Christmas thoughts…

For years, Maya wanted to make a gingerbread house. She would ask, and I would think about the mess, the candy, my lack of crafty skills, the mess, and the what-does-one-do-with-it-after aspect, and say, hmmm….maybe. But never get around to it. A local supermarket has gingerbread house parties, where you can come and pay to make one there, which seemed a perfect solution to me, but I could never seem to get there and sign her up in time. By the time I found out about the party, it was either fully booked or fully over. So I would think, maybe next year, and feel a twinge guilty for not being the type of mom to bake the components and put it all together for her, or at least buy one of those kits with pre-made gingerbread parts, where you just glue them together and decorate. I’m just not crafty. I don’t know why.

So this year, in her Freshman year of High School, Maya was invited to her friend’s house for a cookie exchange/gingerbread house decorating party. She made fudge (no nuts) to share, and went and had a great time, and came home with a beautiful gingerbread house. And I had a thought, which is that we cannot and should not try to be all things to our child, that we should not have as our goal to make every magical memory for them. It’s exhausting, and sometimes they will get to have those magical memories outside of our sphere, with friends or family or someone who isn’t us. And that’s a good thing.

Which got me to thinking about gifts. I was remembering a couple I used to know, how when they had finished all of their shopping, gotten their children the things on their list plus a few others, decided that there was no ‘WOW’ gift for them under the tree, nothing to make the day truly magical and wonderful, and so they went out and spent a couple of hundred dollars on a pool table. I don’t know if the kids enjoyed the pool table or not, but the reasoning behind the purchase always struck me. When did Christmas get to be so focused on making our children’s every wish come true, and then some? It seems like we are confused as to what we want from our kids. We want children who are happy with the simple things, like Laura Ingalls when Mr. Edwards walked from town 14 miles away (40 miles in the book, and you can read about the discrepancy here, and gosh, I’ve never even walked 14 miles in one day, so I’m still mighty impressed) to bring them a penny, a tin cup, and a piece of candy. But we also want kids to be blown away by the overwhelming awesomeness of our gift, like these kids are. And perhaps these aren’t different desires, to be able to give our children something that they will enjoy and be grateful for on Christmas, whether it’s a game console or a tin cup. But somehow, I think seeking that ‘WOW’ factor is a part of where the after Christmas let down that so many people feel comes from. So much anticipation, that probably nothing we might give them can measure up, and there they stand in a pile of gifts and shredded wrapping paper with a look on their face that seems to say, “that’s it?”. Perhaps we need to find a way to make the focus of the holiday about something other than gift giving. If you’re religious, you can make it about Church and Jesus, and if you’re secular, you can make it about family and love. You can make it about charity and caring, like Scrooge learned from his 3 ghosts.

I’m not sure exactly what I’m trying to say here. Merry Christmas to all of my bloggy friends, and I hope that your holiday is everything you wish for.