Admiration

June 28, 2007 /

AdmirationArtwork by blueskysunburn

I just started a summer read type book, The Sunday Wife, by Cassandra King. It’s the story of the wife of an up & coming preacher in small town Florida, who is strongly influenced by her friendship with one of the more powerful women in town, Augusta. Early on in the book, Augusta is reading from a book that the preacher husband has written. There’s a section of advice to women on how to keep their husbands happy.

He longs for your praise and admiration more than anything. Brag on his accomplishments, tell him how much you admire him, and watch how he responds. Give him your complete devotion and I can promise you, you will have a happy home.

Augusta goes on to gag and throw the book in the trash. And perhaps with good reason, because at this early point in the book, we have only seen the husband act condescendingly and coldly toward his wife, so why should she admire him?

And yet…isn’t this what we all want, ESPECIALLY from a spouse, but also from a parent, a friend, a child? Someone who believes in us unconditionally, who is on our side and admires us? And truthfully, whom we can admire and stand by wholeheartedly? I don’t think this sort of thing should be faked. A person needs to earn the respect they receive. But if you’ve married carefully, you end up with someone that you can honestly give your admiration to, and who will admire you as well.

I’ll let you know how it turns out, but so far, not looking so great for the preacher man. For him it’s a one way street, she admires, he’s admired, end of story. That’s not going to last, I’m guessing. And since I know that phrase, preacher man, does us all in, and now you’re singing in your head, here it is, Son of a Preacher Man. You’re welcome.

8 Comments

  • Py Korry

    June 28, 2007 at 6:05 am

    Sounds like the relationship in the book is pretty much doomed — unless the preacher can change. However, given that he seems to only want admiration, it’s doesn’t seem likely that he’ll change.

  • Ml

    June 28, 2007 at 6:24 am

    Perhaps he’s a jackass because he’s never had that type of treatment in his life. Either way, it would be hard to treat someone like that in a good way.

    Enjoy your book! And yes, that song did go through my mind as I was reading your post.

  • ally bean

    June 28, 2007 at 6:53 am

    Wow! There’s an approach to marriage that I hadn’t thought of before. Be insincere and the relationship will thrive? I don’t think so.

  • Maya's Granny

    June 28, 2007 at 8:42 am

    I’ve read that while everyone wants to be admired and understood, men need a little more admiration and women a little more understanding. But, if you are too busy going for what you need, you can lose sight of what the other person needs. I hope the Preacher Man figures it out.

  • Joan

    June 28, 2007 at 12:31 pm

    I’ve read that book. Cassandra King’s husband is Pat Conroy – a well known author (Prince of Tides). My friend went to a book/dinner signing for one of Cassandra’s book. They shared a dessert. Unfortunately it’s been a while and I can’t remember much about The Sunday Wife.