Sleepless Thoughts…

SleeplessThe other night, I was starting to drift off to sleep, and for some reason, the thought popped into my head, that Maya is going to be a teenager soon.  13, on March 29th.  Not that I haven’t realized this for awhile, but still, somehow, the idea that she is going to be 13 suddenly made me feel OLD.  I mean, the teen years…who doesn’t remember the teen years?  Some of the best and the worst in your life, with friendships that change, young love that opens your heart like a flower and crushes you at the same time, cruel jests from bullies, school getting harder when it has always seemed so easy, parents suddenly seeming out of touch.  Friendships that last and stick with you forever, teachers that touch you with fresh ideas of humanity and strength, parents trying to stay an important part of your life, sometimes connecting…and mostly what I feel like is the out of touch parent.  What?  How did that happen?  I’ll tell you, it woke me right up to realize that when I was 13, my mom was only 36.  When my mom was 43, I was 20.  Doesn’t matter, but still, it makes me feel old to be the parent of a teen.  Even though I’m older than my mom was when I was a teen.

Doesn’t help that my health exams now include mammograms, mole checks, cholesterol and blood pressure checks, no longer really viable for having more kids (not that I want to), watch your weight, cardio, lift weights for bone density, on and on and on.  How is it that I feel 22, and I’m actually 43.  The difference between how I feel and my actual age is an adult, old enough to order their own martini.  It’s crazy.  And I’m in pretty darned good health.

These are the thoughts that kept me awake the other night, trying to drift off to sleep.  I finally did.  I’m not that old.  But old enough.

13 thoughts on “Sleepless Thoughts…

  1. I felt old at the beginning of the school year. For the first time since 1998, I didn’t have a child in elementary school. Saturday my son turns 16 and will be driving soon. Yikes.

  2. I don’t want to think about how old I might be when I have a teenager. If I can help it, I’ll be younger than my mom, but not by much. She was only a few years younger than you when she had me.

    And J? You aren’t old.

  3. Jules- It’s very pretty around here, just like you! I so hear you! I’m gonna be forty and True will be five. I’ll be 56 when he can legally have a beer. It’s a good thing I don’t feel my age, but it’s still a very ponderable subject. Just get on your new bad moto-less scooter and drive!

  4. I had the opposite feeling last night. I am so excited for the kids to be going into high school. I was terrified at their age when I thought about high school. I was always afraid of something. To experience it now with my kids, is really special and it makes me feel good. I don’t think often about my age but when I do I still think I’m in my early 30’s. Or I want to be 35 like John. I’m 39. And if this is what 39 feels like. Then that’s ok. Hope your check up is groovy.

  5. AM, I had my check ups this Nov and Dec, and all is well health wise. Except the stupid sinuses and migraine. Blech. Oh, my doctor said I should give up diet coke, and I asked if I could just give up smoking instead. Of course, I don’t smoke, but it seemed better. 😉

  6. I hear you, I do. There was a meeting yesterday to discuss my daughter repeating 5th grade. Her grades have been pretty good, except some trouble in math, but emotionally- she’s just pretty young. And very anxious about middle school. I’ve had to go back and forth with the school about testing for anxiety, but her regular doctor suspects she may have Asperger’s syndrome, and he wrote a note, so now the school will pay for testing.

    And as nutty as all that has been, I’m really… really relieved that we get to have one more year in elementary, one more year where she can still be a kid. It seems like a reprieve to me, – for both of us. A reprieve before the onslaught of adolescence.

  7. J, I will be closer to 50 when the boy is a teen; and over 50 when the girlie gets there. And this year, the one when I turned 43, is the first that I’ve started having health problems. Not serious ones, mind you, just the kind that you get when you’re trying to be younger without consequences (Brie would have never felled me with a gall bladder attack 20 years ago) or thinking that a beginner run on a BC mountain is anywhere near as easy as an Ontario molehill. And now with my Dad’s recent illness, it looks like colonoscopies are in my future. Ack!!

    I am SO scared for when my kids will be in their teens. And they’ll be scared that I’ll likely still be trying to steal from their wardrobe :).

    You’re not old, because if you were I would be too…and I’m fighting it baby, fighting it!

  8. I hate to tell you this, but it only gets worse as you go along. How is it that I have children your age, and grandchildren? One of whom is a teenager his own self? After all, I’m only 36 or thereabouts. My aunt warned me that you don’t feel older, and she was right. A sprightly middle-aged person trapped in an old uncooperative body. Sigh.

  9. Those kind of thoughts would keep me up all night. Life is a cycle, some of the later parts of the cycle really are a bummer.

  10. As Auntie Kate says, I, too, am in “an old uncooperative body.” I’ll be 48 when my eldest becomes a teen. I’ll be 53 when my youngest does. 53. Aren’t I supposed to be, like, dead at 53?

  11. I had that same awakening when Zoey turned 13 last October. I didn’t feel ready for it at all. I guess the thought that my baby was getting older just blew me away. Where did the time go?

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