Measuring Success

I’ve been thinking about goals lately. I’m the kind of person who works well with goals, as long as they are easily identifiable and quantifiable, and also fairly attainable. In the morning when I wake up, I start making a mental list, a list of things that I need to get done. Then I compartmentalize them into blocks of time – get up, brush teeth, check email, read a few blogs. Check work email, answer any that are pressing. Shower, get dressed. Wake Maya, dry my hair, make the bed, feed the dog, make Maya’s lunch, make breakfast, get out the door by 7:30, walk dog while taking Maya to school. On like that, all day. And I can accomplish quite a bit this way, especially if I have a list of the less obvious things written down on paper. Soak beans for chili, pay Visa bill, go to bank & dry cleaners, that kind of thing. A list helps to keep the day from getting away from me while I sit in front of the computer reading blogs. I usually have a list of things I need to accomplish for work, and I try to reprioritize it often, as the most important thing on Tuesday is probably no longer the most important thing on Wednesday…unless it’s now overdue and CRUCIAL.

But what about those long term, less quantifiable goals? The more important ones, the ones that enrich my life and keep the world from getting away from me? When I set a goal to be kinder, not only to others, but also to myself, how do I identify the components of that? If I decide that I will be a better wife, a better mother, how can I make a list of things to check off? Smile more, be a better listener, be more patient…can I put these on a list, and check them off at the end of the day? What about the next day? Do they appear over and over again, list after list, day after day, keeping me in line, forcing my better self up closer to the surface, so I can more easily find her, and so others can see her more clearly?

I’m not sure of how to accomplish these goals, how to take them and incorporate them into myself, growing more into the person I wish to be, rather than the person I currently am. Am I doomed, like Scarlet O’Hara, who wanted so much to be a great lady like her mother, and yet her real self was anything but…am I doomed to dream of becoming my ideals, all the while meandering aimlessly along the path of harshness, hyper-criticalness, and self defeat?

I’m not sure of the answers to these questions. Perhaps the solution is in asking the questions, and the way to become a better version of myself is in the journey, and the seeking.

This post is my entry in the Write-Away Contest, sponsored by the lovely Michelle, at Scribbit.

15 Comments

  • Ml

    I’ve always read that for the big goals, you have to make baby goals to achieve the main goal. Also, you have to make a daily practice of it so it becomes a natural part of you.

  • Beenzzz

    I think ML is right. Start out with baby steps and then increase from there up. I have lots of goals too, I just don’t know where to begin. I guess I should take my own advice!!! :))

  • hellomelissa

    i know when i’m going for a big change i just take it a little at a time then find that the reaction is so positive that i WANT to keep doing it! good luck…

  • Black Belt Mama

    It’s difficult to achieve those things that are not measurable. However, I recently adopted the philosphy at karate that I’ll fake confidence until I have it and it seems to be working quite well.

  • starshine

    “…Scarlet O’Hara, who wanted so much to be a great lady like her mother, and yet her real self was anything but…”

    This sentence was the one that stuck out to me most in the post. I think part of good goal setting is knowing who you are…really well.

    For example, if my goal were to become an Olympic marathoner, but I was born without the proper body type for distance running, I could be setting myself up for a lifetime of frustration. If I can be at peace with the fact that marathoning isn’t where my natural giftedness lies and I can figure out what my natural gifts are, I will likely be able to refocus my goals and live a much more fulfilled life.

    All that to say: acknowledging, being, and becoming even more your “real self” is important.

    That being said, your goals of wanting to be a better wife and mother, being kinder to others and yourself, etc., seem grounded in reality. Acknowledging your real self in the process of jouneying to those goals will only make reaching them all the sweeter.

  • wordgirl

    The first step is in recognizing that you want to achieve a goal. That awareness is key. Now…you just have to figure out how to get there. Let me know if you do. I could probably learn a thing or two from you.

  • Shelliza

    I’m not expert on goal setting, but I live my life based on the goal and plans I make. Usually I have long term and short term goals. My short term goal are usually things i want to accomplish in a few months and for the long term, it’s a year or two. Writing them down always makes me accountable and there’s usually a fair amount og guilt if I come up short on my list, especially the daily ones. I guess the key is setting REALISTIC goals within a reasonable time frame. My greatest challenge is maintaining my discipline, because it’s so easy to quit. Also, I try not to measure up to another person (poor Scarlett). After all who decides that the other person is a better wife, mother or human being than I am. We are all individuals with our own unique ways.
    Take it a day at a time. Before you know it you’ll be on your way to achieving all the goals you’ve set. Good luck!

  • Cherry

    J, that really is a wonderful piece of introspective writting (is that a word?).

    You know in your heart what you need to do to be a better mother, wife and to be kinder to yourself and others. Perhaps think of a few things that you could do and then just be mindfull of them. You don’t have to nessesarily write them down, but just the act of thinking about them and reflecting on the moments as they come up and then on the day may help you feel like you are moving in a more quantifiable direction.

  • Maya's Granny

    I was over at Joy of Six this week, and Joy has a poem called Just Asking which is sort of a review of this sort of thing. I thought at the time that it would be a good thing to look at just before bed each night, like 12 steppers do. As a matter of fact, I copied it and intend to send it to Maya — I thought when I read it that if I had known it when you guys were little, I could have taught it to you instead of nightly prayers. It is at:

    http://joyofsix.typepad.com/joyofsix/2007/01/just_asking.html

  • Lalunas

    Goals are not something you can achieve in one day. You can accomplish anything if you belived you can. So it is a mind set and it will happen, may be not as fast as you want it to. But it will happen.

  • Py Korry

    I think Ml is right: it’s about baby steps and being satisfied with the end result of your goal. When we fall short of our ideal, frustration sets in and there’s a sense that we’ve failed in some way — which, of course, isn’t always the case.

  • Gina

    Ahhhh, goals, what are those again?

    I have never been good with long term goals, either. Hubba-hubba is the better one. He just makes a list of how he can get where he needs to go (those baby steps again) and it helps him.

  • Lotus

    Beautifully written, J! Reading your post, I was reminded of what Benjamin Franklin did when he wanted certain virtues to become a part of his character – he made a list of those traits or virtues he wanted to see in himself and then focused on them one at a time for a week or two weeks. Often he’d go back to his list and evaluate his performance. If I’m not mistaken he speaks of this in his wonderful book “Poor Richard’s Almanac”.

    Anyway, I digressed a little. Just wanted to say great post and that you expressed beautifully what a lot of us think about.