Guest Blogger Today

November 8, 2008 /

Genevieve thought she might help me out with blogging today…the rules say that you have to blog every day during NaBloPoMo, but they don’t say you can’t have your dog blog for you, do they? No, they don’t. Gen has blogged over at Ted’s place before, so she thought she’d throw me a bone and come over here.

Hi! I’m Genevive! I’m a baby. I’m 5. No, wait, I’m 12. I’m 2! (J’s note: Gen talks about her age a lot. She’s really 10.) I have three bosses: Big Boss, Medium Boss, and Little Boss. Big Boss is the Biggest, and Little Boss is the smallest, and Medium Boss? Well, she’s not the biggest OR the smallest. I’m kind of confused, though, because lately, Little Boss is looking like she might be bigger than Medium Boss soon. So I wonder, will they switch? Wait, my paw itches! Let me bite it!

Here’s a sample of my regular cycle:

Morning. Get up with Medium Boss. Eat shash. (J’s note: Gen calls food shash) Sometimes, go for a walk. Other days, Medium Boss goes for a walk without me, which is just RUDE. Why the heck would someone want to go for a walk without their dog? Is she stupid? She says something that sounds like “blah blah blah, you’re too slow Genevieve, blah blah blah, heart rate, blah blah”. Does that sound right to you? NO. If I don’t go for a walk with Medium Boss, I take a short nap. Then I go with Big Boss and Little Boss to school. Then I come home. Time for a mid-morning nap.

Afternoon. I’m hungry! Big Boss and Medium Boss just say, “blah blah blah, it’s not time yet, Genevieve, go sit down Genevieve, relax Genevieve!” It’s not fair! They get to eat whenever, whatever, and however much they want to eat! Where’s the justice in that? FINALLY, they say, “It’s 2:00 Genevieve, you can have your dinner.” Then I eat. Whew. Now I can nap again. Mid-afternoon nap.

Evening. They’re eating, and I’m not. Unfair. Once in awhile, someone puts some food in my bowl, and I swallow it FAST, to keep them from snatching it away. You never know when they might change their minds! Other times, I like to lick the front of the cabinets in the kitchen. Sometimes they taste kinda yummy. I also like to lick the floor. Wait, my face itches…I’m going to rub it against the furniture. Be right back.

Later evening, WALK TIME!!! YAY!!! I love walk time. Sometimes, I get so excited about walk time that I start spinning and running up and down the walkway and digging in my favorite spots. It’s fun. Usually Big Boss takes me for a walk, and I get to sniff things and pee on the pee of other dogs. Did you know that it’s important to pee on other dogs’ pee, so they know that you’ve been there? It’s called “Pee Mail”. I write letters to my mommy. I love my mommy. She used to let me drink milk from her boo boos. I was the third one out. I was the prettiest one. Shhhh. Don’t tell big brother. Or big sister. Or little brother. Or little sister. Anyway, you have to pee on other dogs’ pee, but you MUST NOT poop on other dogs’ poop. If you do, they’ll think you’re showing off, and trying to make people think your poop is bigger than it is. That would be lying. Dogs do not lie. We lay, but we don’t lie. Sometimes in the evening, Little Boss does something to me called “T Touch”, that she learned volunteering at an animal shelter. It’s basically a little massage, and it makes me feel very relaxed and tired. I like it when she goes to the animal shelter, because she comes home smelling REALLY interesting. I keep hoping she’ll bring me with her, but they just say, “blah blah blah, you have to STAY Genevieve, blah blah blah”, and I go sit down on my bed. It’s a nice bed.

Bed time. Everyone goes to bed, and I basically shut down, hoping to survive until morning, when I can have more food. So far, I’ve been lucky. I’m thankful for every day, let me tell you that.

So, that’s my cycle. Sometimes, my cycle gets all weird, and my bosses don’t get up when they’re supposed to. I’ve learned that they do not want me to come over and wake them up. If I come over and cry because it’s getting late, and time for me to be fed, I get yelled at. Not only that, I still don’t get fed. Not worth it. The only time it’s ok to wake up the bosses is if something smells dangerous, or if I really really have to go to the bathroom.

Medium Boss tells me that the First Family Elect is looking for a puppy. I have some advice for them! First, get a rescue dog. If my bosses hadn’t rescued me when my old boss couldn’t care for me any more, who knows what would have happened! Besides, if you get a dog that’s not a puppy, you don’t have to train them to only pee and poop outside, or to stay off of the furniture (you hope). I’ve heard that they have fancy things in the White House. Secondly, regarding breed, I happen to think that a Keeshond/Sheltie mix is the way to go. We’re sweet, friendly, and funny. We smile a lot, and our tails look like pom-poms! You can’t lose!

Time to sleepy now. Bye!

DoSoEvAyMo

Today, I plan to take a walk, eat some shash, poop, pee, sniff, nap, eat more, nap more, poop and pee more. It promises to be a very good day.

Thanks Gen, you’re a good girl. I enjoyed your post. What a baby.

11 Comments

  • paisley

    November 8, 2008 at 10:03 am

    well gen i think you sound like a wonderful dog,, and were i to have to make the decision for the first family,, i would think they should get a dog just like you!!!!

    this was clever,, and remarkably quite true to what my dogs might have to say about their own lives!!!!!!

  • Ted

    November 8, 2008 at 10:22 am

    What a good girl … except when she’s an annoying girl (i.e., the crying when you get up in the morning). And, I gotta say, she had more to say on your blog than when she blogged over at my place. What’s up with that?

  • OmbudsBen

    November 8, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    Genevieve,

    Woof woof woof woof woof!
    [We feel your pain. We routinely come and neuzzle our humans at 4 or 5 am, wagging hopefully, except we do not want food, we want the morning walk. Even if they grumble but don’t rise, we figure they are that much closer to waking.]

    Bark, bark, bark!
    [You are so right about the unfairness of food! They are trying to give us Eukanuba food for german shepherds or for labradors/retrievers, but it still tastes like dog food. Humans can be wonderful *but they DO NOT know what dogs like*!]

    Arf, arf, arf, grrrr
    [Yes, we are both shelter rescue dogs, too, and they are the best, but the Obamas should get a german shepherd mix! (-Ernie) no, a black lab mix! (-Edie)]

    Woof-woof-woof growl!
    [German Shepherd mix!]
    – Ernie

    Bark-bark-bark grrrr!
    [Black Labrador mix!]
    – Edie

  • Jimmy

    November 8, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    I went over to Ted’s blog first and read his first for the warm up and then came back and read this.
    I love it…just love it!!!! Gonna “pee-mail” it ( as Ted/Gen would say ) to all my doggie friends.
    Emily’s face is about 1/2 inch away from mine as I time. she’s sitting right beside the keyboard on her pillow. I swear I think she is jealous?
    I hope you let Gen do another post!!!Oh…. and I can see lots of your mom’s humor comming out in your writting!
    Wish I would have had a mom that witty!

  • Jenny's BFF

    November 9, 2008 at 8:44 am

    I love this post! Gen should definitely return as a guest blogger in the future. I just read “Walking in Circles Before Lying Down” about a month ago, so I really appreciated the dog view on life.

  • --Chappy

    November 9, 2008 at 9:02 am

    Isn’t it fun, blogging for your Mom? I do that for my mom sometimes, too, and she always laughs and tells me I’m a good boy, but she tells me that ALL the time, so I’m never quite sure when she means it extra-special like, you know? But anyway, I really sympathize about the food thing, but I can’t complain because Mom cooks for me, so I get food with real chicken every day and I just adore chicken, but especially when it’s a roasted chicken like my people eat. That smell just drives me crazy, but they’re pretty well trained and they usually share. Mom says I’m really patient, too, so I don’t even try to wake her up early in the morning, though I really would only be able to on weekends because on days when she has to go to work (grrr) I have to sleep in my crate, and it’s not like I can nudge her awake from in there. But even on weekends, I’m patient and wait until her clock thing beeps, because then I know it’s okay to start giving her kisses. (She’s so cute when she’s asleep!) Okay, I’ve got to go. We’ve got pot roast downstairs and I really need to go make sure it’s okay … it sure smells good! And the rest of the family should be here soon–we’re eating in the dining room today! I LOVE eating in the dining room! There’s even going to be cake! (Oh, wow, there goes my tail. I swear, I have no control over it at ALL and sometimes it makes sitting in front of the computer tricky, you know?)

    Oh, and I think the Obamas should get an American breed dog–like, say, a Boykin Spaniel! Although I heard that one of their daughters is allergic to dogs (poor thing), so their choices are limited. And we Boykin Spaniels are so darn cute….