Mother’s Day

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me*

I don’t even like this song. Sorry Pink. Nothing personal. But the other day I was in the car, and it came on, and I found myself wondering if Maya knows that this is how I feel about her. I know, I nag. Pick up your clothes. Do your homework. Make your bed. Finish your girl scout award commitment. But none of that means I think any less of her. It means I know she’s a teen, and sometimes needs a little nudge and reminder to get things done. Really, I wouldn’t change anything about her, because all of the aspects that come together, including the need to be nudged sometimes to get things done, they make her Maya. She’s going to move out someday, and she’ll have to nag herself, with lists, whatever. I still have to nag myself sometimes. And I know, I’m far from perfect.

Except, perhaps, to my mom. There was nothing I could do wrong in this world that she didn’t see my side of it, didn’t empathize, didn’t forgive me completely. Thinking of that, realizing it, was like a slap in the face. It woke me up. It made me cry. Because who else will love you so unconditionally, so forgiving and completely, as a parent does? It made me miss my mom so very much. And it made me thankful to still have my dad. But mostly, because she’s gone, and because every single day I wish she weren’t, it made me miss my mom.

Mother’s Day is hard. I wonder if it always will be? Ted and Maya spoiled me with gifts and meals and cards and love. I love being a mother. I love being a wife, and the mother to Ted’s child. These are the best things I’ve done with my life. But I really liked being my mom’s daughter, too. I miss you, mom. You’re perfect to me.

*I’m not sure if there is a radio version where these are the lyrics or not, but this is how I hear them, without the censored F word. You know me, I don’t have a problem with the F word. But I like this song better without.

3 thoughts on “Mother’s Day

  1. What a lovely post!

    A mother’s unconditional love is so sweet, and my heart goes out to you today as you’re missing your mom.

    What your wrote about Maya rings true with me, too. My boys are perfection in my eyes. I love them so completely, and even when they are driving me nuts with typical toddler behavior, I wouldn’t change a thing about them!

    Happy Mother’s Day, Jules!

    Love,
    Tracy

  2. Love this post. My mom still misses her mom so much on Mother’s Day
    We talked on the phone about old memories and how much we love each
    Other…now I wish we’d have gotten together. Selfishly I wanted my little
    Family all to myself and we had a lazy day.

    Life is a circle. Our daughters will grow up and have kids of their own and
    on Mothers day we’ll talk about these good old days. Xo

  3. I think the parent-child relationship is the only place we witness and participate in unconditional love, and this is why it’s so sacred. As you said, being a mother has been the best thing I’ve done with my life too.

    My mother has been gone almost 20 years now. The grief ebbs and flows, and my mind is still putting my memories and emotions into context. She died when I was relatively young, and my middle-aged self understands her better now.

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