Friday Randomness
I’m currently listening to The Bright Years, which I am enjoying. Early on, the protagonist, Lillian, ruminates that she feels resentful of people who express annoyance with their parents for little things, since her parents are both long gone, and she would love to have them here and be gently annoyed by their entirely normal behavior. I was struck by this, especially since my mom died when I was only 42, so most of my friends still had their mothers around. Don’t get me wrong, my mom annoyed me no end in 1,000 little ways. And when people complain about their parents, I get it, and I remember being (often unreasonably) annoyed by my mom. But I also remember the envy I felt, especially in the first year or two after she died, when I would be with a friend, and their mom would call them…just that, ‘Hi Mom!’ would gut me.
Speaking of my mom, wow, look at this little bookmark. My mom used to give us a bookmark sometimes in our Christmas stocking, and this is one she gave me as a kid. Fast forward a few years, and we were broke. She had her own business, and it was never very successful. She and her business partner were both excellent trainers, but neither of them were very good at selling themselves. Also, her business partner had 3 babies in 5 years, and kept taking maternity leave. My mom was all for maternity leave, but it left everything on her shoulders. Suffice to say, we were broke. We couldn’t afford $20 for a Christmas tree. My friend Stephani (Jewish) hated that, and bought us one. There was no money for gifts, though for some reason we still hung our stockings (I guess as decoration). It sucked for us, but we were teenagers and we could handle it. But my mom, it put her into a depression. I couldn’t handle the idea of her not having ANY gift, so I put this bookmark in her stocking. She cried that morning, and I found the bookmark among her things after she died. I’m getting rid of one thing a day, but I’m keeping my bookmark.
Last Saturday I got together for tacos with my friends Cherry and Liz. The three of us worked together for a couple of years (1998-2000), but our friendship has lasted long past that. It’s funny how at some jobs, you make lifelong friends, and at others you don’t. I still have lunch sometimes with friends from my college job (hotel work). Cherry moved from NorCal to the Pittsburgh, PA area several years ago, but sometimes comes out this way for work. She used to come to see her parents, but they are both gone now. It was great to see them, catch up a bit, and enjoy some tacos together. I took the opportunity to try the local Quesabirria. It was delicious, though maybe not quite as good as the one I had in Oceanside with my cousin last month.
Speaking of work, I worked at my last company for 15 years and didn’t make any close friendships. I liked my coworkers, but I could count on one hand the number of times we got together socially other than a work lunch offsite. My FB memories the other day made me laugh. I was laid off in February of 2009, when the company wasn’t sure they were going to make payroll. Before too long they realized they had cut too deep, and there was no one else who knew how to do my main tasks, and they hired me back. Look how long it took me to get cynical about it. Mere hours (minutes?) HA.
Still speaking of work – This is the kind of memento that makes my house cluttered. My last company used to have an annual users conference, and they would give the clients gifts, like a computer bag, a notepad folio, a business card holder. They gave them to the employees too, and for some reason I kept them. I also kept the stupid t-shirts that various employers have given me over the years. Are they flattering? NO. Do I want to have them in my house? NO. So as part of my One Thing a Day decluttering, I got rid of this little box and several shirts.
Moving on – This is Ted and Boomer. Boomer is a 2008 Scion XB, and we are considering replacing him. Ted would like to get an EV, though they are pretty expensive. Right now the best options seem to be to buy a used one, or lease one. We’re leaning towards a lease, just in case we don’t really like the car, and also because the technology is changing so fast. I’m not sure, I don’t like the idea of making payments on something and then having nothing to show for it at the end of the lease. But I’m kind of open, because I also don’t like the idea of being stuck with a car that’s battery is out of date and won’t last as long as newer ones. This is just a feeling, not fact based or anything. Last weekend we went to check out a pretty great deal on a lease at our local Toyota. If they had offered us more for Boomer, I suspect we would have gone for it. The good news is, Boomer is fine, just old, and we don’t NEED a new car right now. So that’s a good thing. Anyway, we didn’t pull the trigger, and we still have Boomer. We’ll see how long that lasts, now we’re looking at a VW.
In honor of John Lewis’s birthday legacy yesterday, there was a protest just down the street from our house. So convenient! The protest was mostly on the pedestrian bridge that goes over a busy street, and of course there were some folks down on the street level as well. I wish every week’s protest could be like this one…5pm on a cool Thursday afternoon, lots of people honking and giving support. I only saw one person giving us the finger.
This weekend we will celebrate the birthdays of Ted’s mom and uncle, which will be fun, nice to see family. There will be curry, there will be cake, there will be wine and laughter. We’re looking forward to it.
40 Comments
Ally Bean
I’m a Realist, also a Relativist. We looked into an EV SUV for Z-D [could I use more capital letters in a row?] and were amazed by how much more expensive they were than traditional vehicles. In theory they’re great, but until there are charging stations on every corner they seem impractical. Pity, such a cool idea.
J
The expense is a big consideration. It’s important to switch over, and adding to the carbon is a bad thing. But yeah, it’s a lot of money. There are a lot of chargers around here, so not such a big deal for us.
ccr in MA
I love that cartoon!
To your first point, my dad died back in 2009, and I still remember being back at work shortly after, listening to a coworker trying to rush her father off the phone, and wanting to scream at her. How dare she take still having her father for granted? I had to step out of the office and calm down before I could get back to it. In hindsight, of course she didn’t know, we don’t know until we go through it, but wow, did that hurt.
J
Sigh, that hurt is pretty specific, right? So many friends have told me, Wow, I didn’t know what you were going through, and now I do. It’s so hard.
Sarah
Oh that book mark!
I think leasing makes good sense for an EV. We always lease a car for me because I hate driving older cars (the rest of the fam does not care), and since I will probably always have a car payment, leasing is fine. Love trading it in after 3 years for a new clean car.
J
I love driving an older car because it means no car payment! But leasing may be the way to go for now. Not sure, since we are getting closer to retirement age, and it makes sense to try to have a car paid off by then…
Lisa's Yarns
I hate that you lost your mom at such a young age. And then lost your dad very suddenly! It am very thankful that I still have both of my parents and that they are in good health, especially my mom! I try not to take it for granted that they are still in our lives! Our relationship has had some ups and downs, especially during covid and for political reasons, but we try to set those aside to the extent possible.
I celebrated 10 years at my company this week which is the longest I’ve ever been in a role/with a company. The people I work with are the #1 reason I am still here. There are definitely plenty of jerks, though… So it’s not all sunshine and roses!
J
I’m so glad that you still have both of your parents. As we see more people lose their parents, our relationship with ours becomes more poignant I think. My wish is that we could all just take them for granted and trust that they would always be there.
Birchie
The bookmark will never be clutter. Corporate swag on the on other hand… There were a lot of things about my previous company that I didn’t like, but they did great jackets, sweatshirts, backpacks, and travel mugs. My current employer’s stuff is less good so it mostly goes to Goodwill.
Looking at your taco spread, I miss California so much. I can’t get that here!
I’ve never leased a vehicle, but I’ve always wondered if it would be a better deal if I ever wanted to get a “fun” car instead of a “drive it until it drops” car.
J
I’m SUCH a ‘drive it till it drops’ person, but leasing is a lower payment. But at the end you don’t have any equity. So I’m in a huge quandry about it and kind of willing to abdicate all decision making. I mean, if it’s a mistake, it’s only for a few years, so not the end of the world.
Ann
Our EV automatically gets updated frequently. It is MUCH BETTER that it was 3 years ago when we bought it. I just didn’t even consider that could happen. (The downside is that every time they update it we have to check and make sure we know what they changed and if that means we have to do something different — pressing down here does something differently than it did yesterday — that is sorta’ funny! But we are used to it now. And I love our car.)
J
Oh, that’s something I hadn’t considered! I’m guessing that’s true for all new cars, not just EVs? I don’t know! What kind of car do you have?
Ann
We have a three year old Tesla. So funny — we saved and thought and worried about getting it. A big reason to spend the money was because of the environment. But we also thought that we are getting older, it might be our last car…and so we should get one that has all the safety features, and get accustomed to them now while our brains are ready for it. HA HA…with this “updating” every month or so, we have to get accustomed to new things every time! I’m not complaining. It is wonderful to have it set to update at 2 AM and wake up to new and better things on the car. It is just not what we thought it would be like. We haven’t had an issue with the charging at all. We put a new outlet in the garage for the car and so we plug it in every night and wake up with a ‘full gas pump”. 🙂 We drive up the East Coast a lot to visit family, but there are plenty of chargers along the way. Not sure how much a problem it is in places like Utah, for example.
J
Oh, that’s funny, you bought the car so you could learn it and not have to learn new things, and now they keep changing. I guess it keeps you on your toes!
Nicole MacPherson
Awww, that Christmas story! But the Garfield bookmark really made me smile. I remember those old bookmarks, and I loved Garfield back in the day.
Yes to decluttering those old tees. I had a bunch of promotional tees when I worked in a professional setting – gifts from clients, etc. – and they were all terrible. I kept one for painting and the rest I donated. They were good quality but there was no way I was going to wear them. One of my older yoga students gave me a truly hideous bright pink tee that says “Choose Kind” on it and I use it for when I’m colouring my hair. The thought was nice, and I do think of her every time I colour my hair!
J
Good point, Nicole…I need to keep one ratty tee to do things like color my hair (I color it professionally, but do root touch ups in between.) I have so many though, none need to be corporate swag. I like that you found a use for your hideous but lovely also ‘choose kind’ shirt!
Elisabeth
Love that story about the bookmark and I’m so glad you’ve kept it!
J
Thanks Elisabeth, I was glad to find it in my mom’s things.
Margaret
I went to a Good Trouble protest in my town; we got lots of honks but a few too many thumbs down or people yelling, “Go Trump” or “I love America and Trump.” Ugh, WHAT are they seeing that I’m not? (or vice-versa?) I think leasing is a wise way to go, just to try out an EV. Not a Tesla though, I hope? 😉 I got rid of a bunch of clothes but there is still so much more to do.
J
We got mostly honks, but at least one person gave us the finger. I have no idea what people see in Trump, it’s horrible.
Ann
I’m as against Elon Musk as anyone…but please don’t be rude to people who have Teslas. When we bought ours 3 years ago, all the MAGA people were AGAINST EV’s….. We went to a protest rally last monght and one of the protestors gave US the finger as we were pulling in a parkling lot. I don’t now if I was stupid or brave, but I rolled down my window and told her we were there for the protest too! She did apologize…but it was unnerving for me. What good would it do for me to give up my car? I can’t afford to get rid of a car that is paid off and running well… Anyway, you don’t have to be nice to Musk, but do be nice to people with Teslas because almost everyone who has one bought it before we knew Elon would start supporting Trump in his craziness.
Margaret
I’ve never been rude to anyone with a Tesla; I have a close friend with one. All I wrote was that I hoped that Julie wouldn’t buy one. There are many other great EVs that aren’t affiliated with Elon Musk.
J
No, that man will not have any of my money, don’t worry about that. I’ve felt that way for YEARS, long before he got involved with Trump. His support of Trump just made it worse.
Margaret
Good for you! As I mentioned to Ann, there are now many excellent options for EVs. Easy to avoid Tesla and Elon Musk. 🙂
J
There’s another electric vehicle company that has a dealership that just opened right across the street from our Tesla dealership, which I love!
J
A lot of the supportive honks we get are from Tesla drivers, I hope that the person who flipped you off learned something about judging people prematurely.
Daria
I always enjoy reading about your parents. Mine are still living but, as you know, they are in their very later years. And my dad’s stroke… a touching and real story about a book mark. Definitely keep it.
J
I have been thinking of you and your dad, Daria, and of how difficult it must be to be so far away when something major happens. When my mom had her heart attack, she was in Alaska and I was in California, and it was rough, but then she came to California for her last few months, and it really helped to have her only 2 hours away. Sigh. I hope your dad recovers and you have PLENTY more visits with him.
nance
Oh, J–that bookmark story! So beautiful and meaningful. Again, another great chapter for your memoir. You are a woman of many, many stories.
We love our hybrid plug-ins, which are sort of a bridge to a true EV. I can get all my errands done on a single charge, and they’re excellent on gas for longer trips. We’re very pleased with Toyota’s Prius and Highlander lines.
Sam is currently leasing a VW. He’s a car guy, so take that for what it’s worth.
J
I think a hybrid plug is is kind of ideal, really. I haven’t seen the great deals on them around here, though. I’m glad you have loved yours. Glad to hear that Sam is thumbs up on the VW, in case that happens!
Stephany
That bookmark story is so sweet. I have the same sort of feeling when people talk about their fathers and I just want to scream, “At least your father wants you in his life!” But alas, I do not because who really knows what is going on in that relationship. Something for me to work on in therapy, I guess!
Aww, the Scion xB brought me back to my first car, which was an xB. I loved that little toaster on wheels! I have thought about leasing before but it’s just hard to fathom having a car payment until I die, lol.
J
Car payment until I die is what makes me wonder about the leasing too, Stephany. I think it might be OK for now, for once, but I don’t think I want to stick with that model forever. When we retire, money is going to be tight, and it would be nice to not have that hanging over us!
Ernie
Oh man. The story about your mom at Christmas is so sad. What a sweet teen you were to give her your bookmark. I’m sorry you lost your mom when you were so young. And your dad suddenly. I truly cannot imagine. My heart goes out to you.
When we were downtown yesterday for Curly’s bball tournie, I was thinking about how big the city is and I wondered what some of the people I used to work with are up to now. My first job after college was so long ago and I did not stay there long. There were no cell phones and I don’t even remember last names. I had a few more jobs but only keep in touch with a few people from that time.
Your toss one thing a day project sounds like it is gonna really impact accumulated clutter.
J
Thanks Ernie! Accumulated clutter loss IS THE GOAL for sure. So far it has been satisfying.
Jenny
Julie, I also lost my mom when I was in my 40s. Yes, it’s hard to hear people complaining about their moms, but I mostly just want to tell them STOP COMPLAINING AND APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT. Our time with them is temporary. And, I love that bookmark, and the story that goes with it. That is definitely something to keep.
We’re definitely non-lease, drive it till it drops people. But in this case I can see the reasoning behind leasing. But a part of me is also saying, keep Boomer until the very end!!! Maybe you’ll feel more comfortable commiting to an EV at that point.
J
There’s a bit of a feeling of urgency with the EV, because the tax breaks are big and they are ending in September. But my preference is always to keep a car as long as possible, so the lease thing really rubs me the wrong way. But maybe i’s different with an EV. That’s what everyone keeps telling us, though I hate the idea of never paying off my car.
Tamara
It is a travel week so I’m late to comment, but I read and have been thinking about your post. A few things: I love and envy the tender posts you write about your mom, what a lady; thank you once again for the tacos; the picture of your tech swag made me think of all the tshirts, usb sticks and water bottles that have come my way at academic conferences. Aside from notebooks, the only one I have ever kept was a Marimekko tote bag. Genius organising, I love that thing.
J
Thank you for your kind words about my mom. <3
I don't think I've heard of marimekko before, going to check it out now. I'm glad that you love your tote!
Tobia | craftaliciousme
Haha… I want to be an artist. Often enough though I am a pessimist I fear.
That book mark story is so beautiful. Definitly need to keep that. Your project is so good… maybe even motivating.
J
Thanks Tobia! I’m enjoying getting rid of clutter, though it’s not noticable yet. Meaning the place seems just as cluttered now as it did when I started a month ago.