Family
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Hawaii Update
(photo found here) Hi Everyone, It’s Tuesday afternoon now…we had an AWESOME day today. We got up early and went on a kayaking tour, which meant kayaking out about a mile in the ocean to a little bird sanctuary in Kailua Bay, getting a short lecture on the formation of the Hawaiian Islands (interesting!), lunch and a swim, then kayaking down to a wonderful beach, where we did some snorkeling, and saw lots of beautiful fish. I have the say, the area that we were at today was SO MUCH nicer than the super-crowded Waikiki beach, which is closer to where we’re staying in Honolulu. It wasn’t crowded, the sand…
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Vacation
It’s 7:15 on Monday morning, and Ted and Maya are still asleep. But my body thinks it’s after 10:00, and can’t sleep anymore. Besides, there’s a woman outside in the common area of our condo with a really loud, weird laugh. 🙂 We arrived in Honolulu at about 11:30 yesterday morning, and within a few hours we: Rode in a limo (same price as a taxi, so why not?) Ate mahi-mahi for lunch (Maya had a cheese quesadilla, Ted had an Ahi wrap) Swam in the ocean (forgot to put on sunscreen, so it was a short visit to the beach. Don’t worry, I’ll be smarter today.) Relaxed in the…
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Two Weeks
It’s been two weeks now since my mom died. Two weeks. It’s hard for me to believe sometimes. Everyone wants to know how I’m doing, everyone wants to help me get through this. Which I appreciate. I want to get through this, too. Two weeks ago, I felt hollow, I sobbed rather than cried, and I wasn’t sure that having Maya had been a good idea, since someday, when I die, she would have to go through this horrible pain. To quote a quote within The Year of Magical Thinking, that immediate grief feels like “sensations of somatic distress occurring in waves lasting from twenty minutes to an hour at…
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Reading in Grief
V-Grrrl mentioned in her comment that when her parents died (within 6 weeks of each other! God, Dad, be careful!), she had to put all photos of them away, couldn’t drive past their house, couldn’t bear to be reminded. Not that doing these things helped her to forget, I don’t think anything could do that…but she was too raw to cope otherwise. Which made me think of the different ways that people grieve. My uncle made me a lovely collage of photos of my mom, and I find comfort in looking at it. None of the pictures are of her when she was sick, they’re all of her in her…
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Uh Oh…
I’m not sure what brought this on, but we’re all in trouble now. My brother has a blog.
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Mom Weekend
(My uncle put this collage together for me, and one for my Grandma, and one for my brother.) Did you know that a week on vacation in Hawaii lasts about 15 minutes, while the week between the death of your mother, and her services, lasts about 15 years? That’s how last week felt, at least. Somewhat surreal. Lots of down time, but just overwhelmed by sadness. A good day, followed by a very bad day, followed by a good day. Just a hard week overall. I certainly wouldn’t say that I’m glad that Ted lost his job a few weeks ago, but it has been very helpful to have him…
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Mom’s obit
Joycelyn Ward April 23, 1942 – June 15, 2008 We mourn the loss of Lilith Joycelyn Ward. She leaves behind her daughter, Julie, her son, Richard, her brother, Forrest, her sister Lori, her mother, Virginia, her Aunt Florence, and her many nieces and nephews, and their children. And of course, she was Maya’s Granny. Joycelyn was born in Oakland, CA, and moved a great deal in her lifetime. She lived in California for much of her life, most recently in Sacramento and Citrus Heights, but also spent many years in Stockton and Berkeley. She lived in Juneau, Alaska from 1993 until February of this year. She devoted much of her…
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I had a dream
Art by my brother, Richard Ward. I had a dream the other night. We decided to take my mom off of all of her meds, not just her antidepressants, and she got out of bed and was walking, walking like I haven’t seen her walk in about 25 years. Fast and with a spring in her step. She looked much younger, too…perhaps about 40 years old. She had her hair in two long red braids, and was wearing a tie-dye dress and looked so happy. Carefree and healthy and in her prime. Then I woke up, and for the briefest second, I was truly happy for her. Then it hit…
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What Is Love?
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=v6nB71tqgB8[/youtube] Last night in yoga class, I was tied up in my own world and thoughts and pose, and then I looked over at Maya next to me, all twisty herself, and I thought, “child, no one will ever love you the way I do…”. And then, when my brain was supposed to be empty, or at least focusing on the pose, I drifted off into thinking about the different types of love. I mean, no one will ever love a child like their parents. No one. And perhaps mother’s love is different from a father’s love as well. And, no one will ever love a parent like their children. …
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Why Do I Love These People?
Back in February, my dad sent my sisters and me copies of this book, Why Do I Love These People, by Po Bronson. He had read it, and thought it was a valuable collection of stories that we might all enjoy, and perhaps gain something from. The stories are those of families, and how they overcome difficulties in their lives, and come out of hard times closer together than they were before. Some of the stories related to dealing with parents, others to spouses, and still others, children or siblings. Some to all of the above. What struck me the most about the stories in this book was a theme…
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Go Big Brown!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoFquax2F-k[/youtube] This video is of Secretariat, who won the Belmont Stakes, and the Triple Crown, in 1973. Even if you’re not into horse racing, this is an amazing horse race to watch. Watch him make all of the other horses look like they’re standing still, as he goes on to win one of the most difficult flat races for 3 year olds in record time (still unbeaten), and make it look EASY. The Triple Crown is within reach of Big Brown, but just because he’s won the first two races does not mean he’ll win today’s Belmont. 11 horses have won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, and then failed to…
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Year of the
RatTurdWoke up 3 times last night. Twice by small earthquakes, then a phone call that said mom fell last night on the way back to bed from the bathroom, and hurt her neck. They’re sending her back to the hospital. Sigh. (And another grumpy thought…I haven’t even spoken to a single woman who could bring herself to vote for Hillary (besides a few family members) so what’s this stupid talk about Obama needs to heal rift with women? Idiot press. Most people I’ve talked to say, they’re so similar on the issues, they would vote either way. And then the campaign turned a lot of people off to her. So…
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13 Ways to Beat Stress
You will all be relieved to know that I’m doing much better lately. There is, of course, still worry, but I feel like I’m doing a bit better as far as the stress level goes. I had my first therapy session on Tuesday, and the therapist told me that she thinks I’m doing pretty well, and gave me a few tips to help me to cope. As a favor to any of my readers out there who might be stressed as well, I’ll make a Thursday 13 out of a combination of tips she had for me, and things I’m already doing, which she agreed would be helpful. Keep a…
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My Therapy
What if these last practically three months in hospitals and care facilities and confusion have taken too much of a toll on my mom? What if she’s too far gone down the road of depression, and no amount of encouragement, no words of love and support, no gifts or even medications, can bring her back to the point where she’s willing to fight the good fight, the fight that must be fought, and fought by her, to eat and move and get well again? What if she’s given up, without realizing that that’s what she’s done? And what if that struggle, that giving up by her mind and the not…
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Apparently, I’m Stressed
Seems like these last few months are taking their toll on me, and my mom’s latest setback has thrown my stress into full gear. She had a horrid reaction to the Prozac (duh), in that it made her paranoid. She thought she had been kidnapped, and that people were trying to kill her. That wouldn’t be horridly stressful, since I’ve seen this before (far too recently, with the Paxil), and I know the answer is to change the meds. Except that gosh, she hasn’t eaten more than a few bites of anything in a few months, and she isn’t motivated to get up and move like she needs to. Her…