Dear Me, 1981 – 1987 version
I tried this two weeks agp, and I liked the idea. So here I’m trying with a slightly younger, much more insecure version of me. Again, the original idea came from here.
Dear Me,
I hesitate to give you advice, to warn you of the pains and slights that you will suffer, for I wonder how much of who I am now comes from the lessons learned due to these slights, and the resulting pain. I like who I am now, I like that I am sympathetic, loving, and caring. And yet, somehow, I hope that I would still be these things without these hardships, that they are part of my core being. So, I will warn you now, and give you some advice.
When a boy you like, really have a huge freshman crush on, tells you that you should go on a diet – don’t listen. Your body has changed a lot in the last year or two, you are no longer the stick that you were growing up, but you’re changing into a woman, and these changes are natural. Don’t let him make you fear your body and its changes. Be strong, and have faith in yourself.
In a few years, when another boy breaks up with you, cowardly never calling, never confronting, never telling you why – but you later find out that he has a new girlfriend, a girl who is ready to have sex with him, which you were not – don’t doubt your decisions or your convictions. He may have his needs, he IS two years older than you, but you are not ready, and there is nothing wrong with that.
A few years after that, when you’re thinking of moving out, getting an apartment, going to college, you might want to consider actually saving some money for rent, deposits, and tuition. You’ll figure it out no matter what, but it would make things easier.
Before you move out, while still living at home, make more time to spend with your mom and brother.  It’s 20 years later now, and you’ve never lived in the same town again, so enjoy that while you can.
Overall, my advice would be to try to hang on to the ‘you’ that you are trying to become. Hang on to your goals of being an accepting, open, loving person. Don’t let the frustrations of real life make you cynical and angry.  Remember the teachers you have come to trust in High School, with their lessons of cherishing life, loving your family and friends, making the world a better place because it has you in it. They know what they’re talking about, and the world is a better place for having them in it. Learn from their example.
14 Comments
Beenzzz
The freshman boy that said you had to go on a diet is a little…UGH! People can say such hurtful things when you’re growing up. It’s hard enough to have all these awkward changes happening without someone adding fuel to the already raging fire of hormones. The advice you give in your letter is great. I’ve been thinking about writing one of these letters, only I’m afraid it will be 50 pages long! 🙂
Ml
These are such amazing letters you’re writing to yourself, J!! I’ve done a couple of letters to my past self and they’re very healing.
Maya's Granny
Excellent advice, and you did a splendid job growing up even having to live with not having it.
I agree — spend more time with your mom and brother.
Starshine
I love these letters. They’re cathartic to write, aren’t they?
*Hugs*
Heidi
I think Maya is so lucky to have something like this to draw upon.
Gina
It is interesting how much of a glimpse these letters give into your past.
Chrissy
J, this post just made me weep! It hit close to home and I think that you have such insight and wonderful advice…Maya is truly lucky to have you as a mom. When she becomes a teenager and has to face some of these situations herself, at least she’ll have a mom she can come to and talk to about all these difficult experiences that young women often come across. Beautiful post.
ally bean
Be strong, and have faith in yourself.
If only more people who I respected had said that to me along the way, I wonder where I’d be now. I was generally told to mind my manners and be nice. We all were.
Your advice is much better. More encouraging.
joan
great advice, too bad my ears weren’t open to hear what my parents said. I chalk it up to life lessons.
J
Yeah, my mom could have helped me through a lot of this if I had listened better. Being a teen means not being as open to parental advice as we would (later) like.
Py Korry
I think these are great letters as well! But I have to wonder what the 20 year old you would say to “present day J?”
J
She’d think I was OLD. 😉
Lalunas
That was an excellent letter, I wish we really could write letters to ourselves and be able to read it at the time when we need it the most.
hellomelissa
what a great idea. there are so many things i wish that the adult me could scream at the teenaged me, but alas, i suppose all the terrible and wonderful past experiences made me who i am today.