Family
-
Yesterday
Yesterday I went to Sacramento, to go through mom’s things. Thankfully, Richard and Kathy had gone through her things up in Alaska already, and only packed what they thought she would really want or need down here.  It’s so expensive to move things from Alaska, that it didn’t make sense to ship furniture and so on…so it’s just personal stuff and books. It was nice going through her things, seeing familiar items that I grew up with. I found her photo albums, which was the thing I most wanted to have. I found her kaleidoscope collection, which I also wanted. I didn’t get through everything, though, because it was HOT…
-
Birthdays…
Traditionally, I am very punctual when it comes to birthdays. If you’re going to get a card or a gift from me (and not everyone does, don’t be hurt…remember, I’m poor), you’ll get it on time. For some reason, I have a weird gift for remembering birthdays, and it’s important to me that people know that I love them and was thinking of them. I would like to brag about this gift and be especially proud of it, but that’s like being proud of having green/brown eyes, or long fingers, or moles. It’s just how I’m made. I don’t have to work at it. At all. However, it seems like…
-
Dinner with the Atheists
The other night, for some reason, we got to talking about saying grace at the dinner table, and how it is often just saying thank you to God for the nourishment and the family, and leaving it at that. I was reminded of a post on my mom’s blog that I came across the other day. It’s a long post, and well worth reading, but the part I remembered was about hearing grace as a child, and how different it was from just, ‘thanks for the food’: At meals with my great-grandfather, he always said grace and always blessed at least the farmer and the cook. Sometimes he would list…
-
Sheila
Today is Ted’s mom’s birthday. Her name is Susheela, but back home in Guyana, she was often called ‘Sheila’. Happy Birthday Ma! This song is called “Sea Lion Woman”, and they say ‘sea lion’ a lot, but when I listen to it, it sounds like they’re saying, “Sheila”, and it sounds like a party to me. So, let’s have some Veuve Cliquout (Ma’s favorite champagne), and let’s dance to “Sea Lion Woman”, OK? 🙂
-
Home Again
(photo found here) Monday morning, and the vacation was, as most vacations are, all too brief. Now there’s laundry to be done, groceries to shop for, library books to return, and prescriptions to pick up. Back to the old grind, as they say. But it was a great week. I would say that the high point of the week was Thursday. When we went kayaking on Tuesday, we mentioned to our guide that we really liked the snorkeling, and he suggested that we might enjoy the snorkeling at Shark’s Cove. So on Thursday, we rented a convertible and drove up to the North Shore of the Island, to Pupukea. Isn’t…
-
Hawaii Update
(photo found here) Hi Everyone, It’s Tuesday afternoon now…we had an AWESOME day today. We got up early and went on a kayaking tour, which meant kayaking out about a mile in the ocean to a little bird sanctuary in Kailua Bay, getting a short lecture on the formation of the Hawaiian Islands (interesting!), lunch and a swim, then kayaking down to a wonderful beach, where we did some snorkeling, and saw lots of beautiful fish. I have the say, the area that we were at today was SO MUCH nicer than the super-crowded Waikiki beach, which is closer to where we’re staying in Honolulu. It wasn’t crowded, the sand…
-
Vacation
It’s 7:15 on Monday morning, and Ted and Maya are still asleep. But my body thinks it’s after 10:00, and can’t sleep anymore. Besides, there’s a woman outside in the common area of our condo with a really loud, weird laugh. 🙂 We arrived in Honolulu at about 11:30 yesterday morning, and within a few hours we: Rode in a limo (same price as a taxi, so why not?) Ate mahi-mahi for lunch (Maya had a cheese quesadilla, Ted had an Ahi wrap) Swam in the ocean (forgot to put on sunscreen, so it was a short visit to the beach. Don’t worry, I’ll be smarter today.) Relaxed in the…
-
Two Weeks
It’s been two weeks now since my mom died. Two weeks. It’s hard for me to believe sometimes. Everyone wants to know how I’m doing, everyone wants to help me get through this. Which I appreciate. I want to get through this, too. Two weeks ago, I felt hollow, I sobbed rather than cried, and I wasn’t sure that having Maya had been a good idea, since someday, when I die, she would have to go through this horrible pain. To quote a quote within The Year of Magical Thinking, that immediate grief feels like “sensations of somatic distress occurring in waves lasting from twenty minutes to an hour at…
-
Reading in Grief
V-Grrrl mentioned in her comment that when her parents died (within 6 weeks of each other! God, Dad, be careful!), she had to put all photos of them away, couldn’t drive past their house, couldn’t bear to be reminded. Not that doing these things helped her to forget, I don’t think anything could do that…but she was too raw to cope otherwise. Which made me think of the different ways that people grieve. My uncle made me a lovely collage of photos of my mom, and I find comfort in looking at it. None of the pictures are of her when she was sick, they’re all of her in her…
-
Uh Oh…
I’m not sure what brought this on, but we’re all in trouble now. My brother has a blog.
-
Mom Weekend
(My uncle put this collage together for me, and one for my Grandma, and one for my brother.) Did you know that a week on vacation in Hawaii lasts about 15 minutes, while the week between the death of your mother, and her services, lasts about 15 years? That’s how last week felt, at least. Somewhat surreal. Lots of down time, but just overwhelmed by sadness. A good day, followed by a very bad day, followed by a good day. Just a hard week overall. I certainly wouldn’t say that I’m glad that Ted lost his job a few weeks ago, but it has been very helpful to have him…
-
Mom’s obit
Joycelyn Ward April 23, 1942 – June 15, 2008 We mourn the loss of Lilith Joycelyn Ward. She leaves behind her daughter, Julie, her son, Richard, her brother, Forrest, her sister Lori, her mother, Virginia, her Aunt Florence, and her many nieces and nephews, and their children. And of course, she was Maya’s Granny. Joycelyn was born in Oakland, CA, and moved a great deal in her lifetime. She lived in California for much of her life, most recently in Sacramento and Citrus Heights, but also spent many years in Stockton and Berkeley. She lived in Juneau, Alaska from 1993 until February of this year. She devoted much of her…
-
I had a dream
Art by my brother, Richard Ward. I had a dream the other night. We decided to take my mom off of all of her meds, not just her antidepressants, and she got out of bed and was walking, walking like I haven’t seen her walk in about 25 years. Fast and with a spring in her step. She looked much younger, too…perhaps about 40 years old. She had her hair in two long red braids, and was wearing a tie-dye dress and looked so happy. Carefree and healthy and in her prime. Then I woke up, and for the briefest second, I was truly happy for her. Then it hit…
-
What Is Love?
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=v6nB71tqgB8[/youtube] Last night in yoga class, I was tied up in my own world and thoughts and pose, and then I looked over at Maya next to me, all twisty herself, and I thought, “child, no one will ever love you the way I do…”. And then, when my brain was supposed to be empty, or at least focusing on the pose, I drifted off into thinking about the different types of love. I mean, no one will ever love a child like their parents. No one. And perhaps mother’s love is different from a father’s love as well. And, no one will ever love a parent like their children. …
-
Why Do I Love These People?
Back in February, my dad sent my sisters and me copies of this book, Why Do I Love These People, by Po Bronson. He had read it, and thought it was a valuable collection of stories that we might all enjoy, and perhaps gain something from. The stories are those of families, and how they overcome difficulties in their lives, and come out of hard times closer together than they were before. Some of the stories related to dealing with parents, others to spouses, and still others, children or siblings. Some to all of the above. What struck me the most about the stories in this book was a theme…