One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
(photo via wiccked’s flickr photostream)
I spent much of yesterday in Carmichael, CA, up near Sacramento, getting mom discharged from the hospital, and admitted into another extended care facility. The doctor said she is much better, physically, but he diagnosed her with major depression. I wouldn’t disagree with that diagnosis, as it would explain a lot in the way of her not eating and not wanting to get up and move around. Also, she had realized before her surgery that she had been suffering from some depression, which I’m sure the trauma of surgery and the life altering changes she has experienced since then have only made worse.
The doctor in the hospital tried her on Prozac, which is in the same family as Paxil, which she had a bad reaction to in Alaska. Again, the bad reaction. I requested that she be taken off of that medication, and they are going to try her on something in another family of anti-depressants, and we’ll have to hope that something works this time. In addition, she’ll be getting some therapy to help her deal with her loss, and more physical and occupational therapy. She needs to be able to care for herself to a greater degree before she can go live with Kate, or with anyone else for that matter. It’s too much for someone who isn’t professionally trained to take on, in my opinion.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. My mom went into this heart situation with a lot of health problems, not just one or two. They have all compounded into making her feel like crap a lot of the time, though it’s not something she has ever talked much about. But she’s had trouble sleeping on and off for years, has had back pain for years, has developed diabetes and so on and so forth. All of this has taken its toll on her organs and her overall well being. So I don’t know why I was so hopeful that she would recover quickly and be feeling better by now, 2 months after her surgery, and completely healed withing just a few more months. Now I’m thinking, it’s going to be a long, hard slog, one in which her family and friends can be her advocates, but she will have to do the majority of the heavy lifting, as they say.
The first hurdle is to get her past the depression, so she’s more able to focus on the work ahead of her. I wish there were a quicker solution, but there just isn’t. She didn’t get this sick in one day, and she won’t get well that quickly either. I guess that’s something to keep in mind if we get frustrated by a slow recovery.
8 Comments
Autumn's Mom
She has had such a big life change to deal with and I guess some other issues that she now must face. So sad, that it seems like too much to handle. I’m so glad she has you for a daughter, J. I know it will be slow, but with each step, it will become easier.
Gina
I hope that they can help your mom with the depression aspect, because that really will impede her progress in other areas.
Crossing my fingers for all of you!
Rain
You know, besides the major health problems, which would depress anyone, she lost her animal kids. I know people who aren’t into pets or still have children at home probably don’t understand it so well but to us who are old and have no other children, they are our kids. Except we can’t admit the loss when we lose one to the level it really is because it’s not supposed to be that way. I think she could be grieving that loss. If you can find someone to reassure her they are okay, doing all right, together ideally, she might deal with her own loss better. I don’t know your mother but I know what I’d feel if it was me and I’d be grieving my babies being taken from their live and maybe not doing well. Of course, if they didn’t get put into a good home, if they don’t have anything about where they are to reassure her, then I guess the solution is just to allow her to grieve it. Things go wrong in life and sometimes we need to grieve and when we can, we do better. I hope she is going to make it through all this. It’s tough
Jimmy
I can relate to depression!!!!I have nothing to be depressed about and still battle it???
I’d rather be depressed than take Prozac or any antidepressant medication for that matter.
I think she would do better without that kind of medication, cause it will probably interfere with her other meds?
Wishing you all the best!!!
J
Rain, I can only hope her boys are doing well. She does miss them dreadfully, and took that loss to heart. Her depression started before any of this, and losing them was very hard on her. I do know they were put into a no kill shelter, and that at least one of them has been adopted. I believe they both have, and that they’re in different homes, which is a shame, but knowing cats, they’ll adjust. Not that they’ll be happier this way, but they will adjust.
Jimmy, I know many folks who prefer to go the non-medical route, and if she were functioning normally, I would agree that it’s worth trying. But she’s not eating, not exercising, and basically deteriorating, so it seems a good idea to try it, at least for now. Hopefully when she has more control over her life again, and is stronger and healthier, she can decide whether she wants to give it a go without. I can totally see this as a temporary thing for her. I just don’t know. Sigh.
Starshine
I’m sorry, J. This must be very hard for you and Richard, as well as your mom. I’ll keep her and you and R in my prayers. Sending love and hugs,
Tracy
Rain
the problem is finding the right medication that agrees with her. I took Prozac some years back. Actually I did it a couple of different times. I was going through depression, nothing was working that I tried and the Prozac helped me. After a period of time, I got off it; then a year or so later, I recognized the symptoms and once again went on that time for maybe 6 months. It doesn’t mean you have to stay on the med but it is important to fine one that agrees with her. You are right that for now, she has to have something that can help her want to live.
Too bad on the cats but in that case, just letting her grieve it might help. Often it’s that we are denying our grief that makes it hard to get over it. Life has sad things in it. This isn’t easy for you either; so I hope you are doing what you can to make the rest of your life peaceful and loving to yourself.
Linda Atkins
Ah, I’m sorry, Julie. This is a rough situation all the way around.