of my hole. Sorry I’v been MIA from your blog for a while…
So much great stuff in this post. A water melon is hilarious… I wonder what happened?.. One of the most random things I’ve ever found on the street of my town is a bra lol or an a wheelchair, just abandoned.
Cabo San Lucas- that’s amazing. I have never been to Mexico, like, ever. Swim suit shoppoing is not my favorite at all. I usually buy online, kind of eye ball the size, and hope for the best. Also I make sure it’s returnable. But I feel like online is less painful for me. I prefer a one piece with whimsical details or a nice pattern.
J
Hi Daria! I’m crawling out of my vacation hole now, thinking about my vacation wrap up but also thinking of getting by to visit everyone and see what they’ve been up to. I know about your dad, and I’m so sorry, hoping you will be with him soon and that he has a smooth recovery.
coco
swimsuit buying is a nightmare for every woman in the planet, i’m sure!!! glad you found one that you like and feel comfortable. you are so right that people who care about you won’t care about how you look.
the kitten postcard is soooo cute!!!