What’s in a name?
When Ted and I got married, lo those many many years ago (13 1/2), I had the decision to make…to change my name, and take his last name? Or to keep my maiden name? If I kept my maiden name, then what last name would our child have? Hyphen? My name? His name? I wasn’t sure. What I was sure about was that I knew that changing your name doesn’t change who you are, it doesn’t change your identity. At least, that’s true for me.Â
When I was 10 years old, my mother decided to leave her married name behind, and go back to her maiden name. She had been divorced for 10 years, and saw no reason to continue carrying the name of someone with whom she had no contact. Because neither my brother nor I were biological children of her husband, she had no qualms about changing our last names, either. So I went from being J. G., to being J. W. And you know what? It was fine. A little confusing at first, but not really for long.
Fast foward a few years, I’m 21 and living in San Francisco. There are 3 or 4 J.W.s in the phone book. We all get phone calls for each other, and we kind of keep track of who we all are….Me, answering the phone…”Hello? Yes, this is J.W. No, you want J.W. the photographer. Here’s her number. OK, goodbye.” Things like that. One afternoon, I was in a nap coma (I worked full time and went to college full time and had a boyfriend and friends and a life, so I tended to take these naps that would just knock me out of commission), and the phone rang. I stumbled over to the phone, “Hello? Yes, this is J. Hi! How are you!” At this point, I have no idea who the heck I’m talking to, but I think it’s just because I’m half-asleep. “Lunch? Yes, I’d love to meet you for lunch. The place around the corner? Sure!” This place really WAS in my neighborhood. At this point, I’m starting to realize that I’m going to go have lunch in a restaurant, and I’m not at all sure who this person is, and I’m wondering if I’ll recognize her. “Um…this is kind of embarrasing, but where do I know you from?” I ask. She says, “Well, I’ve been talking to you for a few minutes, and I’m starting to wonder if you’re the J.W. I know…” and of course, it turned out that it was another J.W. she was looking for. We both laughed at ourselves for playing along when we had such doubts, and hung up.
Another time, I answered the phone, and this time it was Citibank, with whom I had a student loan. They were calling me to tell me I was delinquent on my payment. How could that be? I hadn’t even received my coupon book yet! Immediately assigning blame, one of my many shortcomings, I started to fear that my roommate had thrown away my student loan coupon book. I told the person on the phone, “I thought I had 9 months after graduation before I had to start paying my loan off…” “No, that’s a different kind of loan. Your payments start within 2 months of graduation.” Oh dear, how could I have misunderstood the rules so badly? I was so careful when I signed those documents…then she said, “Your name IS J.W., correct?” “Yes…” “Your social IS XXX-YY-ZZZZ, correct?” “NO! My social is ZZZ-AA-BBBB!” “Oh…..Oh yes, wrong J.W. You should be receiving your coupon book in the next month or two, and you have awhile after that before you need to start making payments. Have a nice day!” Like she hadn’t just been talking to me in a voice that made it clear she thought I was a fraud and a cheat. Whatever.
Then there was the young woman who went to Africa, who had my same name, and was murdered. Her father is still working to find out what happened and why.
So, while the name J.W. was a good one, one that I liked, I wasn’t too choked up about leaving it behind. When I got married, I happily changed my name to J.A. NOW, I’m an original…except that my brother-in-law also married a J, so there are two of us. And she got here first, so I can’t even complain. All I can do now is look for another J for my other brother-in-law to marry, so we can have a set. 😉
24 Comments
Tabitha
Interesting story & what is weird is that I have one some-what similar. You’ve inspired me to tell it. Thank goodness…because I’m short on blogging fodder right now 😉 Coming here always puts a little bounce in my keystrokes 🙂
BTW – I had a question regarding a novel & have been meaning to ask you, as I thought you’d have a good opinion…..have you read, “The God of Small Things”? I was interested in picking it up, but read some mixed reviews…Thanks
Have a wonderful day!
J
Hi Tabitha, I’ll be interested to hear your story.:) No, I haven’t read “The God of Small Things”, though I’m pretty sure I own it somewhere…
Ml
How funny! I mean I never thought there would be that many JWs around…seriously. I like how you kept track of each other and would direct people to the other JWs 🙂
My problem was people mispronounced my last name horribly. It got to the point where I told to just call me M and not bother with the last name (even after I tried to tell them how to pronounce the name ). However, when I got married, I kept my maiden name and just added my married name the pile, but with no hyphen. I figured B was my name too and I’m keeping it with me 😉
Ml
By the way, I tagged you today 😉
Py Korry
It seemed like the Terminator was gunning for you when we first started going out. There were all these JW’s in the phone book, and then the woman in Africa that was murdered, and CitiBank was calling about your student loan…Man! This sounds like subplot in a movie. 🙂
Beenzzz
I also kept my maiden name, but it’s hyphenated with my married name. I guess I didn’t want to give up my Indian identity…who knows. I’ll tell you what though, signing stuff can be a pain in the butt with such a long name! 🙂
Gina
My maiden name was a very unique one, and I gave it up for a not-as-unique name. Mine was waaaay to long to hyphenate (9 letters) so I caved and switched. But actually, all my credit cards still have my maiden name because I have been too lazy to change them.
Shelliza
That’s cool, the way you and the other JWs had each other’s phone numbers and knew of each other. I haven’t found another Shelliza R, but that would be too freaking weird. I don’t think there are many Indians with the same first and last names, so I guess you’re safe being JA for now (unless your older BIL finds a Julie).
Dot
I basically burned my maiden name and told my now husband I would never be leaving our married name (even if we split) because I love it. It’s more me than my old one.
Heidi
Very interesting snippet. Gosh, at 37 and never married with a bambino that I gave my last name to, I don’t think I would change my name. After all this time it is who I am. I mean maybe if I found this wonderful guy and he loved us both, and wanted BOTH of us to take that name, truly I’d consider it. I am just a little jaded.
Maya's Granny
I kind of like your present name. It is almost unique, and it has such a flow.
Cherry
I’m not at all attached to my last name since it’s not even our family name(mental note, post about that story someday).
My SIL hasn’t changed her name, and I don’t think she is going to since her father passed and she feels very connected to him by keeping his name, plus they are in the middle of applying for Canadian residency and that would get things all screwed up.
Tracy
Fun story. I think every woman has to think about whether she’ll change her name and why. Some don’t think about it for very long. I think that when I get married, I’ll take my husband’s last name because I like the idea of family unity and I want my kids to have the same last name that I have. However, I think that in my acting career, I’ll keep my maiden name. I have no brothers, so it is a way to let my family name go on a little longer. Like you, though, I don’t think my identity is based in my last name. I do identify with it, but it doesn’t define who I am.
nikki
Fisrt time reader here! There is another man that has my husband’s exact name and is wanted by the IRS for oodles of unpaid taxes, not to mention credit card debt up the wazoo. We get calls for him all the time and we get harassed so much.
As for my maiden name, it was over 12 letters long and a relief to change when I got married.
L.
I legally added my husband`s name after mine (no hyphen) when our youngest was born. I was afraid to do it before — I guess I wanted to see if the marriage would work out. After 11 years and 3 kids, I decided it was probably an okay thing to do.
I still use my maiden name most of the time, though.
Andie D.
My hub and I actually thought about coming up with a new name for the both of us. Neither really liked our existing lat names. But we went with his because, well, it was simpler and less offensive to his family.
I still like the idea of making up or choosing my own last name. Maybe someday.
curiositykiller
Hi Jellyjules… since I was so taken in on your old memes… I thought I’ll tag ya on this A to Z meme
LynnDenise
I took my husband’s name when we were married. I felt, like you do, that my identity isn’t in my name, it’s in me.
Now, Dot has my maiden name as her married name. That was a little strange at first, but now, she’s right. It suits her much better than her maiden name.
ally bean
My name is unusual enough that I’ve never encountered another one of me.
But my husband’s name is common enough that in town right now we know about: 1) a guy who plays softball on many leagues and is asked to sub quite often; 2) a guy’s wife who uses her married “Mrs.” name to do her children’s toys business; and 3) an undertaker.
Rarely are the messages on the machine actually for my husband!
Michelle
It’s funny how you think you’re the only one with your own name until you google yourself and find out there’s another person with your name in Duluth. My husband has a cousin with my same name.
hellomelissa
neustifter was obviously OUT for me when i got married. what i wasn’t expecting was when i got to north carolina the year after getting married was the dmv lady asking if i had ever applied for an nc driver’s license before. why? i wanted to know. well, there are 4 other people with your exact name, spelled the same way, in this state, she said. sigh.
and yes, we too get calls for the local bluegrass performer named tommy edwards (he owns an antique store, too).
Lalunas
Hi JWA. Now you are the one and only original JWA.
Valbee
I’m a VB and had never encountered someone with my name until I bought my house. Now there is another one that lives within two miles of me. When I first moved here, a few of my friends called information and got the number for the other VB. To make matters worse, we both go to the same hair salon and they have to differentiate between us with the last four digits of our telephone numbers.
One of these days, we’re bound to run into each other. I’m a little worried about that, since my friends who called her by mistake reported that she wasn’t amused about receiving my phone calls. If it’d been me getting her calls, I’d have laughed it off.
love bears all things
I am just catching up on your posts. There have been some things going on in my life. I usually read it every day or two. The thing is my given name was/is B. When I met the man who became my husband, I was introduced as B. The next time I ran in to him, he either forgot or chose to act as if he forgot my name. So I made up a name:S. Later I found out I would have two sisters-in-law with the same B name so ever after I became S.
Mama Bear