Birthday Girls
Today my mom would have been 83, had she not died too young at the age of 66 in 2008. Today my Great Aunt Flo would have been 101, had she not died at the ripe old age of 100 last year.
This is my mom when she was a little girl, with her Shirley Temple curls in her red hair.
And here she is in college. She went to UC Berkeley, though she dropped out for a while. After she married, had my brother (six days after getting married), had me, and got divorced (I think her divorce became final on my day of birth, but I’m not 100% on that) – after all of that, she went back to school and finished her degree, then went on to get her Montessori training so she could teach, and many years later she earned her Masters degree.
This is my Great Aunt Flo, the baby on the left, along with my Grandma, the older baby on the right, and their parents. I feel like the expressions on their faces is exactly right and pretty much never changed.
This is Aunt Flo at my mom’s house, the first Christmas I was in college. She’s at my mom’s house, and it looks like she broke her thumb or something. She’s 63, which always seemed really old to me, but not so much now that I’m inching up toward 60. She went grey really early, I think she had this beautiful white hair in her 40s. I’ve never known her any other way.
My mom had a blog, which is still up and running all these years after she died, and you can read a lovely post she wrote about Aunt Flo here. I haven’t read this post in several years, and I’m really glad I went back and read it now. I didn’t realize how much Aunt Flo helped our family, financially. I knew that she devoted herself to caring for family, lived with her cousin, then her parents, then her sister. When my Grandma died, Aunt Flo, then 92, said, “Who am I going to take care of now?” She was widowed in 1961, after 11 years of marriage. She never had children of her own, and 2 of her 3 step-daughters married very young and moved out soon after her marriage. She did help raise the youngest.
I don’t really understand the thought process she went through, but she was very attached to ‘her’ side of the family, and not as much to her husband’s side of the family. So there were many years when she didn’t see her step-daughters at all, nor their kids. Nonetheless, her granddaughter Debbie took charge and took very good care of her once my Grandma was gone.
Along those same lines, my Grandmother married my Grandfather when she was 18, a few weeks before she graduated from High School. He was 9 years older and divorced, and had 2 kids from his first marriage, Chuck and Lori. I was in touch with my Aunt Lori via email about 20 years ago, and she said once her mom remarried, they were adopted by their stepfather and really didn’t see their dad or his side of the family anymore. My Grandfather, Roland, and my Grandma had 3 children. My mom, my uncle Roland, who died as an infant, and my uncle Forrest. After my grandfather died when my mom was about 6, my grandma remarried, and again, they didn’t see their grandparents on that side of the family anymore. Strange. My Grandfather’s full name was Roland Charles. My uncle Chuck’s full name was Roland Charles. And the baby who died was Roland Charles. So my Grandfather had 2 sons with the same name. Is that weird, or what? Maybe he thought that since the other child, Chuck, had been adopted by his stepfather and taken that last name, he wanted another son with his last name. This is getting complicated, isn’t it? This isn’t the post I wanted to write, anyway. So back to it.
My mom was a wonderful mother. She worked so hard for us, and said her favorite time of her life was when we were little, and she was living with us in Berkeley or other Bay Area towns (we moved a lot). She loved being a mom. When I was very young, we lived in the Bay Area, and then we moved to a homestead outside of Fairbanks, Alaska. We lived there for a bit, then moved in to town and lived there for a few years. After 5 years in Alaska, we moved back to California, to Stockton, where my Grandma and Grandpa lived. After I moved to San Francisco for college, my mom and my brother moved to Sacramento. They lived there for several years, and eventually my mom got tired of only being able to find a job as a secretary despite her Masters degree, so she moved to Juneau, Alaska where she was able to find work helping families at risk of losing their children due to poor parenting, through Catholic Charities. She did a lot of training and home visits. Her passion her entire life was children. She was a Montessori teacher, she worked with Big Brothers/Big Sisters, she taught parenting. None of these jobs paid well, as previously discussed. It would have been better if she had a wealthy husband like Aunt Flo.
I miss them both so much. I wish my mom could see what a wonderful woman Maya has become. I wish I could tell her my joys and sorrows, and she could advise me. Heck, I even wish she could bore me to tears telling me about two of her favorite TV shows, Foyles War and The Big Bang Theory.
Happy Birthday to them both. I was so lucky to have them. I wanted to share a picture from Aunt Flo’s wedding album…she was married on her 26th birthday, my mom’s 8th birthday, and my mom was her flower girl. The pictures are great, but I don’t have them and asked too late. Hopefully Debbie will send me one, and I’ll share it with you next year.
36 Comments
Elisabeth
How lovely to have a legacy of such brave, strong, beautiful women. And I had no idea you mom had a blog. Maya’s Granny!!! All the warm fuzzies for that <3
J
I loved that my mom had a blog, it was really wonderful that we had that in common. It’s a different conversation than we had had before, and we learned a lot about each other. I still go read it sometiemes.
AC
This will be a useful post to have in the archives for family to access for information.
J
Oh goodness, maybe. 🙂
PocoBrat
I went down a rabbit hole reading your Mom’s stories, J. Papa Bear 🙂 “likely to be late to her wedding and miss her funeral…” The language is so memorable…
How lucky you are to have had these wonderful people in your life–I wish we didn’t have to lose the ones we love.
Your mom is beautiful, J–and you look so much like her!!
J
Thank you Maya! I do consider myself very fortunate to have had these wonderful women in my life.
Ally Bean
It was through your Mom’s blog that I met you. I don’t know how I knew about her, but I did.
From your family history: I’m in awe of your grandmother marrying “a few weeks before she graduated from High School.” Different times, different priorities. Also smiling about Aunt Flo being old at age 63! Again different times, different realities.
J
I knew you knew my mom’s blog, I don’t think I knew that you knew her before me. Interesting!
NGS
I’m positive they would be proud of both you and Maya and all that you have done! Great women love to see other great women succeed!
J
Aww, thank you. And you’re right.
Alexandra
What a wonderful story, and legacy, and all those heartwarming memories to remind you of the people you loved, and loved you. I too miss my parents, but mostly, I miss my mum.
J
Sigh. There’s something about losing your mom that is just so HARD. I mean, why does that have to happen?
Alexandra
We wish they could live forever. I lost mum just before her 74th birthday.
J
Sigh. Still too young. That was my father’s age when he died. I miss them both so much.
Alexandra
I couldn’t agree more. My dad dies aged 68, from cancer. He put up a good fight, but in the end, it was a relief when he passed.
Nicole MacPherson
This is going to sound really flakey, but wow, your mom and your Aunt Flo were total babes! Holy moley talk about beautiful women. I guess it runs in your family!!
Your mom died so young! She sounds like she was an amazing woman. I’m so happy you had her for the time that you did, even if it was too short.
I have a lot of relatives who have similar thought processes to your Aunt Flo and I also do not understand it. However, she seems like a really lovely woman with a lovely long life. I am sure you miss them both tremendously.
J
Thank you Nicole! Yes, I miss them both a lot. And yeah, my mom died way too young. She had a lot of health issues, whereas my Great Aunt had none. I think she took a pill once a month or something for osteoporosis, that’s it.
Sarah Jedd
I used to read your mom’s blog back in the day– no idea how I found it, but I found you through it at the dawn of blogging. Loved reading the post you linked.
J
Wait, WHAT? We were blog friends before SAN’s NABLOPOMO brought us together? I don’t remember your blog from back then! Were you a lurker? Or is it my memory?
Margaret
Aunt Flo is gorgeous! What lovely memories of your mom and I too adore Foyle’s War. Families are complicated indeed. There are certainly many twists and turns in mine; some of them I blog about, others I don’t.
J
Yeah, not everything belongs on the blog. For my mom, she had her blog friends and wanted them all to know how she was doing, so her final illness was an open book. It was cathartic and helpful to have that support.
Sarah
I lurked and then lost touch and then found you again
J
LOL, SO COOL!
Lisa’s Yarns
Wow there is such a strong resemblance between you and your mom! Both your mom and aunt sound like extremely strong women – just like you! It is interesting to think of losing touch with a side of a family. My brother is divorced and I am staying in close touch with his ex wife, and partially that is because it’s the best way to make sure I stay in the lives of my nieces as they get older! I feel like the mom has a lot of control over that.
J
Thanks Lisa, I am glad you are staying in touch with your ex SIL and your nieces. It’s important!
Noemi
Thank you for sharing your mom and great aunt with us. It was lovely to get to know them. They were clearly strong women who cared for many people and achieved great things.
J
Thanks Noemi!
Birchie
Happy Birthday to your mom and Aunt Flo! Thanks for sharing these wonderful women with us <3
J
Thanks Birchie!
nance
Your mother seems fearless to me. She wasn’t afraid to Move On when she felt the times required it. What a tremendous spirit both those women had.
Their independence and purpose gave them such a spark. It shows in their beauty as well. I know they were both so proud of you, and you honor them with the way you live your life.
J
Thank you Nance, I don’t know that my mom was fearless, but she sure seemed that way to me as well. And once she decided on a course of action, she was all in. When she decided that we were leaving Alaska and moving to California, Richard and I were on a plane within a few days. She sent us ahead to stay with our grandparents, and stayed behind to wrap things up there. I am sure she dithered on decisions at different points in her life (I know she struggled a lot when she decided to bring my father into our lives when I was 21, which was nothing at all to do with him and everything to do with abuse she had suffered from her step-father while growing up), but boy, I never saw that dithering. I, however, am an expert in the dither.
Ernie
Happy heavenly birthday to your mom and Aunt Flo. Both your mom and your aunt sound amazing. I love that your mom had such a gift for helping those in need of a better parenting example. Your mom was so hard working. I look forward to reading her blog post – I think I’ll have some down time between Curly’s games this weekend. I’ve got a few hectic days ahead, but soon enough I’ll enjoy having some me time in a quiet hotel room. Thanks for sharing these stories. Your ‘this isn’t the post I intended to write’ – that resonated with me. Big time. 😉
J
Thanks Ernie! I hope you enjoy some quiet alone time. You spend so much time caring for children, yours and those of your clients, I’m sure that quiet alone time feels precious.
Tobia | craftaliciousme
What a lovely tribute. Thank you for sharing it.
I dont want to think what it feels like not having my mom around.
And that reminds me I need to call her. I haven’t heard from her in three weeks – due to vacation – and house guest.
J
Yeah, losing your parents is HARD. I wish I could talk to my mom today.
Tamara
What fascinating ladies – I can see why you miss them! Thanks for sharing these photos and a bit of the story behind them. Now that I’m older, I’m struck by how little I actually know about family members and at the same time, how I can now understand things that before were mysterious.