Friday Randomness
This week was the first in which, for at least part of the week, I was home while Ted was at work and Maya was at school. I don’t think this has ever happened to me before, when I wasn’t working. It seems like it should be similar to while I was working, but nope, it isn’t. At least not yet. The biggest difference is the freedom that I feel. On Wednesday, instead of working, I cleaned, I went to the grocery store, I took out the recycling, I gathered our tax information together, and I went to a movie. I really enjoyed the whole day. And when I picked Maya up from school, and she said we had to make a recipe for her to bring to school on Thursday, I didn’t have to say, “OK, but it will have to wait until after I finish my work.” I’m telling you, if it weren’t for the not getting paid part, I might not ever go back to work.
But the not getting paid part is kind of big, so I also spent time working on my resume, emailing contacts about possible jobs that they might know about, that kind of thing. There are a couple of possibilities. The thing is, nothing really excites me. My step mom told me to take this opportunity to really visualize what I might want to do. Think about what going to the perfect job would feel like, would look like, would smell like. And I don’t know. I’ve tried. Even my pony farm/library combo, I’m just not sure about. And really, the chances of getting a job at a pony farm/library are pretty slim. 😉
A year ago on Monday (16th), my mom left her apartment to go to breakfast with her friends, and never came home. She never saw her cats again, who she loved immensely. She lost so much that day. Her independence, her home, her friends in Alaska. It’s been a hard week in some ways, thinking of that. Of course, she had lost her health before that. She told me that she had felt very isolated that winter, because even though she was invited to go places, she never really had the energy or strength to go. She spent time wondering how she got to be 85 before she got to be 66. Sigh.
Oh, good news. Maya got contact lenses on Tuesday. Her eyesight has been getting worse these last few years, but never quite so that she had to wear glasses all day. She had an appointment on Tuesday, and they said it was time, either glasses all day, or contact lenses. She is loving them. All of you who have them can probably attest to the first time you go outside and realize how much you’ve been missing. The leaves on the trees. The individual blades of grass. She saw these things before, I’m sure, but just in that out of focus kind of way, and now that they are in sharp focus, she’s really enjoying it. Getting them in and out of her eyes, she’s not enjoying so much. But she’ll get used to that, I’m sure.
I’m reading a book now, “The Elegance of the Hedgehog”, which I’m really, really enjoying. It was recommended by my late bloggy friend, Dewey, and I’m so glad she suggested it.
9 Comments
joan
Hang in there. This will all work out eventually.
Autumn's Mom
Today is one of those days I wish I was happily unemployed. (Meaning, we were partners in the pony farm/library, living off the residuals.) I’ve been feeling the spring cleaning kind of feeling and today would have been the perfect day for that. I’m hoping I feel the same way tomorrow.
It’s hard to relive those old memories (that feel not so old) when their anniversaries roll around. I hope the pain lessens each time you think of it. She wouldn’t want you to dwell on it, though I’m sure she knows…sometimes we just can’t help it. xoxo
Cherry
I really hope you are able to find what you really want to do. THAT is probably harder then actually making it happen. I know the whole getting paid part and money concerns makes it harder to take that time to explore the possibilities. Try though.
I still get choked up when I think of your mom not getting to say goodbye to her life in Alaska, so I can only imagine what you may feel. Like Dot, I hope each year these times are easier for you to think about.
As for Maya and the contacts! I think it is so cool that she is getting to see all that she hadn’t seen since her eyes started getting worse. I still go a few days with my glasses and then put in my contacts and am amazed how much better I really see with them. When I first started wearing them I had to get up 30 minutes early to allow for all of the fumbling that I’d go through to get those things in my eyes. If I didn’t start the process by a certain time, I knew I was going to be late or I would have to wear my glasses.
Enjoy this time as much as you can right now!
Linda Atkins
That was a terrible, terrible day, that day your mother went out to breakfast with her friends and never went home. I’m so sorry, Julie. I know there are a lot of sad anniversaries to come in the next couple of months. We’re with you.
KelliAmanda
Hard to believe it’s been a year since your mom had to go to the hospital. I can’t imagine how it must feel for you. Anniversaries can be so hard sometimes.
Crossing my fingers for you that you will find the right thing to do at the right time. Crossing my fingers for all of us that life will get easier soon…
Nance
The pay thing…that’s always the speed bump, isn’t it? I maintain that we should be able to get a stipend of some sort to stay at home and simply be wonderful!
(un)relaxeddad
Anniversaries are so difficult.
The work thing is tough as well – it just niggles, no matter how much fun you’re having at a given moment (I know – been there a few times). But the right thing always came along and it will for you.
C @ www.lifeonmanitoulin.blogspot.com
Just reading the part about your mom really makes the heart hurt. Some anniversaries can be so joyous, where as others just remind us of how very sad or painful things were/are for us. Ummm…okay, that was totally NOT a profound statement! I’m tired, can you tell? LOL!
As for Maya’s contacts…that’s so cool! I always wanted to get contacts because I HATE glasses (so cumbersome!). The only problem is that I can’t seem to put anything near my eyeballs without cringing! ;p
Hugs for all of you guys! XOXO
Ted
Instead of “Friday Randomness,” this post should be called “Big Transitions” ’cause that’s what’s going on right now — and, as you note, not all of it is good.